More Food Issues and now lying...
I blogged a while back about SD9's eating habits and weight issue. Her doctor said she was overweight and needed to eat healthier/less. She is 9 years old, 4'11'' and weighs about 121 lbs. She wears a size 5/7 in women's clothing. The problem was that she was eating as much as my DH (who is 6 foot tall and 250lbs). We knew that it was a problem and her doctor confirmed that she needed to make some changes. DH started taking her on bike rides. The entire family started eating healthier. DH and I started watching what we eat and started losing weight. The problem is that SD9 acts like she is always hungry. She gets upset when DH won't let her have seconds or thirds at dinner. He started packing her a healthy lunch everyday (filled with fruits, veggie sticks, a healthy sandwich/soup).
I had a suspicion that she was sneaking food. Things were disappearing out of the pantry so I stopped buying junk food at all. DH and I couldn't understand why she still wasn't thinning out. The answer came in the mail yesterday. I received a bill from her school for $52.00! She has been buying a lunch tray or snacks every day on top of her bagged lunch. When I first got the bill, I assumed it was a mistake. DH asked her if she was buying stuff at school and she told him no. He said, I wonder what this bill is about. I told him not to worry that I could look up the account online and it has a line by line list of charges. I knew that SD9 was responsible after saying that because she got a look on her face.
After we looked it up, DH asked her again and she admitted to buying things because she was still hungry. DH was pi**ed. He made her sit her room until he could calm down. He told her that her punishment for buying extra food without permission was that she had to do extra chores to pay back the balance. He explained that if she had been honest with him, that would have been her only punishment. He was mad that she bought extra food, but he was furious that she lied. Her punishment for lying to him is no TV for 2 weeks, no tablet or devices for 2 weeks, and an earlier bed time. He lectured her for a long time about her behavior and lying. She was in tears when it was over, even though he never yelled at her.
The truth is that we are so unsure of how to handle this. It feels mean to deny her food. She gets very pouty when he won't allow her seconds or thirds. And I really worry when she goes back to BM. There are no rules at BM's house. We are seeing a backslide in her behavior. I hate that we will have to start over at the beginning of next year. We talked to her about that last night as well.
Does anyone have any tips on how to handle this? I can block her from being able to buy stuff at school, but how do you tell a kid no that they can't just keep eating? I have never dealt with this before.
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Her doctor said that she is
Her doctor said that she is overweight and it was affecting her blood sugar levels. She was eating alot of junk food. I personally don't care if she eats seconds or thirds. We are worried about her health. Her doctor told us to cut portion sizes. And the thing with lunch is that she is not only buying lunch trays, but alot of the junk food that we have cut down on. DH has started to tell her to let her food settle and we will see if she is still hungry.
The other problem is that she refuses to exercise. He takes her for bike rides and she whines. We go for family walks and she whines. My DS10 loves to go outside and she will go out with him, but after 10 minutes of physical activity, she lays on the grass.
I don't want her to be unhealthy, but I also don't want her agonizing over her weight. (We have never mentioned it to her.) I had parents who were really critical and said things about my weight and I have struggled with it my whole life. Diabetes runs in DH's family and so does heart disease. He wants her to avoid that, if possible.
Usually she wants seconds of
Usually she wants seconds of whatever protein we are having for dinner. Or, if we have pasta, she thinks she needs an entire plate of just pasta. We always have salads and veggies on the side. She never asks for second of that. DH offers it to her. He makes her sit while the rest of us finish dinner. We put in a rule that no one gets seconds until everyone else is done. This has helped somewhat.
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aw. i agree w/ tommar on the
aw. i agree w/ tommar on the water - a lot of times the body will feel hungry when in reality u're just dehydrated.
i would also have a cabinet or drawer or designated spot as a free-for-all, things she can have unlimited amounts of and just help herself. things like apples, bananas, kiwi, grapes, carrots, cut up brocc or cauli, microwave popcorn (but not the type loaded w/ butter and salt!), kale chips, you get the picture. if she wants seconds or thirds after dinner your dh can say "No you may not, however if u're truly still hungry grab as much as you want out of your (healthy) snack drawer."
i think she's lying because she's embarrassed. i'm sure she's aware that she eats more than her friends... maybe check with the local community colleges or gyms and see if they offer a nutrition class so she can see what healthy portions look like?
Generally overeating at this
Generally overeating at this age is due to boredom or depression/emotional issues. Growth spurt too, but that's usually short-lived and doesn't involve sneaking or hiding of foods. Have you guys considered this could be emotionally driven?
Aside from food, does she consume a lot of soda and/or juice? If so, completely cut out the soda and get creative with the juice consumption to cut it drastically down. Making a spritzer would be much healthier - it's 2oz juice, the rest sparkling water and over ice.
I like the popsicle suggestion tommar made. Buy healthy juice and make your own pops. Get creative with it. A yummy homemade popsicle I make for my toddler - plain greek yogurt, peanut butter, water (to thin it out) and diced strawberries or raspberries.
Get her involved in making her own snack mix - nuts, popcorn, freeze dried fruit, pretzels, whole grain cereal. Keep it on hand. If she likes to snack throughout the day, ease her into a rotation of healthy snack choices. Anything diced up interesting and offered with a dip other than ranch. Hummus can be made a lot of different ways. Black bean hummus is a favorite with my toddler.
It will take time and work, but you can give her the tools to navigate this in another direction. Unfortunately, you cannot control or fret about her diet outside of your home. If she sways, just look it as her "free-eating" time, sticking to conscious healthy with you and DH. No matter what, it cannot be made to feel she's on a diet.
In regard to exercise, avoid getting her involved in a high energy sport. Have you considered maybe martial arts?
"Avocado chocolate cake with
"Avocado chocolate cake with fresh raspberries on top". Jasper, may I have the recipe? On of my SDs is a Coeliac and this sounds likea great addition to my book
4'11'' and weighs about 121
4'11'' and weighs about 121 lbs. mmm, about 25-30 lbs overweight. That is a lot for young girl.
Maybe suggest she drink water before mealtime to curb overeating. this helps fill the tummy and she won't eat as much.
Not really sure what to say as I don't really have experience with this but definately get her some help. Get her active!
Also allow only healthy snacks - she can have as many carrot or celery sticks as she wants. Have an apple for a snack etc. etc.
Please don't shame her for over-eating as she could develop serious mental health issues down the road.
Thanks
Thanks
All good advice here. The
All good advice here. The only other thing is that individual needs can differ quite a bit. I've learned, for example, that I need to eat more protein, and more often, than "average."
A good 'tell' is WHEN she's hungry. For me, when I'm hungry at the end of the day, it's because I haven't eaten enough throughout the day. Maybe I skipped a snack, or maybe I didn't consume a protein at each snack /meal.
I cannot do a low-carb diet either. If my total carbs are too low, I get angry, tearful, and soooooooo hungry I can't avoid bingeing.