His time
I got home to find SO upset. BM on her own signed future step daughter up for a sport team. Didn't talk to my partner at all. No big deal except her first game is this Saturday. It's my partners weekend and we had plans for months. Further step daughter knew these plans and expressed as much interest as a 7 year old will.
BM just called today to tell him about the game. No clue if shes just found out because she has waited till the last moment to tell him things before. I am sure she was expecting him to take her because she works weekends and her mother had another medical emergency recently. He told her no. SO said BM then made him tell the girl she wouldn't be going. He said that BM made it even worse because she was clearly pressing the situation whole he was on the phone.
I told him he needs to contact her and let her know he won't be doing that again. It is she who signed the girl up without considering how it will impact her time with her dad. It's her job to tell the daughter. It's not fair to make my partner the bad guy over this.
It's a city league that last year the grandmother took it on herself to sign the girl up for it only last a few months and really the girl isn't interested enough to put in much effort.
SO talked to the girl over the summer to gauge her interest level. She didn't express alot of interest and reported she'd rather do something else completely but of course what she wants to do isn't so easy to sign a kid up for.
Now I did realize and point out to SO that our plans have us going through the girls city both in the morning and the evening.
Here's where I ask for advice. Does SO stick with no or does he ask the 7 year old on Friday when he picks her up from school and she is away from mom? We could drop her off on the way and pick her back up so she could do her game.
This is the first time this has happened so I know the way he handles it will set the pattern for the future.
As I was proof reading this I added about her expecting SO to take the kid because of it being the weekend. I realize there's an extra level of messed up to this. She works every weekend. Those are the only days she works. Last year all of the games were on the weekend. She had to know it would be the same this year. It's the same league. She set this up being unable to take the girl to her games and expecting other people to do it.
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Stick with no. If the girl
Stick with no. If the girl isn't that interested and begging to participate, then stick with no. Especially since you have other plans.
I think that's what he plans
I think that's what he plans to do.
It's something to do with my family though so I wanted to make sure he knew that I wouldn't be upset if he decided to do the game with her. I wanted to make sure he knew the options.
This is just really bothers me the more I think about. All on her end. She clearly has no respect for his relationship with his daughter (which we already knew but still.)
BM has done it before.
BM has done it before. Planning stuff for the boys on DH's time. Telling DH he is going to do something. Never asking for DH's opinion on what the boys were involved in. There is nothing to do other than say no.
I think you are doing the
I think you are doing the best for the situation. If he wants to go and support his DD, then you aren't pressuring him to do your family thing.
My kids played sports, and now the grandkids are. If the kid really wants to do the sport, IMO, it is good for the kids to learn teamwork, supporting others, and getting out of the house for exercise and fun. If the girl doesn't want to do the sport, then why pressure a 7yo to do it...that's on BM, not you all.
Its a form of control. This
Its a form of control. This way he does what she wants on his weekends. Ex SO had the same problem but he gave in to it cuz hes a spineless disney dad. Your DH needs to tell her no. Otherwise, it'll never end.
Yes exactly what IslandGal
Yes exactly what IslandGal said. My DH said to deal with the same crap last year and BM is trying to do it again this year.
In theory, I'm for parents
In theory, I'm for parents trying to facilitate activities that kids want to participate in even if it means it is on "their" time. However for a 7 yo? Who doesn't even care?
If I were DH I would contact the BM state. SD expressed to me that she doesn't want to participate this year in X. Also, we already have plans for this weekend, so at a minimum, she will not be attending on Saturday and may miss some future weekends as well. I think the best course of action is to cancel her participation. Otherwise, she is likely to miss many of the weekends.
Next time, please discuss these weekend plans with me in advance if you expect me to be responsible for her attendance. Otherwise I cannot guarantee I will be able to accomodate.