Need Help composing a text response to BM's mom

So, BM's mom has kept in touch with me since BM went MIA in SS's life. We let her see SS when she wants to but it's gotten to the point that I need to put my foot down with her. She always wants to see him on Wednesdays, because she has "bible study" up the street from our house. She has picked him up maybe 3 times in the last year on a Wednesday and taken him up the street to McDonalds for an ice cream, always has him home within an hour or so. Which is about as much time as SS cares to spend with her. She can be a little overwhelming, ever for me.

Here is the issue... she "makes plans" to see him ALMOST every Wednesday, but then the day before, or early each Wednesday, there is always an excuse why she can't make it (apple doesn't fall far). Well, the last time, she didn't even give an excuse, she just didn't show up. Usually it's because she is "sick". I don't know what is wrong with her, she is SUPER skinny... but I don't want to be coldhearted about it, maybe something really is wrong with her.

I don't want to deny her seeing her grandson, I don't think that is right being that BM is completely out of the picture and if she doesn't see him through us, he won't get to see his grandma at all... BUT, he's had enough flakiness in his life with his own mom, he doesn't need if from her too. When she didn't show up last time, he wasn't upset about it, he just said that it didn't surprise him.

So, she text last night about seeing him this Wednesday. So, how do I respond to her and let her know that she can see him but she CAN'T flake out on him...? I mean, it's her grandson and I'm "just the stepmom"... I don't want to be condescending but I need to put my foot down.

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Please understand SS's need

Please understand SS's need for consistency in his life given his situation. Please don't make plans unless you are able to keep them so he doesn't get disappointed.

Or: stop acting like your daughter. Don't make plans and then no show on SS.

I REALLY do want to point out

I REALLY do want to point out that she is acting JUST LIKE HER DAUGHTER. But I don't want to be an ass about it at the same time.

I know. I was being

I know. I was being sarcastic. I like advice only's response.

I like Robin's first

I like Robin's first response. It politely alludes to the similarities between her behavior and what BM has put him through. Whether she will get that or not, I don't know.

And you are more than "just the stepmom".

I don't mind coordinating

I don't mind coordinating with her. She is always very nice and respectful. I just don't know how to approach it.

I like these ideas...

Hi GBM, Are you ok? It seems

Hi GBM, Are you ok? It seems that you are sick fairly frequently. Is there anything that we can do differently to help you spend some time with ss? You have cancelled on your plans a lot over the last year and I was wondering if it is something we are doing? If you want to see ss, all we really need to x hours notice and we will happily have him ready for you. But we really feel that being cancelled on so frequently by you is not good for him (especially as this is somthing BM does s lot too). If you do make plans to see ss with us can you please try as hard as possible follow through with them so that you are an adult he can rely on in his life. Obviously if there is something going on that we don't know about them we would be happy to work with you to find a solution. How likely are you to take ss this week?

He does want to see her, but

He does want to see her, but only for short periods of time. We always ask him first. And will continue to do so.

She's not older. I think she

She's not older. I think she turned 60 2 weeks ago. Maybe 59. She had BM pretty young. I know in the past BM told me she had COPD. She is a heavy smoker. She doesn't LOOK healthy. That's why I wanted to be considerate, but I also wanted to make it clear that she needs to follow through and not just NOT SHOW UP.

OK here is what I have come

OK here is what I have come up with:

Good Morning GBM, DH and I were speaking about your visits with SS last night. We love that you want to maintain a relationship with him, and we understand that your health issues don't always cooperate with your plans. But we also need you to understand the importance of consistency in SS's life. BM flaked on him so much over the past few years, among other things, that has caused him to loose all trust in her. We don't want that to happen with the two of you.

So, lets do this. SS doesn't have set plans on Wednesdays after school, and we will keep it that way for now. But I will not be asking him about a visit with you until we are sure it is a FOR SURE THING. That was he won't get disappointed if something happens and you can't make it. So, just text me Tuesday nights and let me know if you will be up for it, and we will take it from there.

She responded that she understands and agrees completely. She also said that DH and I are wonderful parents and she appreciates us. And to please forgive her "inconsistencies".

That worked