Fathers Day-for the soon to be single H.
For those who follow my story, you know the deal. You know the financial nightmares H hid from me when we married. You know the inappropriate behaviour between H & SD18.
In May, things were really bad. Really really bad. H's garnishment is killing us financially, yet he spent spent spent on SD18. He promised me that once May was over, if I'd just get thru that month with him ( as it was devoted-the entire month and tons of money-to SD18 by H) things would change. SD18 would be out of school and 18, and things would get better.
So you know the story of H spending his time working on SD18's car last weekend. What I didn't know at the time-was he overdrew our account, writing checks to repair this car SD18 had to have of BMs. Even tho he'd promised me, when she threw the car she got from us last year in our face, that she was on her own with this one.
I was livid. My good credit is the only thing I now have left, and this is the second month in a row he's overdrawn our account because of indulging SD18.
Turns out good 'ole H was working so furiously on SD18's car so she and SD14 could drive to his apartment, to spend the entire weekend this weekend with H.
Now, last year I felt so bad for him because SD18 wouldn't stir her lazy bones to drive 30 miles in the car she GOT FROM US to see her dad on fathers day. Amazing how things change in a year.
Seems as tho H decided he would take his D's to the amusement park for fathers day. So, along with several hundred dollars he spent fixing SD18's car, he is spending another hundred taking them to this park. For fathers day. They both have part-time summer jobs-but for fathers day they wanted him to take them. So he has spent 1/3 of his paycheck (he gets paid every 2 weeks) on his precious darlings. Not to mention the overdraft fees.
So, how was my Mother's Day? If you remember, I spent it driving H's & SD14's dog to meet H. Because BM and skids would not watch what is supposedly SD14's dog for ONE day so I could go see my son on Mothers Day.
Last time I went to H's apartment, he was, of course, exhausted. As he is anytime it's for us to do anything. H threw a bitch fit because I wanted to go for a drive in the mountains (about a 45 min drive). He threw a bitch fit because KFC cost $18.00.
But since the precious SD18 is there, by golly, he was happy to drive them 30 miles so they could go skating Fri. nite. I'm sure he took them shopping today. And tomorrow-well, they'll all be at the amusement park. H is never to tired to spend 8 hours walking around an amusement park for SD18.
This is the final straw, all. I've watched H treat SD18 like the wife, I've watched the secret phone calls, I've watched the secret plans. I've watched him spend like there's no tomorrow on her. I've watched him buy them matchy matchy shoes, I've been told how she is never to be asked to do ANYTHING here, I've been told to gift her my jewelry (tho she hates me). I've been chewed out over the weekly grocery bill, then watched him spend $80.00 to prepare a feast of her choosing (never once has he done that for SD14 or myself-he used to own restaurtants and can really cook). I've watched him let her choose where we will go anytime we've all been together. I've sat and watched while she plopped her grown ass on his lap, and they snuggle. I've watched her walk up and give him full body hugs, clinging to him, while he clings back.
I've seen huge bills from years ago. I've had the sheriff at the door to serve H a summons over an unpaid bill from 5 years ago. I see each and everyone of his paychecks being garnished. I've seen who knows how many years of unfiled tax returns..all this from the man who swore he had his finances all straightened out when I married him a year and 2 months ago.
I've listened to him bitch about how he shouldn't have to do any work on his days off-meaning upkeep of the house-provided for, rent free, by my parents; and when he's home, his pleasure time is spent either a. gambling with his buddies or b. indulging SD18. While I stay at home.
This is no life. I am moving on.
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Comments
It's time.
I have to agree. This guy sounds like a total user and loser! He was a piece of S@@@ before you met him and he still is, you just didn't see it in time. Move on and start over. Kick his ass out of your house and see how far he and his daughters get on their own. It will interesting to watch them fall apart and end up broke and hating eachother and broke. You are just allowing them to continue this sick charade longer. Good for you! I know it's really tough to do but we are here for you. A year from now this won't seem so bad, I promise.
Bewitched
Oh honey. I am so sorry. I really wish I could just give you a hug and take you out for coffee (or, if you'd like, something STRONGER!)
You are right. Your blog sounds so dejected and sad, I too believe it is time for you to move on.
Please get your finances SEPARATE from his as soon as you can and see a lawyer if you need to stop depositing into any joint accounts.
My thoughts and prayers and hugs are with you.
I'm truly sorry.
GAWD....that is terrible. I
GAWD....that is terrible.
I think you need to make the leap. You will be ok.
Positive thoughts.
Have you read
Men who hate women and the women who love them?
Many times misogynists have emotionally inappropriate relationships with their daughters, ie. they abuse their wives and dote on their daughters.
No, I haven't read that. Interesting tho.
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
Perhaps I'll see what I can find out about this.
Bewitched...
I've always kept you in my prayers... to escape from that wretched man and to find some peace and quiet in your life.
I'm so glad that you are finally stepping away from him.
*hugs* You're a strong woman, and you can get through this.
SW19-it helps. The horrid way he is treating me today just
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
reinforces that I am doing the right thing. He's screaming at me on the phone, while he has his precious princess' with him. Calling over and over again, and when I don't answer, leaving nasty vm's. He's mad because he's at the amusement park on Fathers Day ( doing what THEY wanted) instead of gambling at the casino. Like that's my fault. I told him SD18 is a spoiled brat (he's already told me how she hates me), but now is screaming F*k You Bewitched. THEY (boths SD's) HATE YOU.
Well, it's mutual. My sons want nothing to do with him. This has escalated beyond any and all reason. And I'm glad he's saying all this. It will make it very easy for me to go to the courthouse tomorrow. It will make it very easy for me to call my attorney, and say file. Now.
what a prick
Excuse my language but I am hopping mad now! How dare he yell at you like that! I hope you tell that wretched scumbag not to bother coming home and that he will find his possessions at the local landfill.
That man has some frickin nerve!
Actually Sasha, it makes what I have to do easier.
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
About 7 months ago SD18 broke up with her 16 y.o. boyfriend. Because a cook at the restaurant where she works spoke to her impolitely, and her bf, who also worked there, did not fight him over it. So H asked her if she really wanted to be with a guy who would not stand up for her.
So I just left him my last voice mail. I told him that that was actually good advice, and I am taking it. I will not stay with a man who not only will not stand up for me, but expects me to cook, clean and buy gifts for someone who hates me. In fact, the very someone who brought that individual (SD18) who hates me into my life.
I also pointed out to him that no matter how mad he's been at her (like over her F**king Freshman Whores video), I will guarantee you that he has never sprayed her in the eyes with an air hose, came at her like he was going to choke her, or held her down and spit in her eyes. Like he has done to me. Instead, he sends her a text message saying "Honey, the reason I am so mad is I was so heart broken over over that video, because I love you so much."
So it's best this way. When H reiteriated to me that SD18 HATES me (he actually said both SD's, but then backed off about SD14), I told him, good. Then she will never be in my house again. He said then my BS's will never be allowed here either. (Deep breath). I told him he'd best take that up with my parents-they own the house, and will be the ones to decide who and who is not allowed here.
The battle, for me, is over. No more. I had told him I would not be talking to him this afternoon, as all we were doing was bickering and saying cruel things to each other. But he would not let it rest. He called and called and called and called. I now have 9 very nasty voicemails from him, in the space of 2 hours.
I'm just tired. And want it over with.
I don't know how you've done it this long
I suppose the one saving grace has been that he's away most of the week. Make a recording of all his nasty voice mails and take it with you when you go to the courthouse. Remember to also get an order of protection or restraining order (reference the voicemails as reason for getting the order). Throw his shit out and change the locks. Anything would be better than living in constant chaos when he's there (and even when he isn't). Don't wait any longer.
I'll be thinking of you.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Bewitched
I'm worried for you. Are your parents on the same property? His constant calling and physical abuse in the past is SCARY shit. Please do as Sasha says and keep the voicemails and get a protection order.
Get his stuff together and leave it at a mutual friends house.
And if you can, get someone to stay with you.
Please let us know how it goes tomorrow. Do you have to call in to work to go to the courthouse? Or can you go to the Police?
Worry not, my friends. I will be going to the courthouse first
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
thing in the morning. I will get an order of protection. My attorney said just the difference in size (H 6', 250 lbs, me 5', 109 lbs) would be enough to get one. But I'll def take the cell w/the nasty voicemails with.
My parents are not on the same property-but they are right next door. And I told them I was doing this and if they see him over here while I'm at work to just call the police.
I called the police.
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
H's calls kept escalating. In fact, while I was on the phone with the police department, he called and called and called. The last time I spoke with him, his words were "Be careful, payback is a bitch".
So the officer came over, and H was calling calling calling. The officer answered the phone and told him if he called again, it is phone harrassment. Then I signed a paper for extra watches on the house for the next week, until he is served with a restraining order. Which the officer advised me to get first thing in the morning. And I will.
Anyway, if H should get a wild hair and show up here in the middle of the night or something, they can charge him with trespassing, until the restraining order is in effect.
So worry not, my friends. And thanks for the solid advice.
No, I'll be ok. If H would show up, his little dog would go nuts
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
and I'd know he was here before he got to the door. And he does not have keys, so everything will be locked up tight. I live about 5 blocks from the police station, and there is a bank across the street. Very very visable.
Becareful Bewitched....
This is what I read in your posts....
I am confident, I am dependent, I am a winner !
Follow thru........and when you feel a tad weaker, go back and read your posts... We have all prayed for you thru out all of this. You deserve so much better. Bewitched there is a princess in you...I have seen it.
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
Oh, SW, thanks so much.
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
This man never ceases to amaze me, I am floored. I had 10 threatening voicemails from him saved in my phone messages. The account (Alltel) is in his name. I was going to use those messages at the courthouse in the morning to help get the restraining order. He had to have contacted Alltel, got my password changed, and deleted the messages. I can't believe how this man's mind works. I called Alltel to try and retrieve them, but they are gone. They did say if I need them for future use, the court can subpeona them. But that won't help me in the morning. Hopefully, my attorney is right, tho, and I won't have any difficulty getting the restraining order.
BW
as always, youa re in my prayess. Stay strong and Hurray for making the decision to let go!!!
One can only hope!
You have the policeman as a witness
That should help with the restraining order.
Oh Bewitched
I'm lending my support to you as well. You've been through enough crap with this man so GOOD FOR YOU for doing what is necessary to make yourself safe. Hang in there! We're all behind you!
Your story gives me chills . . .
Please be very careful. This man sounds like he will stop at nothing. There has got to be something seriously wrong with him, and I wouldn't doubt if there was something just not right going on between him and his daughter. He's treating her like a girlfriend, and his treatment of you is inexcuseable!!
I'm so glad you have taken the precautions you have. Please be careful.
Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!
BW
Be careful! I'm so glad to hear that you're finally going to begin living your life again. But I hope you stay safe. This man sounds just plain crazy! I'm glad that the authorities are willing to help you out. Stay strong and believe in yourself. You can and should have a much better life than the one you've been stuck in.
))))hugs((((
Bewitched
Based on your posts you are doing the right thing for yourself. Don't be scared. You will be all right.