Newbee on Halloween....
Good morning all! Friday in our city we have a halloween parade and then Tuesday the 31st is trick or treating, BF has class on the 31st so I suggested we get the kids on Friday night to watch the parade and then go to a haunted house, keep them overnight and bring ss to his soccer game in the morning. ( ss and sd live about 40 minutes away and I'm sad to say that there are no set visitations, a whole other story!) BF agreed to this option that I suggested (one for me 
and contacted BM right away in the beginning of the week (another one for me to ask if that would work out (she has all the control) she agreed of course with a laundry list of things she didn't want me to do (i.e. kids couldn't be left alone with me, he had to be there at all times, I couldn't drive them alone, etc, etc. ) ...I'm happy to say that BF stood up to her and told her not tell him what he could or couldn't do when he had the kids. I was so happy that a)he called and made a plan and b)that he stood up for us!
Of course we're getting down to Friday and I'm feeling very uneasy because I just don't trust her. Since that phone call in the beginning of the week, she's been texting him after several drinks every night except for one that I believe she was with her boyfriend! So many times before she has said oh yes and then never showed up or called with some excuse why the kids couldn't come. I don't want to be negative and think the worst but those fears just keep rearing their ugly head. My biggest concern is how I'll handle it, because I really am trying to rise above and be the better person and not let it get to me, its just very difficult!
I'm glad I have a place to vent...so stay tuned, I'll either be blogging Friday with venom or I'll be blogging on Saturday happy as a clam!
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Comments
apd
We had a similar non-visitation schedule in the beginning. It stinks!!
I will be having a similar choice of posts on Halloween. I can't wait to hear what happens with your situation on Fri.
Dawn
Control freak BM
I know what it's like dealing with a controlling BM. She places all these unreasonable "rules" on us, like SD may not ride in the car alone with me. Oh please. There are times when her dad must work late, or her baby sister is napping and we don't want to wake her up to drive SD back to BM's (Dad doesn't drive, so all the driving falls on me, whether or not he's in the car with us.)
So we all have to bend over backwards and follow these ridiculous rules or she won't let SD come for our weekends. Plain and simple, possession is 9/10 of the law. She has the power and she knows it. She also knows that we don't have the time nor the resources to take her to court, just so the judge will say "tsk tsk" to her for her appalling behavior.
Bottom line is: she is jealous and vindictive and feels threatened by our strong family unit. What we provide to SD: 3 bedrooms/2 1/2 bathrooms, 2 parents, a baby sister (half), and a loving, stable environment. What she provides to SD: 1 bedroom/1 bathroom apartment, 1 bipolar parent where the child takes care of the mother, rather than the other way around, and a stressful, high-anxiety environment.
I try to remind myself that she is sad and pathetic and she only has the power to destroy us if we let her. We are a happy family and she HATES that so she is naturally going to want to try to take that away. I choose to feel sorry for her rather than hate her guts - which is what I used to do. I'm still working on it. I can't say that I don't get infuriated by her anymore, but I am really working on changing my attitude. For my own sanity! And yes, this is a GREAT site to unload all the frustations in.
One thing I really like to do is kind gestures like bake banana bread for her with my SD. My reasons are many. First, it makes my SD feel good that I am making a friendly effort toward her mom. SD is, after all, half her mother half her father and I don't ever EVER want her to know that I harbor so much resentment against her mother. Second, I don't actually have to be kind to the woman to her face because it is extremely difficult to act "happy" when she does heinous things to us. Third, doing nice things for her will take away her reasons for hating me. I know she will continue to hate me, but she won't have any reason to! Fourth, I think it drives her nuts that I have a loving relationship with her daughter and when we she comes back with a jack-o-lantern for Mommy after a lovely weekend with us, it'll serve as a reminder to her that she doesn't have it together enough to do those sorts of things with her kid herself. And that gives me a touch of satisfaction.
So apd, just know that BM will ALWAYS throw a monkey wrench in your plans. It's tough, it sucks, I hate it too, but she won't change. Instead of driving yourself crazy over it, kill her with kindness. You'll sleep better at night. Oh, and coming here to rant to a sympathetic group of people in similar situations helps a lot too!
You will handle it just fine...
What is the worst that is going to happen to you, if vindicitive bm withholds child from dad? You will be disapointed, and you will feel terrible that his child will miss out...but your fears stem from you worrying about how you will feel. Be strong, and don't let this vindictive woman get to you, let it be like water on a duck's back, and she won't touch you emotionally. After all, that is her goal. My advice, don't let this woman be successful at sabotaging your efforts, by holding your feelings hostage. If you know you will get over whatever this woman does, it won't be as devastating when she pulls her bs.
In a way, you and bf are signing up for this b/c there is no set visitations. I know this department all too well. When I met my dh, he had no parenting plan whatsoever, and we had ss on bm's good mood days. Until you have a court order establishing dad's parental rights, you will have to kiss her ass to see his child. It sucks!
Remember to be strong, if this woman withholds his child, life will go on, you tried, and that is all you can do. Don't let her hold your feelings hostage over his child!