I am new to this site. And I have been reading through other blogs from other stepmoms. The truth is that I am not technically a stepparent yet. I live with my DF. We were planning to marry in November 2014, but I am very hesitant to go forward. The truth is that I have two bio kids, a 7 year old son and a 2 year old daughter. I love them to pieces and being their mom has never been a challenge. But, my DF comes with two stepdaughters of his own, ages 9 and 7. I have met both of the kids numerous times, as DF and I were friends before we ever dated. In many ways, I feel sorry for the two girls. Their mom, who we refer to as CAB (Crazy Ass B****) when they are around, is a lazy, trashy woman. She sits at home all day with her 5 kids and collects welfare and child support checks. She married a man that we call BigWeirdo. The two of them are the sorriest excuses for parents. My DF loves his daughters but CAB tried to remove them from his life by filing an order of protection against him that alleges he hit her. This was years ago. But, it has had lasting effects. SD7 did not see her dad for almost the first whole year of her life because of it. And I think it has scarred her. She is a very shy child, almost too shy. She hides under furniture and will not talk to you if you say something to her. Plus, she is whiny. DF has always just given in to his daughters because he feels such guilt for missing out on their lives.

The problem is that I don't know what type of stepkids they will be because we have spent almost zero quality time with them. DF moved three states away from them for work. And of course, CAB sits on fat lazy butt and complains that he abandoned his children. She fills their head with all this garbage about how he chose me over them. But its amazing, she never complains about the larger child support checks that she receives b/c he makes twice the money he was making. She tells the kids all kinds of b/s about how he doesn't want to see them, which is funny b/c we drove 1,000 miles once a month for the entire summer b/c she wouldn't let him bring the kids to our house. Luckily, the courts finally stepped in and granted us summers and holiday visitation time. The problem is that all of this weighs on DF. And in the little time I have spent with him and the stepkids, I have noticed something that bothers me. SD7 uses his guilt to get whatever she wants. She plays this shy act and whines so that he will baby her. And he feels so guilty that he does it! I have spoken to him about not spoiling the girls so much and how he needs to encourage them to be more independent. And, he does it with SD9, but he just can't seem to stop with SD7. It scares me b/c I have spent so little time in her company but I already see this being a major problem. SD7 clings to her dad at all times and refuses to go and play with other kids. I don't think she is going to adjust well to visits in another state. And, I know with time I am going to become upset about the behavior.

So that brings me to today. We have both SDs for Christmas break. And, we have my kids as well. And, I am watching closely to see what behaviors are exhibited and how DF deals with them. My DF and I have a good relationship and we have discussed the issues with the girls and how he needs to stop letting them guilt him into letting them get away with everything. I told him today that I want to take a step back from wedding planning to see how the holidays and summer goes. I don't want to move forward until I know we can make things work. I have my two bio kids to worry about. And I can't be a good mom to them if I am stressed about this. And also, I am worried about the bad example set by SDs. My DF is upset about it. He says he will keep working with them. But the truth is, I don't see things getting better with SD7. She has him and his entire family wrapped around her finger. And my family is really taken back because it doesn't seem normal that she would be that shy and that sneaky. So do I tell him the truth or do I just wait and see what happens? I am so confused. Some advice from other stepmoms would be appreciated. I am sorry this is such a long, rambling message but I needed to work all this out. Thanks for reading.