The way you describe it, it sounds like the book is saying that in order to prevent a mini wife situation, you have to make sure and look as attractive as possible? If my attractiveness has anything at all to do with my husband's relationship with his daughter, i just might throw up!

It sounds like that book is telling you how to act so that your husband doesn't have an affair. Which, from my understanding, might be valid in some cases, but not all. Some people will cheat no matter what you look/act like. If Beyonce got cheated on, wtf can the rest of us do?

For what its worth - be the queen and let EVERYONE know.

"Stay pretty, work out etc" 

Why doesn't HE "stay handome, work out etc" ???

"Men like to feel admired and respected" 

Why is HE not admiring and respecting his partner?? 

Ugh, this sounds like something out of the Stepford Wives. Mini wife syndrome is a result of poor parenting and boundaries on Daddy's part, NOT because a woman hasn't "stayed prettyand worked out" or "admired and respected him"

I was curious about that book, but never got it. After your comment saying that the book says, "stay pretty, work out etc" I will steer clear. I'm an athlete and always kept myslef in tip top physical condition (until a couple of years ago). SD competed with me and showed off her body to DH and despite me having a six pack when I was 52, SD won. I really don't think Mini-Wife Syndrome is a matter of who has the better body. I'm in both couples therapy with DH and individual therapy for myself after having my body image issues triggered from losing out to a mini-wife and am learning more and more that competing with the mini-wife on that level is not only not effective, but is actually unhealthy.

My therapist and the couples therapist have both said to not reward DH for his behaviour. Emotional incest doesn't occur because the wife failed to give enough attention to her spouse. The emotional incest/mini-wife dynamic occured way before the wife came along. Giving your DH all the appreciation and devotion he needs and wants after relegating his wife to a distant second to a mini-wife only rewards him for treating you that way. 

Several years ago, I had a nuclear meltdown and declared myself Queen Shit of Turd Island. I demanded that things change "before the sun sets today," and on and on. It worked. DH was great for a few years. However, he relapsed in the biggest way. It happened before SD32 got pregnant, so it wasn't the grandchild issue. I don't even know what it was. I've been in agony for a couple of years since his relapse back into fawning over the mini-wife and I ultimately totally withdrew and created an exit plan. I didn't say anything to him because I wanted to not show my hand yet. DH picked up on it and I guess got scared that I had enough and was leaving and he's the one that got us into counselling. We've been going since last January and we've been learning a ton. DH has improved a lot but my trust isn't quite there yet because after all, he did great for a few years and then relapsed and became worse than ever. Our therapist says that because of his relapse it will take a long long time for me to trust DH again. 

The quash of Mini-Wife Syndrome has to come from the dad. He has to see that there's a problem and he has to want to change it enough that he'll remain committed to quashing it. The kid will fight it tooth and nail and the father has to remain strong and soldier on with his efforts, but most often these dads get scared of losing Poopsie and they not only give in, but they turn on the big ole mean wife for wanting changes. And that is if the dad is even willing to see a problem or wanting to change it. It is often at the core of the dad because of his own issues, so unfortunately, the prognosis for treatment of Mini-Wife Syndrome is slim to none. The more you address your SD or try different things with her to attack the syndrome, the more she'll fight you and the more she'll paint you as the mean old evil SM to your SO. Focus your strategies on your SO and it may involve risks you're not willing to take: yet. These dads don't really get consequences from their wives, because the wives don't fully commit to their requirements of their SOs, so they pull back out of fear of losing their marriages. I had to get to a point that I wasn't scared. I became way more afraid of living in that agony than I was of losing DH. It is when you get to that point that you can lay down the law and stay committed to your stance. 

However, at 12 mini wife syndrome is just kicking into gear. It lasts throughout the teens and sometimes even into their 20's+. It has more to do with a combo of divorce/permissive parenting and girls natural tendency to attach to their Dad's in the teen years as they "practice" to have their own relationships one day. 
As far as preventing it ... You are not that powerful, you can't. But some things that help is sign that little Princess up for after school extracurricular activities and encourage her to make friends and get out of the house! Also, the further away their college is the better. 

I think the point the book was trying to make was to stay the adult, nuture your marriage and make sure you give your spouse what their child can't give them.  It's an unhealthy dynamic that causes a parent to turn to a child for adult needs.   Now if you are doing and living like an adult in a committed relationship and he still seeks out a daughter for emotional needs then you have dysfunctional man in your hands and you need to take a hard look  yourself for your choice in partner.  

I just looked it up, and saw the author is Katie Lee. She was a member here several years ago. She also had a blog called A Little Stepmama Drama. Some old timers will remember her. Anyone still in touch with her?

Killjoy used to follow me around and snark every little thing I did.  When she became a teenager, I was really hoping she'd get a life, but she still wanted to be home all the time.

After I kicked her out, she finally got a life.  Allegedly, she has friends now and goes to football games and school dances.

I think Satan, PASinator extraordinaire, gave her the assignment of following me around and reporting every little thing I did, as well as meangirling me in my own home.  Once I kicked her out, she no longer had that responsibility.

Maybe your HCBM is behind this.

Regarding the book, I do think it's important as grown women we not to get mired in rivalries with children.  You are above that.  Keep being your awesome self.  It's natural to lose interest in bedroom romance with your man when he panders to another female.  That's one of many natural consequences of not treating you like the Queen you are.

That would turn me off on the entire book. That mindset. Jeez. I have so much to say but most has been covered in the other comments. What I will add...the day I have to be in competition with a mini-wife is the day I leave and let DH and his MW live happily ever after. 

DH's oldest daughter is a MW but she's been told and knows to steer clear of me with her BS. Add that I haven't seen that witch in 4 years, she can play MW with DH over the phone but she will NEVER impact my life again. 

The desctiption sounds very clear and concise...but now your telling us that we need to step up our "womanly game" to keep our man interested? Sounds like someone tapped into the Reconciliation Complex System for Cheaters. Heres a good quote:

"“The betrayed partner will usually have to accept that they had a part in co-creating a betrayal,” says relationship counsellor and author Neil Wilkie. “My experience is that a betrayal never comes out of a clear blue sky. It usually happens because there was something lacking in a relationship. But if the betrayed partner says, ‘It’s all your fault, I had nothing to do with it,’ then the relationship can never recover.”"

LOL my goodness, I better get to the gym...good thing I got my hair and nails done

what a load of poo! The emotional incest starts as early as 12 when these men groom their bio daughters to become mini wives. The dadddyyyy will triangulate the adult female and mini wife so he can get all the attention and HIS needs met, both physically and mentally...often sexually even though most women would be in denial. The mini wife doesn't make demands of their daddyyyy, they are always happy to see him, they fawn over him, jump in his lap to cuddle, and his sick self enjoys it, barf.

I was in great shape (far better shape than him) and I would never even consider competing with a mini wife, especially the DaughterWife that was short, had stick body like a little boy even at age 23, long black hair & dark tanned skin from taking all those bikini pics for daddy. Biomom hispanic and Dadddeeee tall dorky white guy. All I could think of was the story of Narcissus....gazing at his reflection in the water, he loved himself so much.

exNarcDuh and exSD23 aka DaughterWife had similar facial features and really loved to look at each other, such as the reflection with Narcissus. exNarchDuh even screamed at me (before I made my exit and left) that I'm jealous of her and I calmly stared him in the eyes and said, "Tell me ONE thing I could possibly be jealous of that little skank a*s Ho." Crickets....

Oh, I met a nice man on Saturday, he is a new neighbor, he was very interested and you know I had to ask a question with a question when he asked me out for a date. Yep, he has a 15 yr old daughter with a woman that lives about 5 hours away. I'll take a hard pass. Nice man though, just not for me. I giggled when he showed me pictures of the two of them...at Disney! I told him she looks like a little angel. {{{grin}}}

Sorry.. I think that's mostly "hoohaa" that the reason why SD is a miniwife is because the wife let herself go.. seriously no.

MIniwife tends to happen when a child develops a false sense of their place in the home.  It can start when the dad is divorced and a closeness develops but also a situation where the father puts his child on an equal basis in the home.  Also, where the father treats his wife and child as "equals" instead of his wife as a partner and his child as a ... well child.. a subordinate in the home.  Not meaning they aren't a priority.. but that they don't have the same autonomy and control that their adult partner should hold.

It can stem from insecurity in the child.. afraid that their parent will ditch them like they did their mom.  A jealousy of a NEW person in their father's life.. taking attention etc.. 

It has so little to do with the new partner and mostly due to the father's lack of a healthy parental relationship with their child and inability to set boundaries.