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What would you be like as a MIL

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Mon, 10/14/2013 - 3:27pm

I just read another blog about a nasty MIL. So it got me to wondering what we all would be like as MILs. Especially to DILs due to a second marriage.

I don't have bios but if I did, I think I'd be a good one. I would make an effort to get to know and include them. Doesn't matter whether they're the first, second, or third DIL I've had.

And if I had grandkids whose SM was the DIL, I wouldn't get involved in their problems. If the grandkids came to me with a problem I'd give advice and offer them love and support, but stay out of it. And I would stay out of things between my son and his ex-wife. As in, I would leave the parenting to them unless they both died and nobody was left to take care of the kids until they reached adulthood.

Depending on how well everyone gets along (SM, BM, SMs DH and I), I might remain friendly with the ex-wife but would not do so if she cheated on my son or was a psycho.

Comments

Lalena75's picture

Submitted by Lalena75 on Mon, 10/14/2013 - 3:43pm

I hope I will be a good one. I adore both my children and hope they choose good partners for their future and I hope they end up with the one who will be both their forever mate, and baby daddy/mommy lol. However will be fiercely loyal to MY bios and since they would be the parent to my grandchildren then I will see and be involved through my bios. If they would end up divorcing or not being with the other parent I'll be by their side to do what they need to be a part of their kids lives because I'd darn well better not be lazy shitty parents who end up not fighting for their kids. Our state has grandparents rights if my kids suck I fight for my own visitation and I don't play nice.

z3girl's picture

Submitted by z3girl on Mon, 10/14/2013 - 3:46pm

I was actually thinking this same thing after reading the last post. What kind of MIL will I be one day if my boys get married? I hope to be a good one. I hope to have a relationship with my boys that they will want to come visit, or have me visit them. As long as any woman (or man/partner) they choose to have is good to them, I don't see why I wouldn't like them. All I want is for my boys to be happy, and anyone that makes them happy will be welcome in my book.

bearcub25's picture

Submitted by bearcub25 on Mon, 10/14/2013 - 3:56pm

I am a freaking awesome MIL.

I took in my DIL when she was 18 and pregnant and homeless. I stay out of my kids and their partners lives unless it adversely affects my grandkids. I don't barge in on my DD and SIL, and watch the baby on their terms, not mine. I do not bash the parents to the grandkids.

I am of the motto.....I don't care what goes on in your marriage, don't keep the gkids away from me.

3LittleDragonflies's picture

Submitted by 3LittleDragonflies on Mon, 10/14/2013 - 4:09pm

I want to be just like DH's SM.
We call her "Mama [Firstname]" and my kids call her Grandma. She and FIL married when DH was 17. When I met her, a mere two weeks into dating DH, she hugged me then sat down and started talking to me like an adult. She was the first person who didn't look at me as an 18 year old teenager, but instead as a potential wife for her son (note I said son. She refers to DH as her son and has said she'd adopt him if he was young enough!) When we visit, she treats me like one of her own kids. She's said if DH and I ever were to divorce, she was keeping me.
She keeps tabs on BM, and has sent her diapers and what not, but she keeps a distance with her. She rolls her eyes whenever she's brought up in conversation and refers to her as "That *really* bad decision DH made". She loves SD and my BDs equally.

She has 1 son of her own and FIL and she have adopted 3 girls (currently 13, 12, & 11. The youngest was just adopted about three months ago).
The black sheep in the family is her son due to his poor decisions. The rest of us are all loved by both parents.

doll faced sm's picture

Submitted by doll faced sm on Mon, 10/14/2013 - 5:04pm

Honestly, I imagine I'd be a cold-ish and distant MIL. It's not because I don't like people, but I have some pretty severe social issues. When I try to talk to people, it's very awkward; I've been called creepy, asked if I hated the world, and some other things. So, yeah.

MamaDuck's picture

Submitted by MamaDuck on Mon, 10/14/2013 - 6:10pm

I think for my oldest and youngest child, I will be a very pleasant MIL, I know how to give people space but also let them know that my door is always open, I am also not a judgemental person, I have made a tonne of mistakes myself, so I will not treat someone like a criminal because of there's.

My middle child, he is 9, he is top of the class in every subject, he is a very talented athlete, popular, compassionate, kind, he makes his bed every morning, folds his clothes etc etc etc, all without being asked.. If some trashy slutty ho bag leeches on to my boy, I will become her worst living nightmare!!!