*(hugs)*

My baby is almost 13 months. In the beginning I really thought of giving up BFing, the pain was horrible but it definitely got better.
As for BFing and still having some freedom, you could buy a breastpump if you can afford one. I work so I have an electric one now but if you only use it occasionally, you could go manual - had one in the beginning.
As you go along, you'll feel more comfortable being a mommy. I was so scared of breaking the baby or doing anything to hurt him in the early days - it was crazy. I got more comfy as I went along though.

it gets easier believe me I have 9 m old one he is my second one (15 yrs gap)first 12 weeks is the worst part.ask for help from people around you. ( sorry for grammer , english is my second language)when baby sleep you sleep too . I don't know which part of the world you are but if weather is nice put your baby to pram and take long walks at this age you only need nappy, when baby gets hungry Bfeed. isolation is really hard. I learnt how to go to Coffe shops by myself everyday end of my walks. and lost 8 kgs this way. once they start interacting with you after 12 weeks it feels easier and smooter.if you get sore nipples put some of you milk around them to heal.

lots of love , when ever you need someone to talk we are here. don't let hormones to drive you down.

My baby is now 9 weeks old. I wanted to breastfeed in the WORST way. I never produced enough milk. I tried for a full month, pumping every couple hours trying to stimulate the production and feeling guilty everytime I had to give my son formula. I felt like such a failure.

The hormones in the beginning are very difficult, and make you have crazy feelings. I never expected that.

I have not had any help at all with my baby. DH was home for two weeks to "help" and I still never had more than 2 hours sleep, and he's only fed the baby once or twice ever. I bet he can count on one hand the times he's changed a diaper. My son is starting to sleep through the night (6-8 hours in his room...oh such heaven!).

I feel lucky that I almost feel empowered by doing it all alone. I take my baby everywhere with me; I even took him in to work last week. (I work from home mostly now). The hardest part is trying to exercise but I do what I can. DH is very critical of my body, and that's very hurtful, but my son is soooo worth it.

I would say that it's just the hormones making you feel down and trapped. If it last a few more weeks, definitely seek help from a doctor because it could be PPD.

YES it gets better! My baby is 15 weeks now and those first weeks are definitely the hardest. Your hormones are raging, you're dealing with breastfeeding (why on earth is that one of the HARDEST things to do?), and dealing with a changing relationship with your SO and you also WANT to feel back to "yourself" since you aren't preggers anymore but it just isn't going to happen for a few more weeks. I know I had a really hard time feeling like I wanted that intimacy back with FDH, feeling like we'd lost it forever...but it just took one night of spending quality time with each other to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now, besides going to bed early, we have picked up where we left off before the pregnancy "got in the way" of the intimate moments.

Please don't be afraid to talk to your doctor at your little one's next appointment (or before if you feel bad). I look back at myself now and I do think I dealt with PPD. I blamed my feelings on just being overtired and adjusting to life as a mom, but now that I've started to feel back to my old self again, I realize that I was dealing with something more than just overtired and hormones. I had family come and go and never shed a tear...it was really bizarre, it was almost like I was walking around in a trance with no real feelings about anything other than baby. I LOVED him the whole time and never felt bad about him but I just wasn't myself. I'm still having night terrors and that is a symptom of PPD but in general I feel so much better than a few weeks ago so I think my hormones are just still leveling out.

If you are going back to work, that will help. Although I miss my baby so much during the day while I'm at work, I really needed to have some semblance of my old life back -- to be able to talk to people and to take care of just myself for the day. It helped alot. And while you're home with your baby, make time to get out and about. Yes it can be a hassle bringing everything but just walking around the mall, putting on makeup, etc, helped me so much in those first weeks. If you need any advice/support please feel free to PM me!