"I Don't Want Him Anymore"
I will never understand how a mother could ever say she “doesn’t want her kid anymore”, “can’t stand the sight of them”, and mean it, especially when the child is just 3 years old!
BM has been saying this on a regular basis for the last month or so. I really hoped that she didn’t mean it, but at this point I know she does. As much as I despise the woman, she is SS3’s mom, and if she abandons him because she decides “she can’t handle him” what is that going to do to SS?
I don’t have any children of my own, but I couldn’t imagine not wanting my child anymore. Could any of you bio parents? I get that kids can be frustrating, and I could see if the child was older (teenager) and becoming unruly and out of control that a BM might send them to live with their father or vice versa, but we are talking about a little child, only 3 years old.
SS is your typical 3 year old. Generally he is a very happy kid, content with doing whatever, just kinda goes with the flow. He is a bright and lively little boy and is almost always eager to help with anything we ask him to do. He loves to help me do the dishes, even though he mostly just fills bowls and cups with water over and over, but he likes it, and I welcome the “help” 
. He’s my little monkey, and he calls me dudette. He does do his share of whining, especially when he doesn’t feel well or if he’s overly tired, but what child that age doesn’t on occasion?
BM seems to have far more problems with SS at her house then we do at ours. She tells my BF that SS says “he hates it at her house” (I’ve never heard SS use the word “hate”) and that “ALL he does at her house is whine”. I don’t know the ACTUAL reason why he does these kinds of things more with her, but I have my thoughts.
I am by far no expert at parenting, but I have been around many kids long enough to know some basic common sense stuff. For example, if a kid is whining because they want something, they don’t get what they want, period. Reinforcing bad behavior and giving in to them is only training them that that type of behavior gets them what they want (DUH), and I think that is a lot of the problem that BM is having with SS. She gives him what he wants because if she doesn’t “he will just freak out”. I just don’t think she gets what it takes to be a parent, nor does she care to learn how. (Obviously I don’t know everything about her, but these are just my observations about her actions).
In the last week she has gone against doctors specific instructions that could’ve potentially affected SS’s health. She gave him a bunch of water the morning of his surgery to have his tonsils and adenoids removed, when she was specifically told not to, because “SS would have just freaked out if she didn’t”. She refused to bring SS’s insurance card so BF could pick up SS’s pain medication from the pharmacy because she was “too busy”. The same day SS had his surgery she was feeding him hard crunchy food, when she was specifically told not to (by BF, who was the one who stayed with SS throughout the surgery, and the instructions from the doc) as it could cause bleeding, and then proceeded to tell BF that “he was a spaz, to shut the f up, that SS was fine with what he was eating” when BF again told her he needed soft food. She refused to give BF SS's pain meds (we have SS for the next week) because she thinks they are making him more crabby, :? , the pain in his throat is going to be at its worst during this next week! Today she told BF that he should probably give SS a bath since she hasn’t in 8 days. 8 DAYS??!!
I just see her kind of losing interest in SS almost, and I don't really get it. I mean BF and BM DO NOT like each other, and BM has said she can't stand the sight of SS because he reminds her too much of BF, but could a parent really despise their own child because the child is part of the other parent?
Full custody might be on the near horizon, which is fine with me. I will have to be honest though and say I enjoy the time that SS is not with us and I would miss that, but my heart breaks for this little guy because his mother truly does not want him anymore. If giving up my time means that he can grow up feeling wanted and loved that I am willing to give it a go. Who knows if it’s going to come around and bite me in the butt someday, if he is going to end up resenting me, or is father, because BM chose to dump him off. If it came down to it, I would gladly (okay, maybe just a little grudgingly, jk) accept that he will be with us full time.
I think at this point I pity BM more than I dislike her. She has no idea what she stands to lose if she continues like this.
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I don't understand it either.
I don't understand it either. My stepkids' mother pretty much wrote them off when they decided to move in with us. She might see them twice a year. She'll send them a text message or post on their facebook pages every once in a while, but that's about it.
I just don't get it either.
Said isn't it? My brother's
Said isn't it?
My brother's wife left her 3 kids for HIM!! My brother told her that her kids were brats and didn't want them in his house....ever. She was in a jam, she lived in the ghetto all her life and she saw my brother as a way out. SO, she pushed the kids off on the ex, changed her cell number, and got a PO box in another so they couldn't track her down. Then, her mom passed away and left her the house. She freak out because now she didn't have an escape or an excuse why she couldn't have her kids. She let the house go to TAX SALE!!!!! Then she decided to turn the ex in for his traffic warrants so the kids would have to go into the system!!! The sad thing was her EX is a nice guy, loved those kids to no end, he did all the sports, coached the teams etc....he lived for those kids.....none of could figure out why she was being such a spiteful bitch. Becuause her ex said he didn't want the kids NEAR her!!! She just always said I have to do what is right for me...my kids will understasnd when they turn 18. Idiot....I haven't seen or talked to them in years. I think they are low lives!
I accepted the fasct my DH has a child...I am the first one to admit I never wanted kids/ Its hard to deal with at time because the kids is really strange, but I would never say ditch the kid...until he gets out of HS anyway.
My SS's BM she has no use for the kid, he is a paycheack for her. She hasn't seen or called him since August. When her older son was the same, 16, she took the little one and moved full time into the summer home because she couldn't stand her older son.
Its both of them.....it gets
Its both of them.....it gets worse.
WHen he started to tell my mom about the POS...that is what I call her. My mom was like whoa...you asked this woman to give up her kids for you and she did? My mom said she didn't think much of either one of them! She told him YOU better think long and hard about this one. He got all pissed off at her and stopped talking to her. I think that is what happened...I don't even know for sure. It broke my mom's heart. My dad passed away, we didn't even have his phone number.....he changed it of course. We had to get the police to go to his house and tell him. He called he was all pissed off that the neighbor's saw the cops at his front door. ASSHOLE. My mom asked if he was still with the wife (POS) he screamed at her and slammed the phone in her ear. For some reason I thought he was gonna man-up and make amends with whatever his issue was. NOPE....Thanksgiving came no phone call.....Christmas my mom had a stroke and passed away a week later. The bastard didn't even call her for Christmas. I was pissed....I don't have his phone number and after his reaction a few months ealier when my dad passed, with the cops.....I decided not to piss him off. The bastard didn't talk to my parent for 6 years all they wanted was a phone call but my brother will be taking that phone call to the grave with him. I hope he can live with himself. He hasn't connected me but I know he has connected other friends.....FB...is a wonderful thing and they are all like F off....my parents were good people, they were good to us and good to all the kids we grew up....no one wants anything to do with him. The lawyer contacted him by letter about a month after my mom passed. he never asked how or why...he just asked what he was getting. Nothing....my parents named him as a son but left what they had to me and my "brother" a guy that they raised like their own and even as an adult he was by my parent's side.
I checked public records the man who was so concerned with the police at his front door because his dad passed......took out a MASSIVE home equity loan....built a house out of state and he and POS let the house they equity'ed go back to the bank. Fine outstanding citizens.
They are both POS in my book. I made a promise to my mom on her dying bed that if my brother comes around and finds his way back to me...she asked me to take him back into my heart.....I promised I would but I don't think I can. Just thinking about this makes me cry.
I have a parent that told me
I have a parent that told me that I "wasn't his daughter anymore" and that I've "been disappointing him for the last 15 yrs" (which would mean since I was 10 yrs old). To me, some people just shouldn't have had kids, my dad being one, and it sounds like the BM in your situation. Granted, my brother's and I weren't that young when my parents divorced...I can't imagine being only 3 and being told this! I know my dad, who spent almost every day with us one day just decided that this wasn't the life he had planned for himself. I remember he always used to tell my mom, "if we didnt' have kids we could be doing xyz..." My dad has always said that I remind him of my mother, which is why I think our relationship is non-existent. My mom and I sound EXACTLY alike and we react the same way in most situations. So I think it's completely possible for someone to dislike their child because of the constant reminder of the other parent. Not that that makes it right at all. I've been told that I sound more like an ex-wife than a child. (Which I kind of get now, but I never had a problem calling him out on his selfishness and always had a tough love approach to things with him. I guess I felt like if I told him how I really felt about situations and the fact that he solely created the situation he was in [he cheated on my mom and actually told my 14yr old brother about the affair...completely ruined my brother btw] that he would appreciate the fact that he knew where we stood with each other.)It sounds like your skid would be better off in a home that cares about him, which you obviously do. BM will hopefully realize this one day, before it's too late. You would be doing your skid a great service to try to get full custody. Kids are really observant, and his behavior will only get worse with her when he figures out that any attention, be it positive or negative, is still attention. It would worry me about how she'll react to him when he does act out for her attention. I'd say get him out now and put him in the positive environment that he needs and will get from you and BF. Good luck with this!!!
"To me, some people just
"To me, some people just shouldn't have had kids" --> So true! My SS was 14 before BM said she didn't want him anymore, but I don't think she ever really wanted him. She just wanted all the attention that comes with having a baby.
I'm so sorry to hear what your little SS is going through. I hope that you and BF give him all the love and good parenting that he deserves.
As psycho crazy as our BM is,
As psycho crazy as our BM is, I do believe that she loves her kids. Although I don't think she truly realizes, or maybe doesn't have the mental capacity, the harm that her crazy actions have caused to them.
I guess I am not surprised when the DAD writes off his kids but the MOM? That always strikes me as odd.
There are tons of families
There are tons of families would would LOVE to adopt an unwanted baby
I just found out, last
I just found out, last weekend, that my 16-year old neice is pregnant. She's made the choice to have it & give it up for adoption. I don't agree that people aren't capable of doing it. In my opinion they choose not to do it. Most often they choose to abort just so they don't have to deal with it. Her reason for choosing adoption came from her heart, as a mother. Her child deserves a life. Her child deserves to experience the love of a mother & a father. Couples who are willing to go through the arduous process of adopting a child REALLY want a child. Her child deserves to be THAT wanted & THAT loved.
I can't imagine having 50/50
I can't imagine having 50/50 custody, let alone just walking away from my DS. It is simply mind boggling to me, and it's very very sad. Poor kids, they know they aren't wanted by their own parent. Breaks my heart.
We have always had custody of
We have always had custody of our on (my SS). As you indicated, we also enjoy our couple time when our son is visiting SpermLand. However, it has never gotten any easier to put him on the plane to SpermLand. Not in the 16+yrs since he started visitation with the SpermClan when he was 1yo. We also never got past the pre visitation attitude issues and the post visitation detox period.
He needed time to prepare and adjust in order to survive emotionally during visitation, and time to purge the toxic crap he picked up from the SpermCLan when he got home to his real life. His pre and post visitation adjustments have never been pleasant for any of us.
He has been back from his final CO'd visitation with the SpermClan for about a month and seems to be getting through post visitation detox a little more smoothly than usual. It seems that his mom and I are less cranked up about his behavior at least.
He has been purging on issues he has never shared before as far as SpermIdiot and SpermClan behavior. Now that he is done with them I think he is comfortable sharing these things with his mom. He has always shared more with me than with her. I think in his mind he was protecting his mom from being upset about the SparmClan issues he was having to deal with. He is sharing things this time that he has never shared before, even with me. Things going back 10+ years.
My SS's situation and his dealing with this final visitation reiterates to me that the ones that suffer the most in toxic blended family situations is the kids.
Not that Sparents and the decent BioParents don't suffer. But the kids definately suffer.
In our situation the only ones that seem to not suffer are the idiot evil SpermClan. I make them suffer as much as I can by beating the snot out of them with the CO and by keeping them straight by putting them in front of the judge. But they do not suffer nearly enough IMHO.
I am still waiting for the carmic asteroid to wipe out their next family reunion to save humanity from further polution by their gene pool.
Best regards,