BM's "Visit" with SS Yesterday

BM picked SS up from school at 2. He had to be at a bday party at 4. So she had 2 hours with him. Usually she will take him for an ice cream at McDonalds, then go back to the house she is basically squatting in and hang out there until 3:30 and then head back this way and drop SS off at my office by 4. I had a feeling yesterday. So, I checked in on SS's phone. SS's phone was at a motel, on the WORST street in her town. You know, the kind of motel where the prostitute and drug dealers are. I panicked. I screenshot the location and sent it to DH. DH called SS immediately. SS answered, told DH that he was sitting in his moms car but they were headed to her house in just a minute. DH told him, if you haven't left where you are at in 3 minutes I am coming to get you. SS was confused, but trusts his dad and just said "ok". BM wasn't in the car with him at that moment, and I don't think SS mentioned the call to her because she would have flipped out on DH for checking in on her. A minute or two later I could see that they were leaving the motel. They went back to BM's house for an hour and then she took him to his bday party.

When SS got home from the party, DH took him to the lumber store with him. We are rebuilding our patio cover. Usually I would go with him, but I wanted DH to have a talk with SS. So, DH tells SS that his mom is not in a good place right now, and she isn't making safe decisions right now. He told him that he doesn't want him hanging out with her like that right now until she can get herself together. SS said he still wants to see her, and seemed kind of mad at DH. So, DH explained to SS about the motel that she took him to. He told him that is where people go to buy drugs, and that is where prostitute take their clients. Then he had to explain what a prostitute is. SS was in shock. He wanted to know what his mom would have been doing there. He said that she told him her friend from out of town was staying there. DH gave him the "Really Son, you believe that?" look... DH told him that his mom can come to his games and possibly hang out with him if he is with his grandpa but the visits with just the two of them have to stop for now. He told me that he thought SS was mad at him now. BUT, 10 minutes later he was back to his normal goofy self and was cuddled up on the couch with DH so I think he got over it quickly.

DH text BM last night and told her that he needs to talk to her today.

My sister is FB friends with meth man. So she started doing a little recon work for us in the mean time. Sure enough, there is a picture of meth man, BM and some random tweaker lookin' chick sitting on a motel bed at 3 pm yesterday. Ugh... SS was there WITH a known meth addict. The thought of what COULD have happened, makes me sick.

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What in the f@%^ is her

What in the f@%^ is her problem, taking him to a motel like that and leaving him in the car while she goes in to get high? She has seriously crossed a line. She has crossed THE line.

It's heartbreaking.

Okay NOW will your DH go to

Okay NOW will your DH go to court? There is no telling what that boy has witnessed.

If he doesn't formalize things NOW then he is just a lazy jerk parent

It's like your DH is waiting for something bad to happen.....oy vey!!!

I wish I could say yes. I

I wish I could say yes. I just don't know.

Ugh - I think I am flying out

Ugh - I think I am flying out there to kick his ass my verahownself!!!

I think he hopes BM will

I think he hopes BM will disappear on her own and his son will be okay until then, it's classic denial/avoidance.

I think he is trying to avoid a big court hassle and maybe thinks that if he were to go to court, BM will straighten up for awhile, enough so the courts will give her another chance and then the cycle will start all over again, dragging out the inevitable.

This is exactly correct. He

This is exactly correct.

He is afraid of dragging SS through a court battle just for the effed up system out here to tell us that SS is not in any danger and BM is "fine". She dodged DCFS for a week to get herself a clean drug test. She will work the system just like she always has. And the only thing that will end up happening is SS will be stuck in the middle of a REALLY ugly pointless battle.

That's not true... my niece

That's not true... my niece and nephew were ordered by the judge to appear. They were 10 and 12 at the time. He literally called recess while I had to go get them out of school. He took each one in to his chambers separately and questioned them. Our court system is jacked up.

Okay, so they talked to the

Okay, so they talked to the Judge. That is hardly being dragged through a custody battle or put in the middle.

At those ages, and at your SS's age, too, it's a good thing that a Judge can speak to a kid privately. Sometimes they have a lot to say and the Judge doesn't want it said in open court.

perhaps, but as things stand

perhaps, but as things stand now, she can take off with him and there would be NOTHING DH could do.

He shouldn't be afraid of a court battle, he SHOULD be afraid that she will harm her son.

I know he SHOULDN'T be, but

I know he SHOULDN'T be, but he is. This is a very "PRO MOM" court. We have seen some crazy stuff happen around here. Shoot, even her getting by with DCFS investigations is disgusting. The circumstances with my niece and nephew were more of a PAS nature. Stepmom was physically punishing my niece (slapped her across the face and pushed her down stairs).

My niece is now 22 and has a newborn baby. She and I talked about that situation. She told me it was the worst thing she ever went through. Not only the way her SM was treating her, but the court battle between her parents was never left at the court house. Her dad was always bringing it up and putting them in the middle.

I'm more concerned about the crap BM will put him through during a court battle than anything else.

Oh I have TONS of screenshots

Oh I have TONS of screenshots to use. And texts, text from other parents. Voicemails from her dad and her stepmom. I keep EVERYTHING!

I've been thinking about you

I've been thinking about you a lot lately. There is a missing pregnant woman in my town presumed dead that they are searching for her body right now. http://www.gainesville.com/article/20160216/ARTICLES/160219740?tc=cr She had a little boy and a husband and a terrible drug problem and was last seen at a drug hotel . The suspect is currently in jail on other charges but its really sad. I took a peak at her hubby's facebook posts for the past year. Oh so sad. Him posting about her overdosing and being in the hospital. Him posting about her not coming to see their son. Photos of her cuddling with her son. and the hubby posting a picture of a new sonogram photo in November and then at Christmas about how she was showing up with money and had no job and that she had been prostituting . Her husband called the police because she was involved in some kinda of altercation with some new guy. New guy is the one police think killed her. Just a years worth of her leaving for drugs and coming back and leaving for drugs and ripping her family apart and leaving and now .... no one has seen her since Jan 19th since her stay in druggie hotel.

Those are the things that

Those are the things that keep me up at night.

Imagine if she has SS with

Imagine if she has SS with her at meth hotel and then this happens?

These are the things that should make your husband stay up at night and get his head out of his butt

I am so sad for your SS.

We are getting there WOB. I

We are getting there WOB. I know most of us would have taken action a long time ago, but yesterdays events have really opened his eyes. Give him a chance to do the right thing before you persecute him.

I hope you're right, I really

I hope you're right, I really do.

And, pointing out facts and my opinions does not constitute persecution...you and I both know this has been going on way too long and that SS and DH are not legally protected from her right now.

Drug addicts are notoriously unreliable and reactionary. DH needs to make sure he keeps that crap away from SS.

I understand. And I know you

I understand. And I know you are concerned about SS. Trust me, so am I. DH has been in deep denial about the severity of her behavior. I can't force him to do anything, but I am trying as hard as I can.

It's so frustrating, isn't

It's so frustrating, isn't it?

We know what's best for kids that don't even belong to us and their own parents just prefer to keep their heads in the sand.

It's maddening, BS, it really is.

In my house, pulling the old "you're not getting any of this until you do that" card would be played. Repeatedly - lol!!

Would her father and SM be

Would her father and SM be willing to testify on behalf of protecting their grandson. When my cousin obtained custody of his two young children his ex's two sisters (parents died young) testified that their sister was cooking meth with her boyfriend in a house with the kids there.

Fortunately his ex did eventually shape up and now is a decent person and does have a relationship with her now grown children. But she was a decent person before she hopped on the meth train after losing both of her parents within about 5 months while a young mother with 2 little kids.

Yes, I think they would. That

Yes, I think they would. That is the conversation DH and I had this morning. He is leaning towards telling BM that she is only allowed to spend time with him if her dad is with them. If she doesn't like it, she can file an emergency hearing and we can handle it in court.

CO says custody is split

CO says custody is split 50/50 physical and joint. She hasn't exercised her portion of parenting time in 4 months. He hasn't stayed over night with her since November, and even then, it was not the full 50%. She can file contempt of court if she wants to. We are prepared. We are prepared to inform the judge that she is putting him in danger and request drug testing. Thing is, she knows she will not win in court so she won't push it this far. She will take what she can get without having to go to court.

I say give her enough rope to

I say give her enough rope to hang herself. She can see SS at her parents house when they are there to supervise. Let her go to court let her file motions, besides her taking off with him, which I don't think she would she can't take are of him, you don't want to see your SS on an episode of cops or in the 5 o'clock news. I mean so many things can happen to him, just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm not going to bash your DH but what is he thinking!?!? Addicts do NOT have rational thoughts, they think of only themselves. Honestly telling her she can only see him at her parents with them present might just be a too much of an inconvenience for her and maybe she will just crawl under a rock and never be heard from again. She seems to be halfway there already! Please don't let that boy go with her again.

My DH is thinking that his

My DH is thinking that his son just loves his mom. And he has given her every opportunity possible to make changes. But it's gone too far.

He has to stop living in a

He has to stop living in a fairy tale this isn't Disney! Maybe you need to scare the shit out of your DH and give him some REAL examples of what could potentially happen to your SS when his BM puts him in this situations. Drive by shooting, kidnapping if she owes a dealer money, sex trafficking, her getting busted and CPS wanting to know why HE didn't do something sooner and find him not fit to care for his son. Seriously put the fear of god into him. He need you to light the fire under his ass. Even if he starts small and demands no visits without her father. Like I said that might be enough to make her go away.

I like this option Go ahead

I like this option

Go ahead and let her file something - which we all know won't happen.

It's always helpful when a BM's own father or parents side against their child

What the hell is that BM

What the hell is that BM thinking? Oh yeah - she isn't.

If the thought hasn't occurred to SS already, I hope it does soon: When mom spends so little time with me the way it is, why would she choose to go visit a friend while I am with her?

Meth is a horrible, horrible thing. I have a cousin who is an addict. She has four children by 3 fathers. Custody of NONE.

SS is very aware that his

SS is very aware that his mother chooses her friends before him. She sent him to live with us because (this is what she told him) it's too crowded at her house. This is because she let her friend, her friends girlfriend, her son and her brother move in. She lives in a 2 bedroom 500 sq ft duplex. The way SS sees it, she would rather make sure her friends are taken care of, than bother being a mom. He's not stupid. He sees it. It pisses him off when she spends what LITTLE time they have together with meth man. He hates that guy. He has told me that several times.

I think it will be so much easier than he thinks.