I can't figure it out...
I can not figure out why BM taking the girls to church on Sunday bothers me so much...not so much bothered but maybe just....annoyed.
My BS12's birthday party was on Saturday, so BM kept the girls on Saturday night per DH's request. She then proceeded to ask if he could pick them later on Sunday because she wanted to take them to church.
Harmless, I know.
Let me give you a little religous background on all of us. I am Lutheran. My exH is Catholic. Our kids are not Catholic. (That's a whole other argument for another day) We attended a non-denominational church only occasionally. My DH is Catholic. BM converted when they got married so they could get married in the Catholic Church and the kids were baptized Catholic as well. During their marriage, church was a sporadic event. Usually on holidays. I think the only reasoning behind any of it was to please DH's mom. Lately, she has really been pushing catechism/confirmation for the skids.
Anyways, in the end, none of us are really church-goers. Not for any reason in particular. I'm kind of the odd man out, I'm the only non-Catholic...but in the end, we all believe in the same God. The skids like church and the oldest actually went to preschool at the Church.
So why am I so annoyed?
I think it's partly because BM is a mutant. She turns into whatever man in her life is. She acquires his likes/dislikes and in DH's case his religion. The girls said that BM's BF is probably going to convert so they can all go together. (But he didn't go with them on Sunday) I just don't understand that.
Maybe I'm jealous. Of what I'm not sure.
Maybe it's because she always makes me nervous when she strays from her "normal" behavior. She's bipolar so she deals in extremes. She likes the shock factor while keeping us all on our toes.
I called my best friend and told her of BM's plans to attend church and her first reaction was the same as mine, "who is she kidding?"
I just can't pinpoint why this bothers me so much. It really shouldn't but it does.
What do y'all think?
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My lesson
was to learn to trust my feelings. I'm sure there is an important reason behind the way you feel even if you can't see it clearly yet. Don't worry, you will eventually.
Cajun Lady
I'm a bit of an over-reactor...
so sometimes it's not a good idea for me to "trust" my melodramatic first reaction.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
well...not sure
I would be shocked if BM took my SD's to church. BM is Catholic and never attends Mass. I think 3 years ago she attending SD11's First Communion and that was a great big "show". That's probably why you are annoyed because the motivation is the "show" and in this instance the show is to impress your DH.
I am also Catholic so I understand how it's difficult when you aren't. I'd look at it this way - BM can't impress your DH no matter what she does. Is she annoying? Yes. Will she ever change? Probably not. In this case look at the overall picture - 1)it's actually something your SD's might like doing 2)it's not a bad thing 3)It probably won't continue anyway and 4)you don't have to do it
Hopefully you feel better - I know how annoying the smallest change in behavior can be! I went through it this weekend on another issue. Ignore the drama and theatrics
You are WAY above that CG!
I know...I know...
#1 thru #4.....
Something about the whole situation is just not setting well with me. Maybe it is her sudden urge to go....I always question her intentions when she makes changes.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
B.P.D.
This sounds to me like Boarderline Personality Disorder....it often co-exists with bipolar, and explains her behavior, changing to be like who she keeps company with. It can be really annoying. You being the only "non-catholic" may be where some of these feelings are coming from,plus, you know that it's not coming from her heart to do this. We do all believe in the same god, I'm glad you said that, and it does not matter where she goes to put on her "production" ....you've got him in your heart. ~"Resist all the urges.... that make you want to go out and kill." ~ Chel.
I've personally diagnosed her...
with BPD. Zen suggested the possibility and I researched the subject and diagnosed her myself (probably doesn't count for anything except in my own mind). Wasn't that hard. But I'm sure she is Borderline. She was actually diagnosed bi-polar when she was still married to DH...
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
Gut feeling
i doubt your guts are wrong..and there may be a hidden reason behind why she's suddenly taking them to church..but i do feel that sometimes people are led to God for different reasons...sometimes those reasons can be because of a man/woman...they want to impress and go to church because the person they have their eye on would look at that favorably..at the same time during this process it's possible that they realize that going makes them feel better or closer to God and people begin to change for the better on their own. also the kids going is a very good thing...i can think of a million things that could be worse. so i would say keep your eyes open and watch it..and in the meantime it's not doing any damage, only good. i do get your frustration and because of BM being BP i could see why flags are going up for you...
That is the only part...
of church I remember growing up....Youth Group.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
It just sounds like one of
It just sounds like one of her bipolar episodes. I'm sure it won't last - nothing ever does with them anyway
Yes...
it's a no-no.
But so is premarital sex and birth control. Which she takes part in.
His church actually does not recognize my union with my husband. He would have to petition the church to annul his first marriage to BM. At that point we could actually be married in the church even though I'm not Catholic. The only stipulation would be that our children would have to be Catholic. Frankly, I'm not interested and my DH even seems to be questioning his faith. He says that anymore he believes in God just not in religion.
So yes, according to the Catholic church, we ALL have done a big no-no. Maybe she is wanting to ask for an annulment from the church so she can marry her BF. Who knows what her motives are...
She just started MaryKay, maybe she's looking for new clientele?
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley