Found out something new
I was recently told something that I’m having trouble believing BUT the person who told me has experienced this.
Apparently at least in our state an NCP who is paying child support can demand records from the CP to show how that money was spent. That only 1/3 of the child support may go towards housing expenses; I can remember if that included just rent or also bills like electric and water. That yes the list of other acceptable uses is long including food, clothing, recreation, transportation, medical / education, and child care expenses BUT if the CP uses any of it on themselves be it clothing, alcohol, whatever then they are required to return that amount to the NCP.
Now I know this is something that would be a fight in court and you wouldn’t do over just a few dollars BUT apparently our state does have recourse if CP is CLEARLY not using it to provide for the kids.
As I said the source of this information is someone I believe.
A. Their job is one where they would know this sort of thing.
B. They did use this in court and win.
Again I recognize that this isn’t going to be something easy to do but it’s big to know. BM in our case is getting bad again about not having the kids at all. They are staying at Grandpa’s and he is providing all care as well as transportation to and from school while BM is partying it up with guys all weekend.
This is just one more tool we can use in the future.
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As you choose not to reveal
As you choose not to reveal your state to review the statutes of said state, I assume whatever you are now speaking of has more to do with the custodial parent also receiving govt assistance aka supplemented (rent assistance for example).
It would have more to do with paying back the over allowance than the actual child support. One such example would be someone renting. Landlord not accepting more than x amount of CS to count towards what the applicant can afford in rent. Or second example, govt supplemented housing, with CS pushing CP over the threshold. Not a case where the person who literally hand the CS back to the CS paying parent.
In all states housing is a perfectly suitable means to use CS.
Being your partner is currently not paying any CS, I don't see how , at this point, the tidbit would be useful to you.
A basic example to draw from, would be a early retired social security person (retired before full retirement age). They are allowed to earn x amount per year on top of their social security amount. If they work part time and earn over the amount allowed, the social security check is slashed to accommodate the 'over earnings'.
I suggest before you get too excited over what your friend told you, you extremely carefully review your states laws (on all fronts, including child support and public assistance guidelines).
This has nothing to do with
This has nothing to do with government assistance. Purely BMs use of CS. BM can only use 1/3 of CS on rent. The other 2/3s must directly to to supporting the kids such as clothing and food. If BM isn't using it for that, say she never has them and NCP is buying all the clothes, then she can be forced to repay it.
It's not easy to prove she's not. Like I said. But we know BM has a habit of leaving the kids for weeks in end with her family and telling them not to tell us.
Why should she get money she is then using to go drink on?
The only way I can see this
The only way I can see this really working is if it were GROSSLY obvious, like CP doesn't have a job or income outside CS and government assurance, but has a $500/mo car payment and $300/mo student loan debt on $1,000 of CS and NCP can show they are paying above and beyond what is required through CS because CP "can't provide". Even then, I'd rather see courts change custody versus asking a CP to pay back money that they won't ever have to pay back.
If BM is working and getting court-calculated CS, you're going to have a hard time proving that she is t spending CS on the kids. All she has to state is "parental preference" on how she dresses her kids, why she doesn't get them haircuts, etc. Unless they are being criminally neglected, I don't see how this works or why a court wouldn't simply switch custody to the "better" parent.
But even some of that can be
But even some of that can be counted as being needed for the kids. A car payment- transportation for the kids, sure she uses it for personal things as well but she could have "less" if is weren't for the kids. Same with Rent, groceries, clothes, etc. It would be very hard to prove that she wasn't spending the $ directly on the kids unless the CS was some insane amount and she didn't work, like lieutenant dad stated.
To me, this isn't even a fight worth having. My ex tired to get me to turn in receipts once, the judge told him no. Unless the kids are going without- food, clothes or shelter from BM, don't worry about it. It isn't worth the struggle and stress. NOW, if the kids are going without food, clothes or shelter- ABSOLUTELY go to court and prove she is an unfit/incapable mother.
Our BM tried making dh pay
Our BM tried making dh pay for repairs, gas, insurance for the car she uses (which USED to be DH's - he signed it over to her) claiming it was for SS.
Considering ss's daycare/school is only a few blocks away, I told DH that she could suck it up and walk or take the bus, like every other parent who can't afford a car.
He was ready to pay it, bcause after all his poopsie couldn't walk 3 blocks in the cooooolddd.... but I convinced him not to.
We don't share finances, so it's entirely possible he pays for it behind my back, but he'd better not be because he knows I would leave over it.
That's crazy!!! I guess
That's crazy!!!
I guess though, if someone has to turn in receipts for everything that they used child support for though, car repairs could be factored in. I can't imagine asking or demanding your ex to pay for those directly though!!
I can't, either. People
I can't, either.
People should live within their means, not within their ex's means.
You weren't around here back
You weren't around here back in the Medusa days, but here is what I call MedusaMath...
She would add up everysinglepenny she spent in a month. Car payment, car insurance, gas, food, clothes, maintenance, you name it. She would then divide it by 4 (herself and three skids) and then DEMAND that DH pay her that on top of the CS. Oh, how we laughed and laughed and laughed.
Of course, this is also the woman who told the Judge that she would take advantage of her parenting time if he ordered DH to pay her gas money.
Common Wealth implemented
Common Wealth implemented those rules about CS and most countries works like that....
On Mars, if you request higher CS, you have to proof that you need it for the child, if you enrolled your child into a private school the judge will say, the other parent is covering 50% of public school, it's fine, your kid does not need to go to private school you pay the rest.
Accommodation for the kid is calculated on 1 bedroom, if you rent a 3 bedroom house and wants a bigger house cause there's more children, the judge simply will say - it's not the fathers problem, he's paying still one bedroom for his child, thus a COD may never share a bedroom,
etc.
If CP deposits child support
If CP deposits child support check to her regular bank account it’s going to be very hard to prove what is spent on what. It’s going to be hard to prove that when kids are at grandpa she isn’t helping out with this or that so kids have what they need when they stay at grandpas. It would be impossible to prove that she uses CS on going out versus men she dates paying for her meals or drinks.
All this suing for return of CS will cost you ton of money. Your SO had no money for divorce proceedings and doesn’t even have bank account, how is he going to afford lawyers to sue for return of CS? Plus why do you worry what might or might not happen who knows when. He isn’t even paying CS. I’d worry about how he is going to pay CS and arrears. Not how to sue to get that nonexistent money back.
I'm not sorry you can seem to
I'm not sorry you can seem to understand about how he is paying CS since as I've explained it repeatedly. She's just not getting it until it can go through the state system as is standard for our state.
The judge already approved the way CS is being handled right now and my partner has it saved. She will get it in full when the divorce is done and he can start the account through the state as is required here. Maybe of she had not lied and gotten caught she'd be getting it already but what he's doing has been approved and she agreed to it.
The state gives the CP two options of either a debt card type system which is easy to track use of or direct deposit. Consider how you can request reciptes OR bank records it won't be hard to see if she goes and spends 300 for a night of drinking as she has in the past to the point she didn't pay rent again. Add her habit of blackmailing him for cash or else he doesn't see the kids.
We are paying our lawyer though it helps that I know him personally and am getting a good discount. He already knows we'll be going back to court for custody change so he will tack it on then. It's just one more thing as I said.
I'm not sitting here rubbing my hands thinking about this alone. I'm not concerned about things I don't need to be.
No, medical neglect, blackmail, contempt of the court, the child's request, miss use of child support, instability in her home, being left for days if not weeks in a home they don't even have beds in just to prevent their father from seeing them, all of this and more will be used to show the judge a custody change giving 50/50 atleast would be in the best interest.
She's already pushing away her oldest with her behavior. The moment grandpa dies she'll drop the kids on SO so she can keep partying as she's already shown she has a habit of.
It's all just parts of the puzzle.
I am not saying he will not
I am not saying he will not pay CS in the future. I am just saying it’s pointless to get worried or too excited about misuse of child support if he isn’t paying it yet.
50/50 is a good option but lots needs to happen re living arrangements first etc He’ll also need to explain to a judge why if BM is neglectful he moved so far away and why he opted against seeing kids in the middle of the week. You’d think dad would wouldn’t move away and limit time with kids if BM truly was horrid. We understand why and what happened but we on steptalk aren’t the ones making decisions. Courts will.
Bottom line is you’ll get high blood pressure if you keep agonizing about things that might or might not happen.
I'm not agonizing. I found
I'm not agonizing. I found out something new that I'll look into during my free time.
He moved to better provide for his children taking a job that allowed him to have a better home and income to provide for.thr children.
Without the custody order in place BM is in control and he was unable to move with the children.
The neglect is coming through refusing to follow doctors orders and it's not enough to call CPS.
It's all about putting it together. Were not going into court based on "she's dressing the kids in rags" but it's ok to keep records of it.
This is a long game for us. We hope to move in the next year to be within a better distance of their school but first he needs to get through the disability process.