Oh the HATE is so deep...
BM text SS and told him if he didn't call her and see her tomorrow that she will not give the written consent we need to take him out of state. Nice... way to blackmail your kid.
He called me in tears. He had no idea this was going on. I rushed home from work. Told him THE TRUTH and he called her. I gave him privacy, but could hear him "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT???". She literally BLACKMAILED him in to talking to her. He was telling her "they didn't tell me not to talk to you, I don't WANT to talk to you".
I could spit nails right now. SS is SOOOOOOO upset. So angry.
He asked "do I ever have to see her again". I said yes, probably. There will come a day when you will want to make sure she is ok. There will come a time when you are old enough to be able to handle spending time with her even if she's not "in her right mind" and we won't have the right to protect you from it anymore. You will WANT to speak to her. But we are not going to force you in to a relationship with anyone. Never.
He said "I'm so mad at her right now". Yes, I am sure you are. And that's ok. We can talk about what we are going to do next when dad and I are home from work.
I broke my silence and text BM "Nice job, blackmailing your son in to speaking with you". Yeah, I probably shouldn't have. But, a few minutes later a letter of consent to take SS out of state came through DH's email.
You just destroyed your kid BM, well done.
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Comments
OMFG!!!! If I was you it
OMFG!!!! If I was you it would take every ounce of self control to not hunt her down and beat her within inches of her life! Tell him to save that text. The judge is going to love that one!
My kids' father is a meth
My kids' father is a meth user. More than once he has called Child Welfare and told them that I was prostituting and selling drugs. Needless to say, the cases were closed before they even started. I ask him why he would do that and he said, "Because if I can't have them then you can't. I would rather them be raped in foster care than be with you." Honey, there is no playing fair or playing nice with a meth user. Especially if they're on the needle (which it sounds like she is). He attempted to kill me while our children watched. Please do whatever you have to do to remove her from his life until he is 18. I never in a million years would have thought that any parent would put their kids through what my kids went through but I was wrong. Meth turns parents in to monsters. Do not for even one flippin' second underestimate a meth addict.
Oh my goodness. My anxiety
Oh my goodness.
My anxiety is through the roof right now. Blood pressure has got to be sky high.
I can't handle this.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. You're a good person and you and your family do not deserve what is happening. I just don't want you to be caught off guard like I was. It forever changed me once I realized that ordinary people could be capable of this kind of evil. I was so naive and if I can save anyone from the experiencing the pain I went through, I will.
Yep. Somehow a pipe ended up
Yep. Somehow a pipe ended up wrapped in a swim cap (no clue why a swim cap) and in the door of my car one day. It was promptly smashed. I've never heard it put that way, "hate the ex more than they love the children."
It's the God's honest truth.
well That right there is why
well That right there is why your husband needs to go to court to get full and sole physical and legal custody. She's lost her dang mind. She's putting her own needs before his. Meth addicts can't be any kind of effective parent.
Hugs to you and your SS. I hope you guys have a wonderful time in New York. I'm mean really, she's homeless living in a tent and can't even provide water for her dogs but she's going to pull the "I won't sign the consent form" card ?!?!
You say that like it's a bad
You say that like it's a bad thing, or at least that's how I am interpreting it.
He's old enough to know the truth and for his own safety it's better they were honest with him.
She told him the truth about
She told him the truth about the blackmail. The kid already knows she is on drugs.
He knows. He figured it out
He knows. He figured it out on his own and told me a few weeks ago that he is "not stupid" and he knows what she is up to.
I agree with this. He's old
I agree with this. He's old enough for them to have a talk about this. Otherwise he will be thinking 100 different things of what is really going on.
We asked yesterday what he
We asked yesterday what he thought she was doing. He hit the nail on the head.
I told him the truth about
I told him the truth about why he HAD to call her. Because she won't sign the consent to take him out of state if he didnt.
(No subject)
If they haven't they should.
If they haven't they should. And they should do it regularly.
"I am sorry kid, that is the CRACK HEAD in your mother talking. Don't let her repeated choice to use CRACK get to you." Lather, rinse, repeat.
I would be as mad as you are
I would be as mad as you are - take a deep breath. Take several - it is a cliche but it works. You can handle this - you are handling this. You told SS what he needed to hear. You made him feel ok about his feelings towards her. When she did the most despicable thing he turned to you and you were there for him.
You now have the letter, so you are doing everything by the book. It is all going to be ok once you leave on the trip. I would still keep him under close watch until you leave.
I know you are tired of hearing it, but your DH needs to go for full legal and physical custody. No visitation, no nothing until she has been clean for a good long while.
I continue to admire you. SS is so lucky to have you in his life.
Thank you. We are. The
Thank you. We are. The hearing was schedule for first week in August, we are going to the courthouse on the 1st to see if we can move it up even just a few days. I don't trust her.
It seems like she is taking
It seems like she is taking more of an interest in SS, which is not a good thing in her current condition. Hope you can get the date moved up.
Notsure, she is being a pain
Notsure, she is being a pain in the ass is what she is doing. She will go away again, she always does.
She is proving she is a pure
She is proving she is a pure true-blue Golden Uterus type with stooping so low as to blackmailing her son into talking to her. I am glad he is old enough and has been guided by you two enough to tell her how he really feels and that it was HE who ignored her and didn't want to talk or see her any longer. Her hearing it from him means she can't blame it on you or your DH. She's just lashing out and from the sounds of her reactions she is either coming off of a high or she got a bad batch that's making her paranoid and crazy. I just can't get over her pulling him into this and upsetting him right before his trip. Good for you for telling him the truth about the future and having to deal with her later on. Hopefully he understands that sticking up for himself is going to be a big part of his relationship with her when/if she sobers up and gets better.
"There will come a day when
"There will come a day when you will want to make sure she is ok."
Maybe not. Many adults just want toxic addicts out of their life totally. Please don't ever let him feel like he has to look out after her when he is grown. That will be his choice to make then, and he should not be made to feel guilty whatever his choice is.
This is so true. He needs to
This is so true. He needs to know that it is not his responsibility to care for an adult woman. That she makes her own choices.
Yes, there may come a time in his life when he wants to pursue a relationship with her, but he should do that on his own terms and when he is an adult and she has been clean for a long time.
I don't think BS made the boy feel like He was going to want to have a relationship with her someday or that he would need to take care of her in the future.
What a horrible situation. I do wonder, though, what an honest talk, where the words "your mother is a meth addict" actually come out and how that might help him. He was going to want to have a relationship with her someday or that he would need to take care of her in the future.
If only those other parents were not already there posting pictures on Facebook, she would never have known. What a pity she had to find out.
This whole situation hits very close to home for me. Medusa is not a drug attic's, but she is a sorry excuse for a mother and my husband refuses to have honest conversations with his children about her and her actions. On the few occasions that I have talk to the kids about it, I have always made them aware that she made her choices, good and bad, and I'll choices come with consequences, good and bad.
In the end, all we can do with these children that we have to raise but are not our own is cross our fingers and hope for the best
sorry for the typos - I was
sorry for the typos - I was multi tasking last night while I was reading and responding. And, by multi tasking, I mean drinking wine, sitting on the deck, hanging with my kitty and dictating to Siri
This is definaltely the case
This is definaltely the case with my SKid (SS-23 now adopted by me). He has pretty much purged the shallow and polluted sperm clan end of his gene pool from his life. He has struggled with his SpermIdiot's waste of skin approach to life and with the toxic toothless moron manipulations of SpermGrandHag since his early to mid teens.
Probably the final straw was the SpermIdiot taking all four of his out-of-wedlock spawn by three different baby mamas on a family outing/day hike in the woods only to be smoking pot the whole time and expounding on how he wants his children to be good people, at one with nature, all while litterally stroking and hugging trees. My kid herded the three younger spawn into the car and left the SpermIdiot in the woods.
None of the kids told anyone about leaving the SpermIdiot in the woods and it took many hours for the idiot so show back up at the house.
This happened a few year ago.
He has since not only written off the SpermIdiot but for the most part all three of his younger half sibs. #2 is not dating the local drug dealer and claiming to be going to college, #3 is late HS age and has several weapons violations arrests, and #4 is following in #3's footsteps.
A couple of years after this incident he asked me to adopt him and to have a new birthcertificate issued with me named as his father. We made that happen.
How awful a thing to do. How
How awful a thing to do. How you did not hunt her down and punch her lights out is beyond me
These are the things that
These are the things that make us pray for very focused natural disasters that wipe out the shallow and polluted end of our Skid's gene pool.
My favorite fantasy has regularly been for a meteor strike on a SpermClan family reunion that my own son was not at. Either that or a SpermCLan family day cruise/off shore fishing trip that ends up being a remake of the movie Jaws though with no survivors. I think a good dose of torment and suffering would be preferred to instant cosmic vaporization. Delivering some karmic suffering prior to a gruesome demise has some appeal when I consider an appropriate end for the SpermClan. }:)
Purging that toothless moron group from existence would be a great thing for my Skid. Sadly they remain in the human gene pool to reek more havoc on future generations.