Dear H:
This is what I sent to SD17. And it's not just about last Friday. It's about the way she has treated me ever since you and I got married. I didn't say much to you about it this summer, cause I thought it would pass when she realized I was going to be your wife for a very long time. But it didn't change. But I probably need to let you know these things before you even think of discussing this further with her or me.

All summer long, when you were home, outside working on the hot tub project, if she showed up (which was, if you remember, quite frequently when she was dating that boy over here), she would march in the front door, not say Hi bewitched, or anything. Just demand-Where's MY Dad!. That would be all she'd say to me.

Not too long ago she followed me downstairs and started looking around. Remember the hole in the door to the room that was BS's? She, in the tone only SD17 is capable of using-looked at me and demanded-and I mean demanded-Why isn't this door fixed! Then she continued to look at the unfinshed beams, which, as we both know, have some cobwebs on them-looked at me and said "Ewwww. Gross." For me, who was living on a tiny income, I did the best I could with this old house. There was a fire in the basement, I'm sure it was the firemen who used an ax on the door. I felt bad that this was all I could offer BS. But he never complained. He never said it was not good enough for him. And she dare say that to me. about my home. Like she's some queen who is too good for anything. Like I have to please her. Like she's better than, too good for what my son and I lived in. Like it's hers to judge. Well, it's not. She will not come in and insult me again. She will not come in this house and act like she is above what I have ever again. That really hurt, ya know? It hurt. Because I did the best I could with what I had. And then to get that snotty attitude, when it's none of her business anyway. She acts as tho she's some rich persons kid, living in a fine mansion. No the case. the home her mother rents is no better than this one.

She never once even thought to apologize about leaving me sitting waiting for her when she was late for the dentist appointment. In fact, tried to blame me for for cancelling the appointment when I had the decency to call dentists office and tell them we (she) was late. Her response to you being angry with her was (again, in Asley tone) "Well, I WASN"T THE ONE WHO CANCELLED THE APPOINTMENT!". No, Dentists office was the one who cancelled the appointment because SHE couldn't be bothered to arrive on time. I was the one who apologized to them.

Same thing with the car. I was so thrilled to be able to do that for her, because it's more than I've been able to do for anyone including my very own kids, in a very long time. And not only was there never a thank you, there was only complaints. Same with the Christmas gifts. I don't care if she didn't like them. I tried to please her. The organizer she bought for the jeep was not the one I wanted, but I thanked her and didn't say "This ISN't what I wanted". Perhaps I should have.

I have tired to be loving to SD17. I've tried. You know all I tried to do for her. What you don't know is what I've taken from her, because I loved you. But I can't continue to take it any longer. To have the Christmas gifts bitched about, her attitude about the car, nothing is good enough for her. Sorry. I know she is your dautgher and you love her.

But I also know that I do not expect you to love oldest BS, with the animosity between you two. I also know how angry you got when we were dating and he aswered the door and didn't speak to you. I also know you and I both called him on rudeness. And he left the very next day. It made me sick to my stomach to have him leave like that. But whats right is right, and backing down because a kid wants treat someone anyway they please is wrong on so many levels.

Well, oldest BS is pretty much out of the picture for you. His choice, I know. But you don't have to come home and be treated rudely by my son everytime you come home.

So what SD17 needs to realize is that I'm done handling her with kid gloves. Enough is enough. If she wants to apologize, sincerely apologize, and straighten up, we'll see. My feelings are not going to change overnite. I've taken this off of her since we got married and have alot of hurt and anger at her. And she never once has apologized for one single thing. If she doesn't want to apologize and find some manners, then I don't need the additional stress at this time. In fact, neither one of us do. You can have your relationship with her and visit her in the town she lives in. She is 2 short months away from being a legal adult, so time for her to own up to her actions.

I don't hate her. But I do hate her attitude. I do hate that she thinks she can come onto my turf and take over, bossing me, treating me like a big nothing. I do hate that she thinks she some kind of entitled queen, and watching you let her get away with it, in our home, was hard. And I (we) won't let that happen any longer.

I know you love your daughters. But loving them does not mean allowing them to treat any and all any way they choose and expecting our spouse to just put up with it. SD14 is my girl. Always will be.

I listened in disbelief when you told me SD17 told you SD14 cried herself to sleep because I didn't call her on her birthday. No, I didn't call her. I went to her birthday party. I went and got her the Ipod, we paid the difference, and I took her to dinner the day before her birthday. So I asked SD14 about it; asked her to be totally honest with me. She said, No. Of course she did not cry herself to sleep. She said what happened was SD17 asked her who called and wished her happy birthday. She names off the people. then SD17 says Did Bewitched Call You. SD14 said no. So SD17 was so obviously trying to get you mad at me by saying poor little SD14 cried herself to sleep. C'mon. In the first place, why would she cry when I was with her not once, but twice for her birthday? In the second place, since when does SD17 care about SD14's feelings? No, she just saw an opportunity to start a fight between you and I.

SD17 and I are more like you and oldest BS. My oldest BS has let me know he stays away because he and you probably never will get on. And I've had to accept that.SD17 has that same option. The option she does not have is to ever walk in the door of this house and bring her "I'm the entitled queen" attitude with her.

I've tried for length of our marriage to work it out with this young woman. She has chosen to continue being hateful towards me. I was honestly surprised when she acted the way she did last weekend-because I thought, after she told you I'm funny etc. that it would be different.

Funny thing is, we've done more for her than any of the kids combined. And she's the one who doesn't appreciate anything. So I'm done.

Your daughter is now an adult (or will be in 2 months). WE have the choice of whether she will drive us apart or not. She can live her own life, pay the consquences for her behavior. And its time she does.

But right now, we have enough going on to struggle through. So I'm done trying with her.
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That's the gist of it, anyway. I have 10 months bottled up in me of anger and rage from the treatment I received from SD17 and from H.

He got it (my anger at him) yesterday. And I'm still calling an attorney at my first opp (hopefully after my interview tomorrow). He even admitted I did not deserve what I've gotten, and he has not been a good husband (of course, he was bawling a the time-I really let him have it. All the pain over the last 10 months came vomiting out of me, like lava from a volcano.)

I no longer have any expections of being married to him any longer than absolutely necessary. But in the meantime, he knows now that if that spawn of his had better not show her snotty face around here.

Guys and gals-it feels so good (not happy good, but releived, empowered good). To let it out-to give back what I have been given over these long, torturous months.