Government assistance, bills, and Disneyland.
I've written before about how SO and the ex have some joint bills. Part of the divorce degree states how much each of them is responsible for. SO has the money put back to pay his part in full once this whole thing is done. What upsets us is knowing that BM will not pay her part which means these bills will continue to hurt my partner. As it is renting for him is difficult with any larger company because one of the debts is connected to rent so any time they do the background check they ding him on that. They don't care about the other's, just the rent.
Now of course SO can pay her part. That's perfectly ok. He can even send her the receipt and have her pay him back. I'm really holding my breath over here about that.
On top of this we found out that BM is now getting government assistance. That's ok. Honestly I don't care. If she qualifies for it and it helps out his kids then good for her.
But what makes me mad is guess who's going to California and Disneyland in a few months?
Maybe I'm wrong and BM will do the right thing and pay the bills she's suppose to. You know she's getting the tax benefit for the kids and she'll get a chunk of money for back child support. Should be more than enough to pay for the trip AND cover the bills.
Yeah I don't think so either. On top of it is knowing that SO was willing to actually cover more of the debt then he was required. He was willing to take the rent debt + xyz if she took bills abc. Would have saved her about 400 BUT had the one we're most worried about taken care of. Of course BM whined and cried trying to say that bills abc didn't exists and now it's all split down the middle.
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Don't spend your day all
Don't spend your day all angry or upset about whatever it is BM has or is going to do. It won't change a thing on her part and will only serve to give you a big pity party that turns your hair gray and raises your blood pressure long before your time.
While what she is doing may be 'mortally wrong' , there is nothing illegal in it. If she wants to blow her wad of cash windfall on a trip to Disney nothing stopping her from doing so. She certainly will not be the only parent taking themselves and kiddies off for some desired vacation on the back of tax payers. Between the child tax credit and the earned income credit, I imagine Disney will be quite busy this spring.
The thing of it is in your case, whatever is in that divorce decree on debt, is meaningless in the outside world. Sure, it says BM will pay blah blah blah and SO will pay xyz, but it doesn't matter. A debt is a debt regardless whether or not there has been a divorce and the creditors want their money. And the debt will be on both BM and your SO until it's cleared and very well haunt them long afterwards.
I don't have an issue with
I don't have an issue with the trip. What I care is that her defying the court order will continue to negatively impact my partner in terms of his very ability to get a place to live. It's not just morally wrong it is illegal when a judge orders you to pay which will be happening.
We've been trying to work out a Plan B to cover her refusal to pay if my partner does end up paying her part. He could legally sue her for what she would then owe him but that would most likely cost more than its worth.
The plan is for him to pay his child support and nothing outside of that until the difference is covered. If she comes to him with a receipt for X amount for a medical bill he will subtract that from what she owes him from paying her part of the debt. Receipts will be kept so it can be proven that the money is owed.
There is the question of if there is any way of having the debt split in half through the company it is owed to. His lawyer will be contacting them with the divorce decree and requesting that they divide it between both parties listed. They may say no but when offered half of the cost up front they may decide to take the chance since the debt is a few years old and they currently having seen a penny of it. This is a small local company which makes this a somewhat possibility unlike if it were a large nation wide company. It also helps them if they do decide to sue the parties since they will only have to focus on one party not both. I know its a pipe dream but it's worth the try and the worse they could do is say no.
Really what's funny is I'm actually happy that she got the assistance that we know of. It was the best thing for the kids and no matter who was primary I believe the both would be eligible. On top of that it helps out both parents, not just her.
I don't let this wreck my day but it's frustrating and this helps me get it out. It's cheaper to come here and gripe for a moment then linger in a therapist office with the frustration.
I know it sums... DH is
I know it sums... DH is paying about $500 a month on BM’s s*** she ion out in his name... The decree says that he only has to pay 50%... But we’ve never and probably never will see a penny... Because she defaulted on them they took stuff from his account... Were down almost 15k thanks to her... Plus DH got his at repoed (over night, MIL helped us bail it out) because he got like $70 behind and even her car was in his name... IT SUCKS. But it is what it is... The lawyer basically said the best we can hope for is if we want to talk her to court AFTER it’s all paid for “restitution’s” but we don’t wanna deal with her any more than we absolutely have to... So we’re stuck... And because of that we’ll be with the in-laws until more of that gets paid off so we can actually get our own place...
I’d probably just pay that
I’d probably just pay that debt so it doesn’t effect him anymore. I’d not argue with BM. She isn’t going to pay it. It’s not that much. Get it done and forget about it.
I am wondering about her getting assistance though. When she files for it, don’t they go after the father for money first? Where does she say he is?
Not sure how she's doing it
Not sure how she's doing it but that's on her. There's documents to show that he's doing what he's suppose to be doing.
Honestly I don't know how she's doing it since they are legally still married. Together I don't see the kids qualifying for state insurance.
They are separated and
They are separated and divorcing. BM would be able to get Medicaid and food stamps and such. They are two separate households and per current agreement Dad gets them EOWE (exception, the extended summer visit). He should be paying CS and once divorce is final CSE will pursue him if he fails to.
As his CS goes through process center a small amount will be taken by state to help cover like a 'premium' for the Medicaid. Example purpose only, they might take $50 a month out of what he pays before BM receives the CS. The SNAP (food) assistance, not so. It's a totally different program. SNAP in BM's house would go by her income (if no other adult living with her), where as SNAP in your house would go by both your and your SO's income.
SO will pay child support as
SO will pay child support as ordered through the state and right from his check once the case is done.
The judge has observed their agreement and as far as I understand they are almost finished.
BM's going to be really upset if the state does remove part of the amount he pays but that's on her.
All I know is SO hasn't been running or hiding. He'd be paying CS already but all parties involved demand it go through the state and they won't set up the account until the divorce is finalized. He has the paperwork and directions ready to go expect for the one part he gets when the divorce is done and the CO takes affect. Once the account is set up he will be mailing them the check for the agreed upon back child support but as of right now there is no order for child support.
There is no court recognized agreement or even a legal separation that I understand. The agreement they have is not enforceable and legally either of them could take the children and move tomorrow. Not that SO intends to do that.
What type of assistance is
What type of assistance is she getting? If it's money and he isn't paying CS, this will bit him in the butt later.
If he pays his CS,(and she is getting cash from the state), the state will give her about $50, then keep the rest to make up what they are paying out. This keep dad in the clear as far as the state is concerned because he is doing the right thing.
If he doesn't pay, the state can grab his tax returns.
She can get assistance while they are married because they are not living together.
It's insurance. They are
It's insurance.
They are still going through the divorce and CS is not yet ordered but she will get back pay in full once the paperwork is done.
He's not hiding in anyway. He's on the birth certificate as their father and there is an active process involving the courts right now.
I wouldn't bother coming up
I wouldn't bother coming up with a Plan B, unless Plan B is your SO paying the debt in full.
When BM was homeless, DH and I looked at apartments (we were in the process of buying a house and were living with our respective parents) for us and the boys, but realized we may not be able to get one together because he had an eviction due to BM (DH was paying for an apartment for her and her STBXH; STBXH went on a racial slur rampage, destroyed some property, and got them kicked out; this was before my time with DH, but the apartment complex we were interested in told us it might hurt our ability to rent). When we went to buy the house, we found out DH had a debt collection judgment against him for several thousand dollars that BM racked up while they were married. Guess who got to pay it? Yep, DH.
Being poor and getting divorced hurts. When you are also getting divorced from someone who isn't honest or someone who won't make the effort to do what they are supposed to, it hurts even worse. Your BM may end up paying her part of the debt, but my recommendation is that if she doesn't, just have your SO pay it. It will be a very expensive life lesson for him to learn to pick better mates. Trying to stick it to her is only going to cost more money, and if she is CP and cries "poor", a sympathetic judge may just give your SO the full debt in the future.
It has only been in the last 8-10 months that DH's decision to be with BM hasn't hurt financially. The only reasons it hasn't hurt are that DH finally makes a good salary and BM finally works full-time making above minimum wage. This is going to hurt for a long while, and my recommendation is focus less on making BM accountable (won't happen) and more on getting your SO in a better spot financially.
Yep. The Girhippo stuck Chef
Yep. The Girhippo stuck Chef with all the marital debt despite the CO.
Nice priorities going on vacay and abandoning financial obligations, BM!
Oh get this. After she
Oh get this.
After she couldn't get us to agree to go along with them, she started trying to say my partner should help her pay for it.
Your kidding me right?
Pulling this bull of "oh I thought they would like us all together" first. Woman is blind the oldest is so ridged and clearly uncomfortable when her and SO are around each other because they don't get along Well and no way in heck I'm playing happy family with a woman who won't even aknowlage my presence when I'm picking up the kids ALONE.
And there's no way in he'll SO is paying for her to go play happy family with her new guy of the month. She seriously tried starting last summer because she and the guy at the time had planned but he left her so that didn't happen
DH's ex got the house...then
DH's ex got the house...then didn't get his name removed from the mortgage as she was court-ordered to do within 3 years...then let her home get foreclosed on because she's awful with money.
Doing full vacations with skids twice a year and buying a new car and etc, etc that whole time...and getting plenty of CS and making decent money...and she can't manage to keep the house...
That was fun for us.
Like BM failing to get her
Like BM failing to get her car in her name after the divorce... Then getting it repossessed... Nothing quite like a tow truck asking where the heck the car is and being pissed that you don't have it... AND getting DH's credit ruined... AND still owing all those nice repo fees thanks to her lack of responsibility...
Apparently not going to work and refusing the pay bills while buying yourself lots of new crap catches up in the form of losing your car... Go figure...
I'm assuming your DH's credit got screwed over too?
Oh yes...it sure did. See
Oh yes...it sure did. See below. She also didn't pay any of her final utility bills, and they came after DH. Guess she thought she could just walk away from them?
Anyway...plus side is that, during that time, we put everything we own in my name only in order to protect ourselves from any future surprises. (Except the house which is joint tenants with right of survivorship).
So, will or no, skids are out of luck if something tragic happens to DH. His estate has nothing in it.
I've already told DH until he
I've already told DH until he pays off all BM's crap we're not even getting a joint bank account... They've literally pulled THOUSANDS from DH's account to pay off more things she defaulted on... Half of them that we naturally didn't know about... Because she took out EVERYTHING in DH's name... So I'm perfectly content keeping our stuff separate until she no longer has surprises to throw and her stuff is paid off....
PLUS, my credit is near perfect... Not risking that because of his ex's awful lack of responsibility. Disclaimer... When we got married none of this had popped up yet... Then they took all his tax returns on some govt credit card last year... THEN she got her car repossessed... THEN she defaulted on a loan she swore she would pay... So they took like $1400 from his account... THEN two credit cards... Then another loan... Now we're like $15000 worse off then we would have been... PLUS like $8,000 more, all high interest rate because she sucks at finances... (I really want to know who kept approving all this s***...) Yay.
DH's estate has something in it... It's called his ex's loans... So something tragic happens to DH... I'd say the could have fun with that... But with my luck it'll all just go to me... LOL (I laugh because the truth sucks some days.)
Yep. This happened about 3
Yep.
This happened about 3 years into marriage for us as well. I did not go into the marriage expecting someone else's terrible financial decisions to have such an impact on me...that's for sure. Grrrr.
It is easy to get bitter...
I try SUPER hard not to...
I try SUPER hard not to... But I admit when it would literally be the mortgage payment and we're living with his parents it's hard not to some days... On those days I just bite my tongue and repeat to myself everyone makes mistakes. LMAO
I don't care about CS. I
I don't care about CS.
I don't think there's anything wrong with SO keeping up with what she owes him and refusing to pay for other things until she covers that debt to him. Why should he just give her a free pass?
Again she'll still get child support. That's not an issue nor something he can deny her but reimbursed for the cost of glasses? Yep that can just be subtracted from what she owes him.
I agree with this and we have
I agree with this and we have done it before.
When BM allowed the house to be foreclosed on, she had a bunch of final utility bills in both of their names that were also overdue/left unpaid for months. We received power, water, etc. at our new address...and we paid the bills so as not to do any further damage to DH's credit.
And then...yep. Anytime she wanted half of an expense or an extra we'd tell her we were taking it off her tab since we paid all of her final utility bills for her.
I'm not sure how it works in
I'm not sure how it works in your state, but in mine any debts mentioned in the divorce can be offset in CS. Meaning, if she doesn't pay them within the timeline of the CO, the balance would be taken from any CS he will be ordered to pay.
I think this is a case of just wait and try not to worry about where the chips fall until they do. He can pay the debts now and submit his receipts to his CSE case worker. It may take him five years before he recovers the funds, but it's better than just eating the debt.
Our hope is in 5 years CS
Our hope is in 5 years CS wont exist.
BM already neglects the children leaving them for days on end with family while she goes and parties.
We're working really hard to be able to move closer so that SO can be there for the kids. Her family has made it clear that if he was around they wouldn't be watching so much and the one who does do most the watching is in really poor health. The other day he said that he didn't think he would make it to much longer.
We plan to fill in that role and keep records.
On top of that the kids are starting to get tired of it. BM post all sorts of stuff when she does do anything with the kids and their smiles are fading. SO showed me one the other day. The oldest got a recognized for something special at school. Of course BM got hundreds of pictures of her with the kid to plaster over Facebook but the child looks miserable.
At the very least closing the distance we should be able to push for 50/50 starting with getting them while she is at work.
The oldest can also see the clear favoritism for the youngest. BM gives 30 hugs and kisses to the little one and barely waves bye to the oldest.
We really believe that if we can close the distance the oldest will want to live at our place because then she'd actually get to sleep in her own room instead of sharing a bed with her bother and aunt when BM get's tried of playing mom.
Then again maybe I'm wrong and BM will straighten up and be a good parent?