Well it was not a great weekend but some sort tolerable. Yes, that's what I am trying to do; get to that point where there will be no "what if"; an outcome with the knowledge that everything that can be done is done either way it may turn out. There were definitely moments that I wanted to scream at BF and tell him I hate for his kids spending that much time here. But then I told myself "this is the LAST time you are going to try, remember that", so those moments past. It is hard, very hard, but I am determined to give all I have until I empty out all the "what its" inside of me before the deadline I set for myself. I probably will frequent here to keep venting and venting and venting and venting and venting so to keep my sanity and to read all you are going through. And maybe, just maybe that will make me feel better about my situation knowing that "hey, someone else got it worse than you, girl!"