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BMs respecting our marriages

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Wed, 05/15/2013 - 6:19pm

Just to be quite clear...BMs do not have to like or agree with our marriages. I know my SDs bm doesn't.

And I don't expect her to. I don't expect her to give a flying f$ck about my marriage. I don't expect her to respect it. You know why? She's not the person I'm married to. I expect her to leave me alone. That's the beginning and the end of what I want from her.

Asking bm to respect your marriage is useless because, unless she's a sane person, it likely will not happen.

Comments

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Wed, 05/15/2013 - 6:58pm

LOL, Anon, did someone pee in your Wheaties this morning?

Wink I am not disagreeing with you. BM doesn't respect me, my DH, or our marriage and I don't care. You know why??? Because DH respects himself, me and our marriage enough to make sure SHE doesn't make a lick of difference in my life.

RainbowsAndDaisies's picture

Submitted by RainbowsAndDaisies on Wed, 05/15/2013 - 7:15pm

Dh just had a really bizarre conversation with BM in which she alternately screamed, cried, blamed and belittled him about things ranging from eight years ago to LaLa Land and then explained to him how he must make sure that ss8 respects me because I am dh's wife and "I mean that's his stepmom!" FML she's nuts.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Wed, 05/15/2013 - 9:40pm

I read the blog where the op sent the email to bm, and in it, she asked the bm to respect her marriage. That didn't upset me, but I think it is pointless to ask bm to respect one's marriage. Unless she's a sane person, chances she will are slim.

katielee's picture

Submitted by katielee on Wed, 05/15/2013 - 8:33pm

I agree. BM totally does not respect our marriage either. And I don't give a sh*t if she respects it or not as long as she leaves us alone. She is very intrusive and thinks it is her right. But DH has told her how he feels about all her texts and phone calls, so I guess we'll see how well she respects her new boundaries (which I'm certain will be a battle).

B22S22's picture

Submitted by B22S22 on Thu, 05/16/2013 - 7:05am

I agree with Dtzy -- I found out that the way to make BM even nuttier than she is on any given day is to lead my life as though she does not exist.

BM thrives on attention and drama. She'll create it if it isn't already happening naturally. Part of that drama is for her to try to "piss on my trees" whenever she can. And I found out early on the more I fussed, the more she pissed.

So I stopped. The psychology of it is not unlike the psychology I use with my SK's. They don't exist in my world either because THEY made the decision to treat me as though I don't exist. Just returning the favor there.

BM knows I'm here during the day so she'll call (knowing DH isn't here) but I will not answer the phone. She comes to the door but I won't answer it (that's DH's chore if he's here). When she *really* needs to talk to DH, she calls his cell phone (which I also don't answer, but he usually has it with him). When she wants to try to stir up trouble, she calls the house phone or shows up at our house when she knows he's at work. And she's learned that complaining to DH does no good because he'll point out the fact that she's just trying to create havoc. There is nothing going on that requires her to interact with me, therefore she does not need to speak to me.