"Now you know how it feels..."
"Now you know how it feels...."
I try very hard no to say those words because it always seems to be misinterpreted as vengeance. Well, I uncontrollably let the words roll off my tongue and low and behold...it felt really good.
My exH lost his job a few months ago and because I am understanding that some things are beyond our control, I agreed to let him slide on child support until he found other employment. Well, he's found other employment but at a significantly lesser wage. He had another job in sight that would pay as much as the one he lost and was just waiting for an opening. Well the opening arrived and he blew it because he didn't pass one of the testing requirements. He's eligible to test again...but not for another 4 to 6 months.
So I'm not getting paid ANY child support for either of my children from the fathers that helped me create them. Not only is my oldest son's biodad not paying, he's costing me plenty because of this horrid custody dispute. I get to pay the lawyer and I get to pay for the therapist for BS12 and cross my fingers that biodad will fulfill the court order to reimburse me half the cost. Which his pattern shows that he really doesn't take into consideration what any piddly court order says.
So anyways....exH texted me today of the news of his failure to land this job that would ensure that I start getting child support again. I was pretty disgruntled by the news but didn't want to start in on exH being that his day had already been ruined plenty. There's no point in me whining about money that he has no way of paying. It not only would do no good, it would cause an argument that I'm just not interested in having right now.
I did however whine to DH about our current state of affairs. He started complaining about exH's "responsibility" as a father and that he needs to pay.
Hmph. That is too funny. My son is 9, I divorced when he was 2. In 7 years exH has never skipped a payment. NEVER. And he is still paying for BOTH the boys lunches (which was $75/mo he paid for on TOP of child support).
BM doesn't pay for shit. No daycare, health insurance, none of the essentials AND we pay child support on top of that. Not only that, she won't reimburse for medical expenses and extra curricular activities that she owes for months at a time. We're talking hundreds of dollars at any given time.
So as DH RANTED on about how exH needs to figure it out and pay up, stating he should get a second job or cash in on his 401k, and on and on...I let him finish and simply said "Now you know how it feels..."
There was a long pause.
I then suggested that we not start getting into ex spouses and whose ex in this situation is f*cking the most out of this family.
I then inquired about the fairness of me demanding money out of someone who simply doesn't have it....isn't that like what BM did when she DEMANDED her ridiculous amount of child support/alimony and I had to take a cash advance out on a credit card just so she would hand over the kids who we hadn't seen in two weeks.
I simply said I was done talking about it...thanks for the advice but I'm good.
I feel very validated. For once I'm the one sucking the life out of our financial foundation. Lawyers and TWO exes who aren't contributing. Way to go Colorado Girl. 
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Comments
Woohoo!
You, quite simply, rock!
And y'know, sometimes people need to be hit between the eyes with what they are doing in a situation. It's like watching the light dawn when they realize that they're criticizing you for a chronic habit of theirs.
But I really like how you made your point and then stopped the discussion. That was a WIDE open door for you to remind your DH of every single time BM has ruined you financially, but you didn't. Even though you couldn't resist, you were a bigger person than you could have been in the end.
Given that your ex has been consistent in paying for 7 years, odds are, he'll step up when he's able, right? So you're not totally sucking the life out of your foundation - it's temporary. You'll make it through.
Still though, that was an awesome zinger.
~Trish
Press on
You are definately validated. It's high time that DHs realized what we go through. Hands down to you for taking care of your business and not pushing it off on your DH, as many DHs do the rest of us.
Well Done CG..
for putting him back in his place and doing it with such class.
You rock!
Lessons on validation-Good Job CG
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
I close my eyes and picture you giving back what you've been given...ahhhh. Like a hot bath....
thats great
i'm glad someone is standing up for herself.... way to go.. keep it up when needed lol
confession is good for the soul
and so is nah nah a boo boo..
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
Wow.. Glad you were able to
Wow.. Glad you were able to keep your cool and just let him know what it has felt like all those years.
I am also glad to hear that you are reasonable, and know that there is nothing you can do to get blood from a stone.. so rather than crucify a person when they are already down, you let it go. He knows he owes you.. and based on what you have said (never missing a payment) sounds like he will make good when he gets on his feet.
I will hope and pray for your ex that he gets a good paying job and can pay you soon.. and that the OTHER ex knocks off his crap and leaves your 12 yr old alone.. like he has for the kid's whole life.
I hear ya CG
As I mentioned to you via email today, I just paid some hefty med bills that BM has never contributed her portion to. This time I am printing them out and having DH send her the copies with her 20 percent figured out. It will be a test run before we commit to braces for SD.
Now on one hand, I stay home and my DH brings in the money. I bring in a whoppin' 200 bucks a month CS, and 150 of it goes right back out for my student loans.
I do all the house work, most of the cooking (unless we eat out but who can afford much of that these days) and for those of you who have four or more kids, you know what kind of load that is. And 90 percent of what I do relates to SD because she's ill and here all but 2 or 3 days a month.
I am interested to see however, when we sit down the next few weeks to figure out a budget now that we have completely halted credit card use and are working on paying the couple we have off...
How shocked DH will be to see what SD's medical, sports, etc fees cost us, compared to the boys, who's dad chips into that part completely.
I don't spend that much money. I go to the grocery store once a week or less. We eat out a couple times a week. I buy our clothes at Walmart, usually just as they are needed to do growth/seasonal etc. I splurge at Walmart, TJ Max, Burlington, etc once a month on some curtains or something around a hundred bucks or so.
Where is it all going????
Hmmmm.... so even though I don't yet (I'm workin' on it) have an income to put in the pot, I think the spending is quite disproportionate.
And to that I say, my sons are getting a movie and dinner with mom once a month.
You give far too much of yourself CG, for DH to become irritated with your exH's ill luck in this economy, or the out of the blue idiot BF who's wreaking havoc for you right now.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra