First Friday
So BM has been talking about getting the kids back a week early. Apparently grandma called to talk to the kids and was saying she'd be picking them up Friday. So SO contacted BM asking what was up.
She's trying to say that the Friday he was suppose to pick up the kids counted as the first week which is of course wrong. I say supposed to because it was her year for Memorial Day so he picked them up that Monday. Their agreement clearly states he gets then from the Friday after school let out to the 6th Friday after. Now if she wants to go against the agreement that's one thing but to try and play with the wording like that is really annoying. He of course is not going to let her take them early. It went through the lawyers that he would be keeping them the 6 weeks. I have requested he have the kids out of the house for the few hours that grandma might try to come get them just so we don't have any issues here. He can figure out what to do.
On a good note we already have a meeting with the lawyer this week. I say we because he's requested we both come in. He's done this before when she's sent questions directly relating to me. SO did tell me that BM is pushing for the settlement to happen asap which is different from her normal delays to respond so fingers crossed all that will be done soon.
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If May 26th was the first
If May 26th was the first Friday after school got out, then Friday, June 30th would be the sixth Friday after that (after school got got).
When an agreement uses stupid language, it leaves the people fighting over stupid things.
May 26th-1st Friday June
May 26th-1st Friday
June 2nd-2nd
June 9th-3rd
June 16th-4th
June 23-5th
June 30th-6th
The paper states that she got
The paper states that she got them from the Friday before memorial day till late memorial day evening so he couldn't pick them up that Friday as it was her time.
It just happened that that Friday was the first Friday after school ended and was the Memorial day weekend.
The paperwork states that he is to get them for a 6 week period starting the Friday after school ends and ending the following 6th Friday. Not The 6th Friday after school. He isn't trying to adjust for her getting them that weekend.
She is trying to say the 6th Friday after is this week because she believes the Friday he picked them up should count as the first which would then cut it to only 5 weeks. So ignoring the hoilday he would have picked them up May 26th. The following 6th Friday after that is July 7th and would be a full 6 weeks.
The agreement is full of
The agreement is full of loose language and there is likely a section that explains how the differences in regular, holiday and summer extended smoothly transpires.
Had it been your SO's Memorial Day, he would have gotten them the 26th. However, the order states summer begins the first Friday school gets out, which was also the 26th. Both holidays and summer schedules are trumping factors in a court order ...anyone who allowed the double speak you say yours contains sat themselves up for misinterpretation and a trip back to court to clarify and modify the language.
*shrugs* Your guy is determined to learn the hard way. I would also start questioning the worth of the lawyers you all are using...one hand doesn't seem to know what the other hand is doing. I predict this is but one of the nonsense you'll find throughout the entire parenting plan currently under process.
The wording is clear. He
The wording is clear. He picks them up on the Friday after school and the following 6th Friday is when he returns them. That means the first Friday is not one of those Fridays as it is unable to follow itself. It also very clearly states he gets 6 weeks. Of course it's minus those two holidays if they fall in that time frame.
She's going as far as trying to say she gets them for the 4th of July though the paperwork clearly states he gets then on odd years.
The argument isn't over him trying to make up for the missed days over Memorial Day. He understands those are lost just like he would lose out on 4th of July if it were an even year. He's not trying to keep them 3 extra days he just wants to and will keep them the week he should.
Also the advice that he should just give up a week worth of time with his kids is a joke
She does this for every hoilday so yeah it's a bit of a continued annoyance. It bothers him so that impacts me. We see the lawyer tomorrow so it's an easy fix of having him clarify to her lawyer since she refuses to listen to SO and is trying to agure with him again over what is clearly stated in their agreement.
And what happens when her
And what happens when her lawyer does not agree with your lawyer's interpretation? Once again, your lawyer 's opinion of a written sentence does not overrule her lawyer's opinion of the same sentence.
Unless the lawyers actually agree, you're back to square one.
FWIW, with both Memorial Day and Fourth of July occurring in the summer, along with one beginning and the other roughly ending during what is supposedly extended summer visitation, it makes more sense to go odd and even for both holidays and make both of these holidays one day events. That way Dad misses two days every other year and can add language for those two days of his summer visitation be added to the end of his period so he gets a full 42 days.
I disagree. The wording
I disagree. The wording clearly states he is to get 6 weeks starting the Friday after school is out and ending the following 6th Friday and in that order. 1) he gets 6 weeks, 2) it starts Friday after school, 3) it ends 6 Fridays later. How else is he suppose to word it? Honestly what advice do you give?
BM will fight him over trying to change up the hoilday as she already fights him over every hoilday that is his. Like I wrote back on Easter. The paperwork clearly stated he gets them for Easter on odd years from 9 in the morning to 5 in the evening on Sunday. On even years of it is his weekend he is to return the children by 9 AM. She tired to say that meant he had to return the children by 9 this year.
This isn't a agreement they came up with. This is the standard agreement that the courts will use and have used for many other cases. If they can't agree then this is what would most likely be used. She is choosing to be petty. Instead of accepting he gets them 6 weeks she is going to drag it out by him having to find just the prefect wording. Maybe if he just leave sit at he gets them 6 weeks starting the Friday after school let's out?
He isn't upset about not getting them for Memorial Day or losing them next year for the 4th of July. Its the same as him having to return them early his weekend for Mothers Day and getting them no matter what on Fathers Day. He doesn't get make up time for them and in the long run it equals out. This isn't about a 2 days one way or the other. It's about a whole week.
And just like she can refuse to give them back to him until the case is done he can do it too but it hurts either of them's case of they do that as neither of them has a real reason to do it other than hurting the other partner. The judge should look at who is more likely to follow the custody agreement and use that to decide who gets primary. If she refuses him the kids just to get back st him then it brings into question if she will do it in the future.
He wants 42 days. Whether he
He wants 42 days. Whether he wants them consecutively or perhaps two 3 week stunts could be optional. Many NCP put in their summer request by a certain date each year.
You are paying a lawyer, surely the lawyer can put into writing a coherent section under extended summer visitation with both Dad's request of 42 days and working around any summer holidays (which should be one day events). The only real standard is wording on when description of summer begins and typically ends (one week before school reopens).
There are examples all over the internet that SO could view prior to working with the lawyer to put it in writing. That's what SO is paying a lawyer for, to look these things over, give their professional well practiced opinion and thoughts of success if it were going to court. The most, at this point, BM can do is counter it and your lawyer and SO decide if her counter is workable or whether a direct attempt with yet another counter offer to BM is needed.
From what I've gotten from your posts, is that this isn't even happening in mediation , just lawyers swapping proposals back and forth?
BM has refused the request
BM has refused the request for mediation.
They started this process in January. SO wanted to work it out between them without going to court to fight. She made ridiculous demands at the start.
For example she wanted him to voluntarily agree he would have no legal rights to the children. She tried claiming he was too unsafe. But she still wanted him to have the kids ever other weekend. So he can't take the kids to the doctor but he can phsycailly have then? Of course he didnt agree and countered by sending her lawyer some very revealing photos BM had been posting on an adult site that accourding to him one of his coworkers found. Now who found them doesn't matter as much as her first lawyer dropped her.
After that new lawyer was playing catch up for a few weeks while BM continued to attack and flat out lie. Stuff like demanding SO admit he was having sex with my male roommate and that he was refusing to see the children which I for a fact know is wrong.
They spent the next few months going back and forth with questions about home life, Work, money, ect. BM would dodge some question and basicly delayed responding as long as she could. By May though the main agurment was over martial assests and insurance. By his lawyers calculations BM owed SO around 3000 and together they needed to short out some old debt.
During this time SO preventivly took parenting classes and anger management since there was some hint they would demand that.
SO's lawyer than took a vacation. Shortly before lawyer returns BM messages SO stating she has sent a settlement agreement. Last week SO looked at it with lawyer. They still need to work out insurance. She wants him to take it but his works insurance is horrible so he has request to compare with what she already has. He is willing to help cover cost but wants to find out which helps them both. For example his has a deductible of 3500 before insurance pays. Hers may be less. Don't know but it think it's reasonable for them to look at it.
She is also demanding he cover some dental cost that she refused to tell him about and wants to do more work on the kids this year despite having burned through the insurance. He honestly can't afford the extra and she is flat out lying about what it is for. He called the dentist. Through the lawyer she claims one thing and that he must pay upfront but it doesn't match what the dentist says. It's on a baby tooth also so SO is considering other options. It could wait until the insurance refreshes next year. Also since she refused to communicate with him over the child's dental work back in January and didn't send receipts for months so he couldn't even find out who the dentist was is it right for him to have to cover? Whatever they need to sort it out.
But lawyer called and is telling SO that BM wants to settle NOW. SO wants to work out those details before doing so but if she has decided to accept keeping insurance and has removed the attempt to claim dental cost then maybe he will. I don't know. Before her change of heart he and lawyer were starting to work up the case to go to court. Since she is wanting to settle then if they can work things out then great. If not then after whatever gets decided tomorrow gets sent to her to look at she may demand to go to court. Point is now she's coming to the table and being reasonable. There are minor details that could take less than a week of back and forth if they work together. Lawywr has offered to meet together to work them out in person in one meeting but she is refusing so there is a delay.
I'd be very tempted to put
I'd be very tempted to put down my last and final offer. She either takes it or court here we come.
She knows he doesn't want to go to court due to cash limits. Thus her games, she has nothing to fear.
Have SO's lawyer get down what he wants for summer (don't forget he also wants regular EOWE tp kick in after his/or around his summer 42 days). Hand it to her.
You do know , right, that SO could have an orgy on his non-skid times and it's none of her business?
SO is willing to go to court
SO is willing to go to court if he hits a dead end but like I said BM is finally worming towards the end. She's stopped the petty crap. I mean one time she went through the lawyers to demand he return a coat he didn't have. That was really annoying because after waiting 3 weeks that was the only thing she sent which restarted the waiting game. Now she's actually responding and being reasonable through the lawyers.
Her messages to him are a different matter.
It's cheaper for him not to go to court if all they need to work out is whose insurance the kids are on and the question about dental debt. Like I said he doesn't know which insurance is better. Is it wrong for him to try and find out? We meet with the lawyer tomorrow we'll see what happens. If she refuses to give the information then fine go to court and let a judge decide but if he's going to court then he's going for full. The reason he doesn't try now is he truly believes in about 3 years she'll either "dump" the kids on him or if he waits he will be able to build a better case. Right now it's pretty weak and built alot on he said she said. Sure there's some school records and messages from her but again weak.
He has a deal with his lawyer. Basicly the lawyer is working for free at this point IF they stay out of court but he also understands that it's time to just do it. If BM shows any more resistance they will go to court. If that's the case then might as well go for full since it's not much extra work.
The rest is already in the paperwork which she was the orignal one to submit. She just needs to sit down read it and except it.
The first part of visitation states that he gets them every other weekend from 5PM Friday to 5PM Sunday. That's it. It says nothing about only during school. So that is on going. There's no need to clarify that.
It then spells out holidays. Which ones are on even or odd years and when they start or end. They trump whoever's weekend it is.
Then there's summer which states that he gets a 6 week block starting x. She seems to think she gers the same though it states nothing to that effect and she has not gone through the lawyer to request it. She seems to think he will just let it happen just like she thought he would only keep son for 2 weeks despite the paperwork say he gets both kids for 6. She's still trying to control him but when he doesn't give in she backs down. Just the same over Easter. She knows she's wrong.
As for going back to every other weekend that is the standing order it would return to that after his 6 weeks are up.
Now yes all this isn't worth the paper it's printed on but from her behavior once he stands his ground it seems she's been warned not to do anything drastic. Like I said if she withholds the kids he can use that against her in court since she has no reason to do so other than being mean to him. If she denies him his time as they have agreed through the paper work that's it. He will be filing for a court date.
He will not get full
He will not get full custody.
Sometimes, when you're personally involved, allllllllll the "evidence" you THINK you have pointing to how terrible and awful BM is... well it's really nothing. Pics from a dating site. Nothing. What you think are these big bad lies and omissions on discovery docs. The judge sees as nothing. Blah blah blah.
They don't like listening to bs and tit for tat in family court. These long winded diatribes and defending and finger pointing will, quite likely, tick a judge off.
Didn't your boyfriend move away from his kids? Doesn't he refuses his midweek visits?
Full custody for your boyfriend won't happen.
I agree. Judges don't like
I agree. Judges don't like petty things. They focus on essentials. Not seeing kids in the middle of the week for no good reason and moving away for no good reason will be enough for a judge to absolutely not support full custody for the father.
And I recommend stop bringing up BMs dating. Although I personally would never visit adult site let alone post pics, it doesn't mean that those who do (in their own free time) are unfit parents. Judges don't care about stuff like that.