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How does becoming & being a mom impact how you feel about BM

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Sun, 01/19/2014 - 8:51am

Does it make you feel for her a little, or dislike her even more?

DH and I have thought about adoption in the past. Having my own child would probably make me shake my head at BM in disbelief even more. But it'd make me feel sad to have to share my child with another woman if DH and I divorced. It would hurt me a little to have to share said child with them on holidays, birthdays, etc. I wouldn't make it the child's issue, but it would hurt me a little inside.

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not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Submitted by not2sureimsanea... on Sun, 01/19/2014 - 10:55am

I'm told I'm a good sharer--I'd have to be given how much I see BD's grandparents, aunts, and uncles love her. I stand back and even though it pulls at my heart that the first person she smiled at was her Nana, the first time she rolled over was with my mom, I know that by me being generous about it means that BD's life will be that much easier. By allowing her to BE loved, I am showing her what love is. What have I got to be fearful of? I'm always going to be her mom. I have an entire lifetime with her (as long as nothing tragic happens), why begrudge a couple of days a week? I'm not going to be jealous of her schoolteachers, so why be jealous of anyone else?

And even though sometimes DH drives me nuts with how he takes care of her differently, he is her father, and so I keep my mouth shut and be thankful he wants to be involved. May not be the way I'd do things, but doesn't mean it's wrong.

I did feel very sorry for BM because it must be hard being who she is. It's hard to change who you are as a person, and even harder to control knee jerk emotions. She can't, and therefore her life has ended up terribly lonely. Her exSO is getting married, DH is married, everyone has moved on with their lives except her and that's very sad. I hope one day she tries to be more generous before it's too late.