Need help - EH and DH being idiots!
I am leaving town for a few days to go visit my best friend in another state. This is during part of the time when BS would be with me because his BD (EH) normally has to work those days and can't take him. I first asked my EH to arrange his schedule to take him. He's not been able to do it and says he may have to call in sick for 3 days (which, he has no problem doing). EH already pays less than 1/3 of the required child support (lately it's been about $100 per month) so him calling in sick would affect ME!
Ending in a big fight...I asked my DH if BS could stay home for a couple of the days so EH doesn't have to call in sick. DH said he would do it IF BD calls him and makes arrangements through him. He doesn't think I should be making the arrangments and I'm only trying to cater to EH. He thinks I'm playing 'middle-man'
I explained that as a mom, I want to know where my son is going to be while I'm gone. DH said, well, he's either going to be with him or BD so if I'm ok with either one, what's the problem? THAT'S THE PROBLEM!
EH doesn't want to talk to DH. EH is an idiot I know. But why can't I make these arrangements for my son? I want to know where my son is 24/7. Period.
I certainly would not want to 'make arrangments' with DH's ex wife if they were unavailable and needed me to watch SS. I married him and will make arrangements with HIM, NOT HIS EX WIFE! Why does he insist EH make arrangement with him and feel the need to let EH know he's doing HIM a favor. Isn't it more a favor for ME?
He knows EH doesn't want DH to watch him so he wants EH to have to ASK! I don't think EH will ask so whatever... I know my son will be fine and I know where he will be. EH will call in sick. Fine. So, why is this bothering me? (Other than for financial reasons)?
I am leaving in 2 days and will be gone for 6 days. We've never been apart in 4 1/2 years and I'm so mad at DH I don't even want to talk to him. How do I fix this before I go?
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Comments
It sounds to me like your DH
It sounds to me like your DH is being controlling. You should be able to make these arrangments for your son. I also agree that you DH should view it as a favor to you and not to your XH.
Just my opinion.
Kay
Thanks for the validation
Thanks for the validation Kay2!
Well, I thought I'd give it another shot and I just sent the below email to DH...
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My love, I am really struggling with our talk last night and really having some strong opinions and a couple things I need to say that may or may not help you understand but still my feelings nonetheless...
You said that you would be doing EH a favor by watching BS... I believe you are doing ME a favor, not EH. We are the ones married. I am the one asking you to watch BS. I am not asking you on behalf of EH. I am asking you on behalf of ME!
You said that I was being controlling by trying to make the arrangements of where MY son is going to be while I'm gone. If that is controlling to you then fine. To me, I am his mother and that is what mothers SHOULD do. Mother's control where there kids go. Period.
I feel that YOU are being controlling by insisting that YOU and EH handle this. I find that completely inappropriate. As his parents, I think it's appropriate that I discuss where our son should be with his dad. If I want BS with you and EH agrees, then you should make the arrangements with ME and that will be between me and you. You are my husband and I am your wife and all arrangements should be between US. Not you and someone else.
For future reference, if for some reason, you are not available some day and BM cannot take SS and you would like me to watch SS, DO NOT have BM call me to make arrangements. I will make arrangements with you before you leave. I will not be making them with BM. Once you leave, I don't expect to hear from BM. You are my husband. If I agree, it's because I want to help YOU, not BM. The favor would be for YOU regardless of who was supposed to have SS at that time I only make arrangement with my husband and not ex-wives. Conversely, I expect you to make arrangements with your wife, not ex-husbands.
Just how I see it.
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