OT** BULLYING**I just need to get this out before I go to my DD's school and cause a scene

My EXH just informed me that my DD13 (who has been battling depression recently) told him Sunday that a boy at school told her to kill herself.

I am UNGLUED right now. She is such a sweet girl, and I couldn't understand what has been going on with her lately. Her self esteem is at an all time low. She sleeps all of the time, she is moody and sad.

My heart is breaking. I will be going to the school to talk to the administrators, but I want to talk to DD first.

I am a total wreck right now. I need to calm down before I go in to her school.

I'm also baffled that my Ex didn't tell me about this immediately. But that is a whole other topic.

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I'm so sorry your daughter

I'm so sorry your daughter was subjected to that. I hope that the school is responsive.

I know it's hard but you

I know it's hard but you definitely need to see if you can get all the facts and perspectives on this.

It is so hard to deal with things like this because sometimes interference actually can exacerbate the situation and make kids even more of a target.

Has your daughter had a history of being teased etc??? Sometimes helping the child learn how to deal with situations and ways that they can become less targeted can be worthwhile. I am NOT blaming the victim... or saying the bully should not have consequences, but I know growing up that some of the kids that were bullied or picked on more did things that made them "easier targets" for those that did things like that.

Does the school even know

Does the school even know this happened? Going to school ahead of knowing the facts doesn't seem like the best idea. Won't she be home soon so you can talk to her directly and then you can start your hit list after you know the full situation.

Wait til she gets home and

Wait til she gets home and get her version of events. Then, make an appointment with the school and go have a face to face.

Like steppedinwhat said, facts first and THEN your hit list...

What are you guys doing about

What are you guys doing about the depression? Weekly talk therapy, medication? Don't go to the school before talking to your DD directly.

Of course I am going to talk

Of course I am going to talk to her first. That's why I said I will be going to the admins, but I want to talk to DD first. I need the whole story, not the bits and pieces that ExH gave me. I don't have all of the facts.

What I do know about DD is that this year, her grades have slipped. She got in trouble for "putting her hands on another child" still never got the full story there. And I just could tell that something is off. I have made an appointment for her to see someone but it isn't until next week. I will be trying to see if I can move this up. I set the appt. before I know this happened.

I don't know if the school is aware. The story I got was that she was up in front of the class when he said this, so the teacher NOT hearing it, well... I don't know. I don't want to assume anything. I want facts. She will be home from school in 45 minutes, but I am at work. I want to sit down and talk to her, not over the phone. I want to hold her and tell her that I will fix all of this... I just wish I knew how to do that.

People suck. Kids suck even worse.

but you know that you can't

but you know that you can't fix it for her. If the only info you have right now is coming from your XH, then take a breath and find a quiet place to talk to her tonight. Keep in mind that there will be her version, the bully's version, possibly even the teacher's version and then the truth. You may or may not get all the facts from your DD, too, so be aware of that, too

It sounds like you are being as proactive as you can about this, and that's great. I am curious about how/why you didn't get the whole story about her putting her hands on another kid. Was it the same kid? A different kid? Boy? Girl? Any discipline?

Sounds like something is definitely going on and that you are working a good plan. Keep us in the loop.

Well, I got "her story, the

Well, I got "her story, the schools story and the kids story". All 3 different stories. So I didn't get the REAL story, I'm sure. Different kid, a boy, she was given detention and wasn't allowed to go on the merit trip. Usually there is zero tolerance for a hands off violation, but the principal told me that he was lenient with her because she has NEVER been in trouble before and always been a good student. Something is just off this year. And I don't know why. It's been eating me up inside.

Her story was that this kid was picking on someone else and she was "defending" them. She said she put her hand on his neck and led him away from their group that was hanging out. He said she squeezed his neck and drew blood, the school said they never saw anything of the sort, but did see her put her and on his neck and lead him away.

She has a lot of friends, she is involved in yearbook, softball, and SS is in the same grade at the same school. He is pretty protective of her. She does struggle with self image. She is built differently than DD15 and I. DD 15 looks exactly like me, tall and slender stature. DD13 is tall but has a naturally bigger stature. She took after her dad's side. She is NOT overweight,she is built sturdy, I am very fragile (literally, I have no muscle and get hurt all of the time because of it) DD is solid. Built like a softball player and is AN AMAZING catcher. She is BEAUTIFUL. She has the most beautiful natural wave in her hair and it's long, blonde, almost to her waist. She is so smart and witty. I wish she could see these things in herself. She has an amazing sense of style, and can do her make up like a pro. I just love her sweet spirit. She is goofy and marches to the beat of her own drum, but hey, I thought that was "in style" these days.

I read all of these stories about girls her age being bullied and taking their own lives. It frightens me.

You are right to be a little

You are right to be a little worried...I am sure you remember my story about Thing1's high school girlfriend, Meaghan..

Get the info you can from her, contact the school and set up a meeting with the principal and the school counselor/social worker and go from there.

I ALWAYS know when something's up with one of my kiddos, and so do you...

Thank you WOB. You are always

Thank you WOB. You are always so supportive for me. I knew I could count on you guys to calm me down.

any time. love. It sucks

any time. love. It sucks when our kids hurt

I like what advice.only has to say, too. There may be a multitude of things going on with her, given her age. Her body is changing, she's thinking about boys, any number of things could be rattling around that little punkin head of hers.

Just let her know that you are a safe place, and don't be surprised if she backs off or sloughs you off. Keep telling her that she is safe with you and then move heaven and earth to get in front of the principal and the school counselor/social worker.

tell punkin head we LOVE her!!!

I mean really... who could

I mean really... who could bully this face

http://imgur.com/xGYHXLn

Thank you. I sure think she

Thank you. I sure think she is. She's my little punkin' head.

A total a$$hole. She's

A total a$$hole. She's beautiful.

I wonder what his deal is

I wonder what his deal is though, don't you? I don't think kids just turn out like this for no reason. He has been a trouble maker for years.

I am not excusing him but has

I am not excusing him but has she maybe rejected an advance or unwanted attention from him? That can turn some boys in to nasty pieces of work.

love!!!!!!

My niece is the sweetest girl

My niece is the sweetest girl and she was bullied so bad that my brother took her to a different school as her school did nothing about it. They live in a very wealthy area but my niece isn't into fancy stuff. She was bullied about not wearing brand name clothes and make up in 8th grade. No kidding. She is literally an angel. She wasn't depressed but she was so stressed that developed nervous tick. Luckily it was all over as soon as she moved schools.

Sorry your child goes through this

Ps your DD reminds me of my niece how she looks etc innocent and sweet. Hope it gets sorted out asap

I will do that. Thank you for

I will do that. Thank you for your insight.

Few things are worse than

Few things are worse than your kid hurting. I'm sorry BS. Sounds like you have a good plan to get her some additional support which is great.

I sit and think about the

I sit and think about the same thing Seau. I can't believe kids ACTUALLY do this, STILL. After all of the attention it gets, after all of the devastating stories we have all read (or known first hand). There is a boy in our town that killed himself at a diner (shot himself) because he was being bullied at school for being a cheerleader. Thousands came together for his vigil, created Anti Bully groups and clubs... and STILL this stuff happens on the daily. I am baffled.

Thank you for your kind words. I hate that she is going through this too. My heart breaks when my babies hurt.