It's nagging me.
OK. We've come far. I don't expect perfection by any means. DH is keeping the fantastic peace right now because BM has agreed to let the girls go to school by our new house and until paperwork is signed, he doesn't want to rock the proverbial boat.
My dad is terminally ill. He's making a big deal about Thanksgiving because odds are that it's the last one he'll spend with us before he earns his wings. Court order says that Thanksgiving alternates each year with this year being ours to have them. For some friggin reason BM is wanting them "later" that day. (Court order says not til the next morning)
I HATE THAT.
She gets them at 8:00pm (that's EIGHT PM SHARP by God) on Christmas Eve and it is such a headache every frickin year to make it work and we are always running around making sure it's Eight oclock ON THE DOT they get dropped off...so the Kracken isn't released.
I want to spend my last Thanksgiving with my dying father without worrying about anything at all when it comes to her. I want my children there and have arranged it with my ex... AND I want my stepdaughters to be there to allow them ALL to tuck away that memory in their little hearts.
I want! I want! I want!
BM said that she doesn't really care that he's dying. Girls aren't even related anyways.
Yeah well... "whatever, you wilda beast" is what I say.
DH is stuck between a rock and a hard place and I'm thinking I'm going to have to just suck it up and know that the girls WILL BE being dropped off later that night and I need to tap into my coping mechanisms of breathing in and out to just accept that I don't always get what I want.
I just wish that I could. 
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Uh, excuse me, but the papers
Uh, excuse me, but the papers state that BM is to get the girls the following morning. The court order is above and beyond anything that this wretched unfeeling woman wants. Who gives a crap if it rocks the boat a little bit. If she has a problem, she can go to the judge. My guess is he would laugh in her face considering the circumstances. Tell your DH he is not stuck between a rock and a hard place. It is HIS holiday that has been COURT ORDERED and it really doesn't matter what the reason is that you will NOT be dropping her off on Thanksgiving. Your dh should be MUCH more sympathetic to your situation rather than worrying about rocking the boat with the ex-witch. Good Luck!
I think that's the rock and
I think that's the rock and the hard place.
I could stomp my feet and say the girls are going with us, please reference the court order... and he would definitely do it.
We would also end up before a judge almost indefinitely.
Girls would keep going to school where no one wants them to go except her. She also, for the time being... as that previously referenced court order states... has the power to say where they go.
So.. I see what you're saying, but I just feel like there is a greater picture.
How is DH "stuck?" It's his
How is DH "stuck?" It's his turn to have them for the holiday. He does not have to give in to her. Why would he even consider putting her needs before yours??
Why would he put her needs
Why would he put her needs first?
Because I'm not sure that my needs SHOULD reign free in this situation.
I'm all about being fair and level headed. I do think our marriage is most important along with my needs.
I just like to rationally figure out what it is that I actually "need" without being a completely selfish brat which I sometimes can be.
OMG! This could be your last
OMG! This could be your last holiday with your father? You are such a SELFISH WITCH!! ROFL no. no no no. Your FAMILY NEEDS to be with your father on what could possibly be his LAST holiday! There is absolutely NOTHING selfish about that AT ALL! I can see if you want to keep peace so the kids go to school where they are closer to you whatever, but don't give in just because you think that the BM has all of this power that she doesn't. If she would seriously switch the kid's school JUST because she didn't get her way then she will pay for that one in the hereafter. If she wants to go to court over you keeping your own holiday the way the court order states... I would like to start charging her a 10% STUPID TAX! Under any other circumstance, let the kids go back that night. Under THIS circumstance, hold onto your holiday!!
She seriously would do a lot
She seriously would do a lot of dumb things.
Hmmmmm.... stupid tax. Only 10%? She'd be getting a fantastic deal at that point.
I don't think you're petty
I don't think you're petty and I definitely understand. I'm sorry to hear about your Grandpa.
I'm a sucker when it comes to being overly compassionate. A good hearted fool if you will. I can't help but extend kindness, especially to the Wilda Beast... even when she probably doesn't deserve it.
I just struggle when she has to be such a brat sometimes when it is so unbelievably unnecessary.
I also believe in karmatic winds. I think she is my punishment for anything I have ever done wrong in this life... which was a lot. }:)
I like the peace that you've
I like the peace that you've found. I don't feel sorry for BM anymore like most people think I do. I just accept her in all her disasterous glory. I, too, see her for what she is and I know that you have to have a pretty deep hole in your heart to act the way she does.
It's in these moments when I'm taking it personally that I get so frustrated. That I mean something to someone who just doesn't have the capability to care about anyone else. Her misery has to be spread because she is drowning in it and it has nowhere else to go.
So I feel compassion for her simply because it would be aggression against me as who I am not to. I can't change that about myself no more than I can change her nastiness. Like I said, good hearted fool.
I know she sucks as a person and that is just so sad for her, because those of us around her are pretty great and she's just too damned blind to ever see that.
(Pardon me while I purge :P)
CG, My thoughts are with your
CG,
My thoughts are with your dad and your family this holiday. I hope you all enjoy it and that the BM beast finds her heart, at least for a short while over Thanksgiving.
Best regards,
Thanks my old friend. I
Thanks my old friend.
I hadn't even thought of having faith in her a little bit, that even she can melt that dold heart of hers. Even just a little bit. Miracles do happen. I've seen it.
Hmmmmmmm.... interesting.
Heck no, I'm not personally
Heck no, I'm not personally going. That ship sailed a long time ago. I actually prefer DH to do the driving, less interaction ya know?
Her past behavior tells me that she will sign, she'll just "quid pro quo" it up until the last minute. Milk it for all it's worth. Papers aren't signed because we haven't had them drawn up yet, we wanted to close on our house first. This Friday! Yay!!
That's actually a good idea, have her pick them up... Hmmmmmm... stop the phone calls wouldn't it?
Thank you!!
OH LOL GMTA - I knew I like
OH LOL GMTA - I knew I like you!
i agree with foxie, make the
i agree with foxie, make the evil bitch come get the girls if she has to have them and focus on spending time with your father.
my heart goes out to you. i can't imagine the pain always wondering if this is the "last" time.
If she wants them at 8pm
If she wants them at 8pm Thursday night she comes to your parents home to get them. Don't you or your DH leave him to do her bidding. I do hope she finds a heart and decides to let you keep them.
CG, I'm so sorry to hear
CG, I'm so sorry to hear about your father. My heart hurts for you and your knowing that you have such limited time with him now.
Having to deal with such stressors at a time like this is frustrating. You are kind and compassionate to recognize the biomom's inability to extend any herself, and still treat her with understanding, even to the point of questioning your own motives. Personally, I do not think you ask for too much. In fact, it is she who asks too much. But it may be too much to ask of her, seeing that she is unmoved by your loss. That is sad, because one does not get a second chance in matters like this. But it is what it is.
I would not be afraid of "rocking the boat" by sticking to the holiday agreement and returning the girls to her the next morning, but that's just me. Sometimes the best thing to do is the hardest thing to do.
I've been in similar situations and have always made whatever changes needed to be made so that it would make it easier for my XH and his wife. I make it a point to be considerate and compassionate, even though he does not deserve that from me (all the abuse I received at his hand). I keep hoping that my kindness will be returned in the future, should I be in a position to require it from them.
I doubt they will return the favor, but at least my karmic bank account is full.
On another note, I just came home from the hospital today. I had been nervous about my procedure because I was going under GA, and I know there are always risks. While I was waiting to go into surgery, I began writing letters to my children and my husband, just in case this was my last day on earth. I can't tell you how much I cried thinking that might never see my lovely children or my loving husband again. All I could think about was letting them know what joy they bring to my life, what a privilege it was to love them and know them, what I wanted for their lives, how special they are... Thank God they did not have to read them. I will tell them tonight.
Each day is truly a gift. A beautiful, wonderful, messy, frustrating gift. Enjoy the time you have.
Well dosen't this just suck!
Well dosen't this just suck! I too lost my father and I can't imagine someone saying too bad the kids are not related so they don't need to be there. What a idiot!
I have lost many people on my side, father, grandfather etc and my SD's have always been at everything with us-they are our family and they were treated like grandchildren even if not by blood. Tell that woman she may not be part of the family but your children are and she should be so lucky to have you treating them like your own children and wanting them included in such an emotional time for you.
BUT I completley understand about not wanting to rock the boat, but really it will probably just be something else that will do it, BM's always find something to get angry about so they can get there way.
Good luck!
And I agree with sixteens mom-Make her come and get them if she wants them.
Not related? God protect
Not related? :?
God protect any one who told my parents that my son (SS) is not their Grandson. It would be a brutal scene.
My parents are the only true set of GPs that my SS has. SpermGrandMa uses him as a pawn for manipulation of my wife and BioDad. SpermGrandPa detests him and openly rants about having to pay for visitation travel and for the CS that my SS is supposed to receive from the SpermIdiot. My ILs care but do very little with him or for him. They don't have the resources and they are a bit intimidated by his intellect. My parents insist on his spending part of the summer with them, visiting them several times per year, they have visited him a school (boarding) several times and made trips to attend his sports events before he went off to school. They drove 1800 miles (one way) to attend his HS graduation though they were rather frustrated with him.
He goes on all of the GrandKid vacations with my parents along with my Bro's kids.
GrandParent status has very little to do with genetics and everything to do with love, support, interaction, etc.....
IMHO of course.
I think the harder you push
I think the harder you push that twig, the more she'll fight back. I know what you mean by bigger picture. I'm not sure what I would do. But, you can vent away on Friday.