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Where exactly do teen SKs fit in....as children or adults?

Anon2009's picture

My OSD was asking me this recently. She said the teachers at her school call them "young adults" but also sometimes say, "you kids." She said they do that at all grade levels in this school (she's a senior in HS and has been going to this school since the beginning of her freshman year). She was saying she, along with her friends, was confused by where they stand, as the teachers are overheard telling other kids, "you need to show respect for adults" but then say, "you are old enough to know not to act like this."

So that left me somewhat confused as well. I just said they're not fully grown adults but they're not toddlers either. They're right in the middle. So while they're not expected to do adult things like pay the bills, buy a house, raise the kids, etc., they are generally expected to know not to be rude to people, to talk to people about your feelings and be nice to everyone, even if you don't care for them.

Where do you think teen SKs fit in- as kids or as adults? Where do you think they should fit in maturity-wise- as kids or adults? It seems like some people expect these teens to act normal and right when really, they have so many issues and have been so damaged, and put adult shoes on. Then they are expected to put kid shoes on when dealing with adults, and recognize their place as kids. Does anyone here feel the same? Where do you all feel teen SKs fit in- as kids or adults? Do you expect them to have adult levels of maturity, or maturity levels of kids?

For some kids, like ones whose parents have always held them to standards, or at least have for many years, the second paragraph is fairly easy. Then there are some who weren't held to standards for a long time. Are those kids just supposed to act 100% normal and ok when they now are being held to standards? Are they supposed to adapt just like any other kid? Are they supposed to be the bigger person after being so screwed up by their parents, and treat them respectfully, when on some level, they KNOW they've been screwed?

My SDs adapted fairly well because my DH started holding them to standards at fairly young ages. He didn't start as early as I think he should have, but whatever.

Comments

oldone's picture

There's a HUGE difference between a 13 year old and a 19 year old so there's no one definition of what a teen is.

In the legal system you are automatically considered an adult at 18 but if the crime is horrible enough a much younger person can be tried as an adult.

There's also a difference in stupid mistakes and deliberate actions aimed at hurting people and property.

Anon2009's picture

"There's a HUGE difference between a 13 year old and a 19 year old so there's no one definition of what a teen is."

I agree with that.

Shaman29's picture

As long as an adult is responsible for them, paying for the roof over their heads, the food they eat, the clothes on their backs, the gas in the cars they drive, their car insurance, paying for their extras, paying for their trips, etc......then they are fricking kids.

bi's picture

i think it depends on maturity level. sd20 had this bad habit when she was 15-18 of wavering on whether she wanted to be a kid or an adult based on the situation and what she wanted. if she wanted money spent on her, she was a kid. if she wanted to do something she was told no to, she was an adult. i flat out told her that she can't be both a kid and an adult, so pick one and stick to it. she really enjoyed that in between stage because she thought she could manipulate every situation to benefit her by screaming KID or ADULT, whichever suited her at the moment.

DaizyDuke's picture

My DH puts SD15 into whatever category is convenient for the situation. So if she's being a slob, doing stupid stuff, breaking stuff whatever.. "she's just a kid" However, if she wants DH to spend 100+ dollars for her to get her hair done, or buy 75+ dollars worth of make-up and crap at Ulta... "she's a young woman"

This drives me batty.