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DH wants me to take the Plan B Pill

bellladonna's picture

Submitted by bellladonna on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 8:57am

I am really hurt and upset right now. DH and I are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. We are celebrating in one of my favorite cities. So last night we really *celebrated* and got carried away and didn't use any birth control. This morning DH wakes up and says "Don't they have a pill you can take?" I ask him what is he talking about? He says, "You know, don't they have a 72 hour pill you can take so you don't get pregnant? I don't want any more kids right now."' W....T....F...... I felt like he punched me in the stomach.

I asked him if I was preggers would that be so horrible? He didn't say anything he just looked at me with the stupid ass look on his dumb face. I said would you want me to get an abortion? He repeated that he doesn't want any more kids right now. But he's fighting for custody of SS6. Omg, I'm so mad I'm shaking. He has no idea how bad he's hurt me. I don't know what to do. I want to type more but I'm on my phone.

I can't tell this to anyone else because DH likes to portray this image of him being the perfect husband and father so when I try to talk to my family and friends they say, but he's so good to you. You have "everything". They just don't know.

Sad Sad Sad

Comments

just.his.wife's picture

Submitted by just.his.wife on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 9:03am

Just making sure I have this straight.

He is going to spend a ton of $$ (or already has and will continue to) to gain custody of HIS kid, that YOU will have to deal with, that is NOT yours biologically.

But your (possible) kid, he wants you to take a pill and get rid of because HE doesn't want another kid??

So its ok to have his and bm's kid around full time.
Not ok to have a his and yours around full time?

Go lose it on his unthinking, unfeeling, moronic ass. This "man" deserves it.

Sunflower1's picture

Submitted by Sunflower1 on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 9:28am

Plan B is a large dose of progesterone, it only works if you haven't ovulated. In fact woman who are having a hard time getting preggo take high levels of progesterone when they have a hard time conceiving. How do I know this? When I got pregnant I took plan B within twelve hours, I told my OB and was worried it would have side effects ( this was doubled when I miss carried) she told me all of the above.

Sunflower1's picture

Submitted by Sunflower1 on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 12:08pm

Ladyface- I get what you're saying but if you dig a bit deeper, there are studies done that are pretty inconclusive on implantation, they had a hard time finding a group that was willing to take plan B after ovulating. My OB told me if you've ovulated already its a waste of money, because they have seen so many women getting pregnant with it. It is the synthetic form of progesterone you are correct on that- its how it prevents ovulation, because your body "thinks" it's preggo so it won't lay an egg Wink

bellladonna's picture

Submitted by bellladonna on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 9:11am

I so want to lose it on his bitchass! But I'm afraid I might hurt him and end up in jail. We are 1200 miles away from home and I don't have bail money.

bellladonna's picture

Submitted by bellladonna on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 9:16am

I can see your point. The whole thing is just ugly. And the way he said it was so hurtful. We have DD3 (who was planned). And I agree both parties need to be one the same page. But IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY! Maybe he could have said it in a better way.

queenofthedamned's picture

Submitted by queenofthedamned on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 10:39am

Actually, LadyFace, hormonal BC CAN have lasting side effects. It can even be deadly. Particularly for someone like me, who has a previously undiagnosed blood clotting disorder. The only reason my disorder was even found was because I had multiple miscarriages while trying to conceive, so I had many many tests done. Ob/GYNs do not routinely test for these disorders before prescribing BC to otherwise healthy women. I was on BC for YEARS and I shudder to think about what could have happened.

I understand that most people can take this stuff with no issue, but it is not as cut and dry as it seems. Hormones ARE chemicals, and taking them in doses that the body does not normally produce CAN cause issues.

queenofthedamned's picture

Submitted by queenofthedamned on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 11:14am

I hope you have a quick and easy TTC journey! I spent a lot of time and money researching this shit when I was TTC, and I'm now a premed student. The human body is essentially billions of chemical reactions happening every minute of life. Substances you put into it can and do have effects on how those reactions play out - some people will be effected more than others but it does happen. It kind of irks me to hear people say (I hear this at work all. the. time.) "But it's natural, so it must be safe!"

Ummm... cancer is natural. AIDS is natural. Herpes is natural. None of those are safe lol!

queenofthedamned's picture

Submitted by queenofthedamned on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 11:19am

(And I think we're being a tad dramatic in calling it a "chemical" or "substance" when it's a form of hormonal BC that's been around for 60 years and has shown to have zero lasting, adverse side affects).

I think you were the one who compared the two. I was just responding to what you said about hormonal BC in general. I have zero experience with Plan B and never will, so I can't speak on that. But a one time high dose of something that can cause issues when taken over a prolonged period certainly has the potential to cause a problem.

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 9:39am

I agree with this 100%. If OP has a baby knowing that DH doesn't, it will likely lead to resentment on both sides, which too often ends up affecting the child.

I can certainly understand the hurt he caused in how he said it, but bringing about a child out of carelessness, knowing he isn't into it seems more careless, IMO.

thebrokenrecordmachine's picture

Submitted by thebrokenrecord... on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 9:24am

Sorry...I have to chime in here....I would stay away from the PLAN B BC Pill...it is made with Levongestrel...the same medication that is in MIRENA...Mirena has caused me nothing but grief, after it was removed almost 9 months ago...look online at how many women are complaining about the Mirena withdrawal...it causes MAJOR anxiety attacks, night sweats, heart palpitations even infertility...my recommendation is to stay away from it.

And this is not directed at you in any way, so I hope you wont take offense....but it was your wedding anniversary, if he didn't want another kid....he should have done something about it...where a condom...I hate how it is always the "women's responsibility" you've already done your due diligence. I say this because of the Mirena withdrawal.

Also..I would take severe offense that its okay for you to inject your stuff in your ex, but not me?
He is just being an idiot, im sure he didn't mean to offend you, but some men get over whelmed...and don't realize the implications of their statements!

thebrokenrecordmachine's picture

Submitted by thebrokenrecord... on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 9:42am

Yes sorry...I had the IUD in me for about 4 years got it removed earlier this year...so yes I am 100% sure that I had way more of a dose then anyone taking 1 pill. However, if you look up how bad levongestrel is, whenever I see or hear in conversation anything about that particular fake hormone. I have to say something because it is SO toxic...and it has destroyed almost a year of my life because of the effects of it. It puts your body in state of menopause, Im only 27, in some it caused perimenopause...I have had shear hell from this drug...and never again will I ever take anything that controls hormones...it was also in the infamous BC Norplant, which Pfizer was sued over 10 years ago and it was recalled...due to law suits.
I read online once, "fertility is not a disease".

Forgive me for being passionate, it has caused the most Panic Attacks Ive ever had in my entire life, even more so when my ex cheated on me 5 years ago...its getting better, but has caused a lot of grief still!

thebrokenrecordmachine's picture

Submitted by thebrokenrecord... on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 9:42am

Yes sorry...I had the IUD in me for about 4 years got it removed earlier this year...so yes I am 100% sure that I had way more of a dose then anyone taking 1 pill. However, if you look up how bad levongestrel is, whenever I see or hear in conversation anything about that particular fake hormone. I have to say something because it is SO toxic...and it has destroyed almost a year of my life because of the effects of it. It puts your body in state of menopause, Im only 27, in some it caused perimenopause...I have had shear hell from this drug...and never again will I ever take anything that controls hormones...it was also in the infamous BC Norplant, which Pfizer was sued over 10 years ago and it was recalled...due to law suits.
I read online once, "fertility is not a disease".

Forgive me for being passionate, it has caused the most Panic Attacks Ive ever had in my entire life, even more so when my ex cheated on me 5 years ago...its getting better, but has caused a lot of grief still!

bellladonna's picture

Submitted by bellladonna on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 9:38am

TBR, I am not at all offended. What you said is on point. I was going to use Mirena but when I did my research I decided to pass. I saw a lot of negative side effects. And read that it even came out in some cases. Yikes

And yes that thought did cross my mind about him and BM.

HungryEyes's picture

Submitted by HungryEyes on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 10:32am

I have the Mirena and I love it. Best birth control ever. I don't have any of the side effects you talk about so I think it's not accurate to generalize your symptoms for everyone. Sorry but every time someone disses Mirena, I feel like I have to mention that it's worked awesome for me and I love it.

I.Just.Live.Here's picture

Submitted by I.Just.Live.Here on Sun, 09/15/2013 - 10:40pm

I also have to agree that the choice should be made mutually but he could have worded it better. On the note of Mirena, it is the worst thing I have ever had. Yeah, it was great for preventing pregnancy though I'm fairly certain it was because of the one week periods about three to four DAYS apart that prevented pregnancies. I insisted my husband get a vasectomy because I am basically incapable to remembering the pill (Exhibit A, BS) and I had to get that awful thing out before I lost my mind. Not only did I have almost continous periods, it made me moody, anxious, and all around crazy.

luchay's picture

Submitted by luchay on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 2:31am

Yep, me three.

Sooooo not ok to not take due care then be such as ass about it afterwards.

I get the getting carried away, but if there is consequences then you man up and deal, you do not put the responsibility for what YOU do or don't want on to someone else in such a callojs way.

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 9:48am

It sounds like your DH (& you) have a lot going on right now. He has an obligation to do what's right for the children he already has before he has another one.

If he feels he needs to put his efforts into getting custody of his son & you already have your DD3, another baby at this point would likely be quite overwhelming.

As I mentioned earlier, I can understand the hurt you feel, but isn't it better that he express his feelings honestly now instead of after it's too late?

As far as the comment TBR made "I would take severe offense that its okay for you to inject your stuff in your ex, but not me?" it's not a valid statement. He did inject his stuff in OP. They have a child together.

OP, maybe I missed it somewhere else, but can I ask why you're not taking BC?

bellladonna's picture

Submitted by bellladonna on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 9:56am

Storm, you make a lot of valid points. It's funny because I usually disagree with you! I am not on BC because I have very servere side effects. I've tried almost everything. The last pill I was on caused vision problems and my hair fell out. I had bald spots the size of quarters. Sad

tryingtobecalm's picture

Submitted by tryingtobecalm on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 9:53am

Yep!!! its boths responsibility to use birth control. I never understand why men put all the blame on women. I may have the egg but you bring the sperm!!! its kind of a big deal.

nothinforya's picture

Submitted by nothinforya on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 11:27am

I'm long past the age where I have to worry about BC, but my 2cents worth is that the sponge was the best BC I ever used. I saw it back in the drug store recently. For a barrier method, it is effective, in the woman's control, and unobtrusive.

For belladonna, I'm so sorry you are faced with this issue. I know it hurts that your DH wants to avoid having another baby at this time. But you would normally would have used BC, correct? So it's reasonable for him to want to follow through with what the two of you had already agreed, which was to avoid conception.

queenofthedamned's picture

Submitted by queenofthedamned on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 11:29am

Did you ever see the Seinfeld episode where they're taking the sponge off the market and Elaine goes crazy trying to stock up? lol

Can't believe it's back! Should've been a long time ago.

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 12:18pm

Certainly when it all comes down to the nitty gritty, it IS her body & her choice. It's a big choice that affects a large part of her life & the people in it.

Part of making that choice is considering the effects it will have on her life & the people in it. As a partner in a marriage, a responsible person will consider the effect that decision will have in their relationship/marriage, & in the life of the possible child.

They have an "ours" child.

Power is a big thing that needs to be used responsibly. Just because you CAN make a decision that is right for you alone, doesn't mean you SHOULD.

Cocoa's picture

Submitted by Cocoa on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 12:15pm

was having more children an option going into this marriage? it sounds like you would like to have more. if it had been discussed that yes, the two of you will have your own child, i'd feel very betrayed after being together this long. did you realize that going for custody of his child would mean you couldn't have your own child with your dh? if after being together for 5 years, he's not ready to have more children, it doesn't sound like he's ever going to be ready. is this ok with you? if I felt his was taking away from our future together in order to provide more resources for the son he had from a prior relationship, it would be a deal-breaker for me. did he say why he's not ready and when he thinks he will be?