Question about Visitation.
My DH is in the military. Thus there are times when he is gone on TDY, Deployment, etc. BM has refused me to pick up SD (even for a day) while DH is gone.
Do any of you have a similar situation (SM or SD)? Are you still able to pick up SKid(s)? Do you guys even tell BM when DH is out of town?
Plus do you know of anything legal that could back me up if I do decide to get SD?
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She really sounds like a
She really sounds like a piece of work. You can actually talk to legal on base and they can mabe guide you in the right direction. Like you said the police cant do a dang thing because its a family legal matter or whatever. You might have to get the order changed to when he isnt around to pick her up that you are to do so. But from now on I wouldnt tell her whats going on as far as him being out of town or anything.
"Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful."
-Joshua J. Marine
Going thru this right now as
Going thru this right now as well as in the past. Next time he prepares to go TDY or deploy, he needs to go to the Legal Office and get a Special Power of Attorney giving the care of the kids to you. In my case, it generally acts as if he is still here. I can take the kids to the doctors, pick up medication, pick them up from school, drop them off etc, sign everything. I am only the fiance. When he was gone for a few weeks last school year, they stayed with me the whole time, and saw their mother for one weekend during that time. This was when I was still only a GF.
A General Power of Attorney will not work, it needs to be the Special one outlining what will happen if he becomes incapacitated while on duty. It basically says that you are acting for him. Does that make sense? I am very fortunate that the BM needs me more than I need her, but we did all this just in case. Also, if you are on the pickup list at the school, how can she stop you from picking the SD up? Does she go to school on base? The ex shouldn't have a military ID anymore, unless your DH got her an Agent Pass, and if that is the case, I would advise you to revoke it. Then she can only come on to base if you sponsor her on, meaning only when you want to.
i've never picked up sd
It's a TOTAL CONTROL thing with BM. In the court papers, it says that DH is the one to pick up SD. However, there are times where DH can't pick SD up; so one of his family members will pick her up and BM is okay with this.
I've tried communicating a pick up with BM before, she responded by calling DH immediately and saying that she does NOT want to deal with any third parties....I'll never forgive her for that. We'll see what happens when she can't get a hold of the kid or my DH..she used to contact me...NOT ANYMORE. I'm still waiting for that day she'll need to contact me. Isn't anyone asides from DH a third party!??!?!?
So anyways - she does not need to know your business at all. Next question is...WHY would you want SK if DH is out of town? I'd totally enjoy the free time! But then again..I know there are other relationships out there that are better than mine.
One time, DH had to leave town on Sunday for a meeting on Monday. That meant SD was alone with me for the entire day. DH told BM that he was leaving. BM wanted to pick SD up, but SD wanted to eat at restaurant with me and hang out (ahahhahah BM!!!). So, SD stayed...BUT, BM picked SD up earlier than she said she would. SD wasn't ready. BM was at the door...stupid me, I let BM in - she sat o nthe couch and waited until SD was ready. Luckly we just got a new puppy, so that kept BM busy.
I tried to research your posts...
and couldn't figure out if you actually physically pick up your SD from BM....or is it from a daycare of some sorts? Because if it's from daycare, I would just keep her out of the loop and let her assume DH will be there...
When DH and BM were in the heat of their divorce, BM freaked if I watched the girls while DH was at work during his scheduled visitation. DH told her too damn bad. It's his scheduled time, so if he gets a babysitter, that's his right. After the phone calls of screaming at DH, the girls took it upon themselves to stop telling her when Daddy went to work and I watched them. Smart little things, eh? These days.... BM could care less, but DH also calls her and asks her if she would like to "babysit" the girls if he has to go to work on a Saturday. That way she feels like she gets the choice....it's funny, 90% of the time she says no thanks, Colorado Girl can watch them.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."