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Ha ha, classic!!!!

boogeymom's picture

Submitted by boogeymom on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 12:01am

Oh my God, so lock up the Wolves, I now have a teenager under my roof. Welcome to hell, biiiiiiiitch! So for SS(now)13's stupid b-day dinner, he wanted to go to Joe's Crab Shack (p.s., DH is lucky I even agreed to go with, because the sight/smell/watching people eat seafood makes me physically sick). SS13 is NOTORIOUS for ordering a bunch of food, then eating maybe half of it if we're lucky, and then says he's too full. If anyone has ever been to this place, they know how huge those crab pots can be, so I was pessimistic. Anyways, I said to DH, "I'll lay wager right now that they both don't finish all that food. What's say $20?" He took me up on it since usually his semen demons plow through seafood, so he thought he had the edge. I just didn't want any food to go to waste, and I was hoping that they'd want to prove me wrong, which is why I laid a bet out. Actually, by "they," I mean SS13 only because SS11 eats like an entire pack of ravenous hyenas setting upon a zebra carcass, then asks if you're done with YOUR food AS he's already elbow-deep in it before you can even answer him. I only said "both" because I didn't want to single out SS13. You think I'm joking, but I can assure you, I'm not. My nickname for SS11 inside my head is the Garbage Pail Kid.

So, the skids were like, "We get $20 if we eat all the food?" I was like, "Nope, this is between the adults." I said this probably about 5 or 6 times, and I emphasized that ALL the food had to be gone, not just the crab to DH, who agreed. Just the adults. Emphasized. So, when the crab pots came, SS13 is already opting out of eating the corn before he even starts eating because he "doesn't like corn." Obviously, he wants DH to win, but already knows that he's not going to eat all his food, in spite of the fact that he swore up and down he would, just like always. PS, I've seen him eat corn numerous times before. I was like, "I win! He's already opting out! $20 is mine, baby, yeah!" SS13 says, "Wait, $20 from MY bank account?" As a joke, and because he CLEARLY hadn't been listening when I said adults only, I said, "Yuuuuuup!" Ha ha! Holy shnikies, I really sparked it off then! This kid literally (and once again, I can assure you that I'm not joking) TORE off his bib while screaming, "This is the worst birthday EVER!" and ran crying to the bathroom! Ahhh ha ha ha ha ha! The best part was when he tried to get the bib off over his head, it got stuck and his face was all pulled back and contorted. It took every fiber of my being to not just start cracking up. I turned to a VERY confused DH and said, "Welcome to teenaged hell, expect this all the time now." I can't help it, as much as I hate teenagers, I just realized tonight how frigging hilarious it could be to just torture the hell out of this kid until he turns 18. Let the games begin (yes yes, I'm a bitch, but I already know it, giving step-moms a bad name everywhere).

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LRP75's picture

Submitted by LRP75 on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 9:00am

^ HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAA ^

}:) }:) }:) }:) }:) }:) }:) }:) }:) }:) }:) }:) }:) }:) }:) }:) }:) }:) }:)

boogeymom's picture

Submitted by boogeymom on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 10:49am

Crap, I wish I would've thought of that, because SS11 would've had that crab torn up WAY before SS13 got back from crying in the bathroom. I think that would've been so funny because it almost certainly would've resulted in another, much larger meltdown. Like the kind when strangers start staring. Dammit.

stepsonhatesme's picture

Submitted by stepsonhatesme on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 2:28am

LMAO!! I can just imagine his face, I just wish we could actually see a picture!
I too torture ANY teenagers in my mist. and you are right......"Welcome to teenaged hell, expect this all the time now."
it has and IS happening with my own BK!

smdh's picture

Submitted by smdh on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 7:47am

And, sadly, the same as a lot of middle-aged bms who think that the fact they had a child entitles them to also behave like a toddler / teenager.

SD8 does the same thing with food. Insists she order something we all know she won't eat, take a few bites, which take an hour for her to chew, and then sits there pretending she is cold or tired or doesn't feel good so she doesn't have to eat it. That is why we NEVER take her out to eat unless we have to (like on vacation). I told dh that she will start paying for her waste out of her money if she continues.

boogeymom's picture

Submitted by boogeymom on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 10:47am

You took the words right out of my mouth. Unfortunately for me, I work with preschoolers and toddlers, and now have to deal with the bigger version at home. Looks like it's time to get a new career.

boogeymom's picture

Submitted by boogeymom on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 11:01am

OMG that just made me laugh SO hard. Can I just say for the record that teenagers are literally the #1 reason I'm opting out of having kids of my own? I'm not exaggerating, the #1 reason. At least with the skids, they're only around maybe 40% of the time, so I don't have to live with it constantly. I'm pretty sure I'll need to go to the nearest church and get a canteen of holy water to throw in his face at any given time. Maybe I should hire an old priest and a young priest to follow us around whenever the teenager is in the house.