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The word "respect"

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 9:18pm

In reading a lot of blog entries and going through my life, I've come to the conclusion that the word "respect" is used an awful lot in blended/stepfamilies.

I know that "respect" can bmean being polite to someone. I also know that it can mean admiring someone/something.

I have concluded that we need to stop using the word "respect." Why? Because all too often, people can interpret that to mean we expect them to admire us. I don't admire my stepmother and I certainly don't expect my SDs to admire me. I treat my stepmother with civility. That's what I expect from the girls and I've been very clear with them on that.

I think that if the skids are told that they don't have to love or like us, but they have to treat us with civility and obey us, instead of being told they must respect us, that will help both them and us. That way, they can save their respect/admiration for Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, 50 Cent, etc., and we get treated with civility and obedience.

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caregiver1127's picture

Submitted by caregiver1127 on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 9:35pm

I like the word respect and for me it means to hold high or have special regard : the quality or state of being esteemed I totally respect my parents and I admire them - maybe if children these days were taught to admire their parents and not Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, 50 Cent, etc., this world would be a different place. As a stepmother I know we are told that we are not the parents but I feel that that is part of the problem with these family dynamics - we are expected to do everything a mother would do but are told on a constant basis that we are not the mother. I don't want to be my SS's mother but I am a mother figure to him - he calls me mom per his request and when he lived with me full time for 3 years I was the person he spent the most time with out of the 3 parental figures in is life. So I do want my SS to admire me and respect me for sacrificing my time and effort to help him become a better person. I want him to think of the word respect and think of me, his dad and mom and admire and respect us not these ridiculous figures that have done nothing to deserve or warrant their respect or admiration.

So I want the word respect but I also think respect, civility and obedience go hand in hand - you can not obey someone that you do not respect! To me respect is earned and as a parent and step parent every day you work hard and earn that respect and admiration. If more kids would admire their parents and work to make their parents proud of them then sites like these would not be needed!

Preshusmalott's picture

Submitted by Preshusmalott on Wed, 12/08/2010 - 4:40pm

I found in a talk with my husband that saying I want my SD to be civil and obey me went over ALOT better than throwing that word out there

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