I had an exit strategy and I may be doing it this week!
I was going to wait after the holidays, blah, blah, blah, but after last night, I'm thinking screw it all, tonight sounds good to begin a new chapter in my life and kick SO to the curb!

I am estranged from my mother, we haven't spoken in about 3 months. Our relationship has been dysfunctional since I was a kid. It's a long sordid history. She has severe emotional issues, I'm thinking somewhere around the NPD/BPD range, she exhibits signs of both. She has been very ill with lupus for years. She was recently diagnosed with lung cancer, and that's when bat-shit crazy REALLY ramped up.
The final straw was a lie that she told, just another one of many lies, but it was so nasty and deliberate and obvious, AND involved my younger brother, so I finally put my foot down and said enough, I wasn't going to take anymore of it. Sick or not, she is a devious, manipulative, liar who thrives on drama and is trying to drive a wedge between my brother and I.

I started writing notes and letters to Mom about a month ago. Nothing too heavy, just "hello, thinking of you, love Daughter." Sent a very nice Thanksgiving Day card and a Christmas card. Nothing but crickets, which I expected. Nothing for my 40th birthday, also expected.

My aunts know about the situation, I emailed MA (matriarch aunt) a few weeks ago asking how Mom was and never heard back. I thought I maybe she switched email addresses or something, but I got an Xmas card from MA and it said "received your email and will respond" which I thought was a little odd, but OK whatever. I called MA on Christmas and found out that Mom has been in the hospital for the last 4 days (vomiting from chemo) and my other aunt (OA) flew into MomsTown to be with her on Christmas! MA said that they are taking "Mom's side." Her words verbatim.
She was understanding of my situation, but apparently no matter how crappy someone treats you, the GUBM status rules over all, especially since she is very sick, possibly dying.
Now I'm sure I probably sound very cold-hearted, my mother is very sick, possibly dying, and I'm not there by her side. Well I HAVE been there, for years and years, alternating as her punching bag/doormat and I have had ENOUGH!!! I will not sacrifice my own health and happiness for anyone, not even my own mother. She hasn't been a Mom to me for years, really, just a tool for her to manipulate and use for her own selfish purposes.

So I get off the phone with MA, and I'm upset and crying. SO does not provide any comfort or support and I called him on it. He says, "I told you that you would regret this, so why should I be comforting you?"

WHY am I in this relationship????? What am I getting out of it?????
Comfort or support? NO
Companionship? Not really.....being an every-other-weekend or so girlfriend isn't my idea of a companion.
Financial security? NO, he makes TWICE what I make and is in a HORRIBLE financial mess. It makes me sick really.....to see how much money he makes, but STILL cannot manage his budget.

Sitting there on the couch last night, with tears rolling down my face and SO sitting at the opposite end of the couch, defiantly refusing to offer me comfort, with this smug, "I told you so" look on his face???? Hells to the no. Jerk.