Everyone is back from vacation
Dh took his kids to Disney/Universal and "surprise" spent most of the money in our savings account. Yep. He said since it was him who put the money in, he could spend it how he wished. Fine.That money was supposed to be for a family vacation. I guess bs and I aren't family. I told dh I wanted to separate finances and he said okay. We sat down and divided the bills. Don't worry I am only paying mine and bs fair share. Of coarse dh still has a boatload of money and I will have next to nothing but I am paying our way and that is what counts. Bs went on vacation with his fathers family and had a great time. He is upset that they went to Disney and Universal without us. Sd of coarse posted pictures all over her social media and bs was forced to see how much fun they had without him. He is heart broken and doesn't understand why he is no longer a part of dhs family. I've set up a counseling appointment for bs but they have nothing till the end of October so we are waiting on that. I thought about leaving since bs is struggling so much but my in life friends tell me I am over reacting. I don't know. I am just so hurt it has come down to separate finances and bs being left out of things.
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I am just going to copy and
I am just going to copy and paste what I did on one of your other blogs.......
"IMHO…your DH is abusing your son. Shame on you if you let it go on for ONE more minute."
Shame on you.
That is what I was thinking
That is what I was thinking but my in life friends insist he isn't. They say I am to protective of bs and dh doesn't have to love him. I can't help but wonder if I sway your opinion towards mine because I am upset but my in - life friends aren't. I don't know.
You probably are too
You probably are too protective of your son and no your DH doesn't have to love your son. Yep, probably right on both counts.
HOWEVER, just because your DH doesn't love your son, doesn't mean he gets to use him as a pawn/weapon to get back at you.
Now, you may have started it by disengaging with his kids.
To be honest, I don't see why two people would want to be together when they apparently want nothing to do with the children of their SO. (each others). How can that ever be a pleasant household?
I would never put my child
I would never put my child through that for a man.
Crackergirl, have I ever
Crackergirl, have I ever mentioned to you that I am really good at winning tickets on the radio? We were at Universal not this past weekend but the weekend before that. We were at Disney the weekend of the 10th. We were at Sea World and Aquatica this past weekend.
I win all the time. I won all those tickets and more. I am a contest winning fool! Tuesday I won $100 cash for the Classic Rock Artist of the Day. Wednesday I won $105 for a secret sound contest. THursday I won four Busch Gardens Hallo Scream tickets. Yesterday I got caller 1 and 5 for Halloween Horror Night tickets. I'm going to win . I have won a good 15 to twenty times this past year.
If you son wants to go and if you guys can drive down here to Florida where I live, I can win you some tickets!
and I second Willow. I don't like your DH
That would rock! Let me know
That would rock! Let me know if you get any and I will see if we can come!!!
I'll pay you to teach me HOW
I'll pay you to teach me HOW to win NOWIRE...LOL, how kind of you....
Crackergirl, he is not your son's father-true, but the man is gas lighting an ugly situation in his own home, just to prove he can or get back at you, or something. Regardless, his actions will divide the children and you. Why do you need this? Why would anybody want to live like this? I would plan to move on and find a more peaceful, less chaotic existence away from this mess.
You and your son will be much happier doing your own thing; heck--you already are.... If you get your own place you won't have to deal with his one-sided decisions -put in your face--just to make HIS kids happy and/or teach you some lesson or pay you back for something you did.
How ridiculous and childish.
If you leave, you will be happier and so will your son.
Since all the finances are being SPLIT evenly now, I think there should be a surcharge for sex, as well.
This all came out of you
This all came out of you wanting to disengage from his kids. So, he went tit for tat right back at you.
All the kids are suffering from it including yours.
BTW, the reason why he will have more money is because he earns more right? I mean, did you think you were entitled to a portion of his income? Again, you cast the first stone with your disengagement.. he followed suit.
I don't see how it can be much of a relationship if everyone's goal is to hurt each other.
Yes he earns more. I am not
Yes he earns more. I am not upset about that. I was just pointing out that I didn't think through separating finances. I am once again on the losing end.
The decision on what type of
The decision on what type of home and standard of living arrangement should be agreed upon in advance too.
If they decided to buy a home that has her share at a higher level than what she is able to reasonably contribute, they need to take a look at what a reasonable contribution will be for that home.. or decide to buy within her ability to contribute.
If he already owned a home and she is to move in, she needs to be clear up front what portion of rent/mortgage and expenses she is willing and able to contribute to the household.
Every situation will be different. There isn't any one size solution to splitting financial (and other) responsibilities. Both people should feel that they are being given a fair shake though.
I just mean she should have
I just mean she should have has the convoy re her household contributions before they moved in togethet. It's a different thing from separate finances
I love my husband and
I love my husband and normally things are good. This all started when I refused to help with his kids. I know I hurt him and he is just hurting me back and we are in a viscous cycle. It wasn't always like this and we can fix it. I just got to figure out how.
It sounds like your DH is
It sounds like your DH is giving you exactly what you are asking for in a nice and mean way. You wanted to disengage from his kids so he said 'sure' and it cost your son a relationship with him. You said you didn't want to go on vacation with him and his kids so he said 'okay' and went off and had a good time without you (who chose to stay put because your son was off somewhere with his dad's family). You said you wanted split finances and he said 'sure' and your comment about you being barely able to get by makes me think you're a little resentful about that but this is what you wanted. This is all what you wanted, These are the consequences of the choices you've made and sure, yeah, he should be more considerate of your child's feelings but have you stopped to think that HIS kids have feelings too? And if you're okay with hurting their feelings and making them feel like you don't care about them, then why should he go out of his way to worry about your child's feelings? Sure he is an asshole. But you are both playing games and both hurting each other in this ridiculous version of marriage stalemate where you'd rather make each other miserable instead walking away so that neither one of you gets the blame as the "quitter."
Marriage is a partnership,
Marriage is a partnership, two people working together.
I get that you disengaged from his kids, however, he asked you for a favor in an emergency and you just wouldn't do it. He then decided to do the same thing to you when you needed him. Are you guys disengaging from each others kids or from each other?
Now, you are separating finances, which is all well and good, a lot of people have separate finances but it's being done in a divisive way.
Your husband is being an ass to you and your son, your family is crumbling, but your friends think you are overreacting?
From a distance it looks to
From a distance it looks to me like your DH is done with you - but he doesn't have the balls to ask you to leave. So he's just going to keep doing stuff to make you miserable enough so you will go without his having to be the "bad guy".
He's going to keep escalating this stuff.
When you say you are now
When you say you are now splitting the finances, are you splitting everything 50/50? My SO and I split the bills but I make more than him so I pay 58% of the total light bill, house gas bill, etc. and he pays 42%. Is this something you can opt for to make it more fair for both of you?
Hello
Hello
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EHRPh9srbjE
I am sorry you handled it
I am sorry you handled it totally wrong.....
it's one thing to disengage from skids but it's totally different thing to become vindictive. And sorry Cracker but you passed that line IMO
You are Bs parent you simply could've said to BS - but my boy, you went on holiday with your Dad's family, why can't skids go on holiday with their family? Kiddo the world does not revolve around you, sometimes in life things might not seem fair to you but deal with it...
Instead you are flaming his anger about how dreadful DH was taking his kids to Disney...DH did ask him and he said NO..
I see no way how you will ever repair this marriage, no way at all, you might as well file for divorce and get it over with, but this is not a way to raise children in a home