We had court on Friday....and lost.
I've been so emotional I haven't been able to post this weekend. We had petitioned the court for a set placement schedule that was consistent and stable for the skids 9 and 12. We have 50/50 custody, and requested a week on/week off schedule. BM and her hubby work as EMT's on 24 hour shifts. Her belief was that the placement schedule should revolve entirely around her job (ntitling her to only have the skids on her days off, handpicking the holidays she wanted, and setting different drop off times based on her job too (ie 6am on the days she dropped the kids to us so she could go to work, and 8am when we dropped the kids to her so she could work late in the morning). This of course wasn't something DH and I felt was appropriate because it is not consistent for the kids, and it makes us the only ones incurring day care expenses as DH and I both work.
A GAL (court appointed attorney for the skids) was appointed a year ago, and in his wisdom, he recommended an insane schedule that has the skids bouncing back and forth every other day between homes, and not even on the same day of the week. Oh, and some weeks there are two days in a row on a weekend, other weeks there are three. It's a nine week rotation that is so difficult to follow I had to plot it out for the entire year in outlook. It essentially follows HER work schedule so that the kids are always with her on her days off.
DH and I refused to agree to this, and ended up off to court on Friday. We had also requested a year 1/year 2 holiday rotation. BM walked into court with the next 9 years of which day she was off Christmas (day vs Eve) and essentially told the us that she would do a holiday rotation for all the holidays except Christmas....where she had already handpicked the next 9 years.
So the result was.....you guessed it.....BM got the every other day schedule set AND got her 9 years of handpicked Christmas holidays. We did get a set drop off time of 8 am, and she has to pay 1/2 the GAL fees. Our lawyer even asked "so what happens if BM changes jobs or shifts in the next 9 years?" We were told that given the nature of BM's work we would be expected to work around her schedule in the future. Seriously......I didn't realize that one parent (who is not a custodial parent could dictate the schedule as if she was. 9 years of this....are you kidding me?
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That is obsurd... I have
That is obsurd... I have never heard of anything quite so strange. Seriously, I want to hand pick the days I have kids!! I am sorry for your defeat. Keep your head up...
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
And thats what drives me
And thats what drives me nuts....not any consideration for my or DH's job.
"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"
Humm,.. doesn't exactly
Humm,.. doesn't exactly sound like this arrangement is in the best interest of the children. You have to wonder about some of these judges and GALs. They are soo friggin clueless it boggles my mind!
First sign of a "change of circumstances", I would be hightailing it back to court.
I would keep track of how the kids do under this arrangement. Keep a real good journal.
We all smile in the same language
Absolutely, anita. When I
Absolutely, anita. When I got divorced in the late '80s the GAL recommended every other week for my daughter and even stated that if a parent moved from the area, the child would remain with the other parent! (we lived in a very depressed area so I was stuck) This despite noted PAS in her report. He did nothing for the child when we were together and for a while he was sending her to school in dirty clothes, etc. Split custody like that was flavor of the year back then. My poor daughter learned to pack really well and I remember how stressed out she got over perhaps forgetting stuff at one house or the other. She did this for fourteen years.
In the long run, my house became her true home and visits to Daddy were tolerated (he's quite a trip).
I wish you luck catlover--perhaps a better lawyer might give you some insight into what is possible and why this travesty happened.
DH and I talked about
DH and I talked about appealing. Our lawyer recommended against it because our chances aren't good. Essentially the problem is "quality of time". Ie. That having the skids with BM for the days she works 24hr shifts would mean that the skids don't see her at all during that visit (which the court won't look at as a good thing). The problem is that the only way for her to maintain 50/50 placement and have this quality issue met is for this type of schedule to exist. Since we didn't go into court requesting modification from the 50/50, the court will rule based on preserving that 50/50.
"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"
I would prefer the skids
I would prefer the skids full time to this back and forth crap! I have told DH that we should attempt full custody given that she has stated in court that she is "unable" to care for the skids on the days she works. At issue though, is that we were cautioned that pursuing full custody right after "losing" the schedule battle wouldn't bode well for us. Not to mention the financial implications.
I don't think that 50/50 is a good thing. DH has always been the one to adjust when BM "can't", and at some point he just won't be able to anymore.
I have long been wishing that some opportunity (job or otherwise) that would force BM into a situation of sinking or swimming on her own merit. Until then nothing will change.
"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"
Well, lets see, i guess BM
Well, lets see, i guess BM better get a babysitter for when you can't bend right???? She may have gotten her way in court but she cannot physically make you guys take them when its not your time. I know the kids get affected. BUT in the end , if she cannot provide a safe alternative when they are in her custody then she'll be hard pressed.
I think you should appeal immediatley and basically tell them your life doesn't revolve around her work schedual and being that it is so unstable that the kids should have a more stable environment.
START making her get a baby sitter by syaing no. And stop catering her to begin with. I'm sure the courts see you bending befor eso they think you might as well keep bending.
This makes me nervous as I
This makes me nervous as I am waiting for the report from our own GAL. Although, we've some instances where my ex was a dumbass with him and quite a few good references for myself. Supposed to get that this week. I didn't get a chance to have any input on the original schedule and it's also one of those that has my son going back and forth nearly every day. It's completely retarded and he's almost 2 and a half.