Are there any members here who have their own kids and decided to leave?
I have two children and married a man that has three children 3 years ago. Of our 5 combined children, three are doing great but he and I don't see eye-to-eye on the other two.
In my opinion, his oldest daughter is not a nice person and he lets her get away with way too much bullshit. In his opinion, my youngest is the problem.
Because of all of the fights, drama, and lies, I can honestly say I don't love this man anymore. If it weren't for my kids, I would have left within the first 6 months.
I do see a therapist regularly and I had basically decided that my goal was to hang in there until my youngest graduates high school in 7 years. I know that sounds ridiculous, but honestly the rest of my life is really good (great friends, great family, great job) that I thought I could do it. I figured, I got myself into this mess and now I have to live with my consequences and make the best of the situation.
These kids have already been through one divorce and I really, really don't want to put them through another.
However, after nights like last night I'm not so sure I can make it. My husband seems to ride my son for every little thing and yet defend his daughter over equally bad behavior. We are a house divided and I'm not sure that's so great for the kids either??
Anyways, I was wondering if anyone on here was in a similar situation (where they have bios AND steps and decided to divorce). How did your kids feel about it? Did they have to change schools? My kids already changed schools when we moved in together 3 years ago, so I don't really want to uproot them again, but wouldn't that be awkward if they had to still go to school with their ex-step-siblings? They are all in the same school and very close in age.
I would love to hear from those with experience in this.
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^^ Indeed ^^
I tried to stay in my first
I tried to stay in my first marriage for the sake of the Kids...One Bio and one step. It got to the point I was losing my mind and physically ill. I decided it was best for the kids to have one sane parent (me) and someone who is healthy and able to properly care for then rather than a WHOLE family. The fighting and mental/verbal abuse was not something I wanted either of the kids to live in anylonger so I got out. I think it was the best thing ever for my BS and altough it was tough on my SD, she made it through as well. She was much older and nearly out of school so she could do her own thing.
Don't ever stay for the kids in a situation where the kid is being mistreated. No child would chose that over a stable home.
I just split with mine. My
I just split with mine.
My kids are adults their reaction was "Thank GOD!" (interestingly enough, my oldest skid who lives with my kids said the same thing.)
My oldest step son (the one I threw out of the house) cheered, apparently he will be moving back in with disney dad.
Younger step daughter was not upset at all. Wait until she figures out that all the money was mine... not her daddies. No biggie, she can get her new 'boyfriend' to just buy her some more cheap booze to wash away/ drown her disappointment.
Youngest step son wanted to stay with me.
I know how you feel. About
I know how you feel. About staying because you dont want your kids to go through another divorce. When things were bad with DH and I, when we first got married, I thought the same thing. Thankfully for us things got better. But I do not agree with staying, just for the kids. Especially when there is a lot of hurt, anger and resentment. I think it's worse for the kids, then a divorce.
I too have had issues with the his kid, my kid. What's good for his kid, isnt good for my kid shit. That was enough to tear us apart.
We still have those issues but not even close enough to be a huge, huge problem, but enough that at times I really dislike him.
Counseling to see if that helps. And if it doesn't then it's okay to move on. You know you tried.
Life is way too short to be unhappy. You may think, I can survive 7 years. But not trying to be sad or dark but what if those were your last 7 years on Earth and you spent them unhappy?
If he's riding your kid for
If he's riding your kid for "every little thing" and he acts like everything is your child's fault then the child would be better off if you divorced him from the sound of it.
^^^THIS^^^
^^^THIS^^^
How about having the kids
How about having the kids live with their father full time?
Making your son grow up in a home with a man who treats him that way is just wrong.
Living with their dad is not
Living with their dad is not an option. A) he wouldn't want them full time and b) they would have to move up another town. Again, I was trying to avoid uprooting them. Plus I love them! We are a package deal
Why would you want to imprint
Why would you want to imprint your kids to grow up and choose relationships that mirror the one you are in now? because that is what you are doing- you are teaching them that this shit you call a home is what love is supposed to look like.
My boys are 11 and 12. My
My boys are 11 and 12. My youngest is not wild about his step dad but I don't bad mouth my husband yo my son. As much as possible, I try to present a unified front when reasonable. I know that my son is not perfect... He's human! But my problem is with the discrepancy in treatment. I leave his children's discipline to him and would appreciate the same courtesy. But no matter how many times I ask, he feels the need to step in. Even when his own daughter is every bit as challenging.
You staying shows all the
You staying shows all the kids involved that that kind of relationship is acceptable when in reality it's unacceptable.
I agree with everyone here. I
I agree with everyone here. I am preparing to leave with my two. Do not stay b/c of kids. Leave for all kids' sake...and your sanity. My kids will be most affected, my son especially as he is very sensitive. Her oldest son will be okay eventually now that he can be with his mom doing all the fun things they used to do (sarcasm) including getting all kinds of useless crap that he plays with for a day and then discards or breaks...ugh. You can probably tell I have a thing with her son. Anyway, in a month or so, we go our separate ways. I will be happier and my kids will get a sane me...
Well I guess great minds
Well I guess great minds think alike.... He suggested divorce tonight. Not even three years. Ughhhhh may barf