Step dad vs bio dad
So it's the ONLY time we can celebrate my husband's birthday with both his kids & my kids. Bio mom asked for kids to come home early. My DH said ok without us discussing it (which is our agreement bc it effects our home & time) but... He did it anyways. I had surprise plans set up for us to celebrate his birthday. I ended up telling him that's why I was so upset. I get really frustrated since my stroke (1/16) even before I would have been pissed if he would have not discussed things with me first anyways... because for 14 months that's been our agreement to help things run smoother.
So he texted bio mom to tell her there were plans he wasn't aware of, so he was not going to be able to have the kids back early. She said it was their step dad's birthday. He texted back that we actually have plans for his birthday. She doesn't respond to that, instead she texts that they are having a big party & it's over at a specific time & she doesn't want them to feel left out, so he needs to have them at the party by 7. Because the party is over at 8. Their custody order says HE has them til 8! So if she didn't want them excluded WHY DID SHE PLAN A PARTY & HAVE THE ENDING TIME BE AT THE EXACT TIME THEY ARE BROUGHT HOME?! Does that make sense at all?!
So we had a big talk last night. I said... The choices are 1. Ask the kids what they want to do. Go to step dad's bday or dad's bday? (Which I'm not in favor of bc I don't think it's right to put kids in the middle of those types of choices, especially when bio mom has history of parent alienation & kids will have repercussions for choosing dad) 2. Follow order, explain you didn't know about the plans, now you do, apologize. 3. Take them home early, which I think is putting step dad above yourself, the bio parent.
There is no way in HELL she will allow us to have the kids 6 hours early to celebrate my birthday. So they don't feel left out. And I totally get that. But I wouldn't plan a party when we didn't have them, if I wanted them there. Durrr.
Am I wrong?
*the "party" is for a step dad who is 17 years older than their mom. at a moose lodge. nothing "fun" for kids. definitely nothing they would feel left out of.
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Comments
That's what I'm saying! And
That's what I'm saying! And it's not my DH actual bday. But. Bio mom planned the party during her NON CUSTODIAL time. If she wanted them included she should have thought about that!!! Duh.
She totally did that on
She totally did that on purpose. We have a C you next Tuesday ourselves who was always pulling crap like that. I just flat out refused any requests. It's too bad that your husband said yes before checking with you, but he's already told her now that there are plans he didn't know about so just leave it alone and don't take the kids back early. You are correct, it is wrong to put the kids in the middle of this. And I assure you that you and your husband are not putting the kids in the middle of anything, she knew perfectly well when she planned that party for her husband what time she was going to get the children.
The guy is a step dad. It's
The guy is a step dad. It's possible he refused to schedule his party around his stepkids. Honestly, how many of us SMs would plan their parties for a time that best fit our SKs' schedules?
That's an interesting
That's an interesting perspective. It honestly would never occur to me that the MAN would plan a party for himself LOL
True - and if that's the
True - and if that's the case, then why is BM making a big whoop now about it? And even if BM didn't know about the party being at a time her kids were not in her custody until just now, it would then be clear the step-dad doesn't care if they are there (or maybe is glad they're not) so I think sticking to the CO is the smart play here.
We had to do our Christmas 2
We had to do our Christmas 2 weeks early. & with extended family the 2nd week of January. It is life.