This year has been a real eye opener when it comes to my family and the way they see things.

Let me start with SO and I of course are not married, nor are we engaged. His divorce is currently waiting on the hearing which could be who knows when. That being said it is pretty clear that the intent is for us to get married though. Him and his two children are what I consider "my little family."

When looking at my little family I've started to realize more and more about my big family.

For one thing on my mom's side my parents are the oddballs. My mom is from a step-family. She has 2 full sisters and 2 halves since my grandmother remarried. Among my mom and aunts my family is the only one who isn't some sort of blended family.

My parents are now divorced but neither appears to be dating so it's just me and my sister. Yes I did write about a possible older half-brother but he was not nor could he become a part of our family at any time now.

My dad's family was alot more 'stable' per-say. I have one aunt. My uncle died when his boys were teens and its only this year my aunt remarried with both boys being adults.

I have who know's how many cousins on my mom's side and 2 on my dad's. Neither of the boys are even in long term relationships as far as I know and on mom's side only 1 has a child but the father isn't present.

That all being said here's some stuff I've seen.

My direct family (mom,dad,sister) have been amazingly accepting of my boyfriends kids. I didn't expect them to open their arms so quickly but not only have they they've gone above and beyond to treat these children the same as my sisters. Even my father who was rather hard to grow up with is extremely welcoming. My sisters kids LOVE my boyfriends kids and her little boy is always asking to go see boyfriends son. When it comes to holidays they have been 100% involved with the only challenging being my family doesn't fully remember that we don't always have the kids. When I spoke to my mom about this she said that they understand that these are going to become their grand kids. I feel very lucky. With that being said the kids are not forced to accept these people as their family. My mom is Miss X just like I am. My dad is himself same with my sister and her kids. No one is called grandma, aunt, or cousin to the kids. I'll add that my mom lives in the same town as me which is why the kids have already met them. She is sort of the back up if something happens and me and my boyfriend need help with the kids. We've made no attempt to take them to the town I grew up in for them to meet the rest of my family. Nor have we arranged them meeting my mom's the few time's they've been in town.

Now my moms side of the family is a mix of support and rage inducing annoyance. My grandmother has seen a picture of the children and in support noted SO's daughter looks like me, long brownish hair, blue eyes, basic stuff like that. She is kind and understand. My mom's older full sister though has angered me to no end and it's not even directly related to my little family. She's shown me what she thinks about blended families and honestly my heart aches for her step son. She made it fully known she does not believe "her father" and "his money" should support her half sisters. Her own mother's children. Again rage inducing annoyance. To her this is all about money. In my mind it's up to each person how they support their blended family. What right does she have to say how her father spends his money or shares what minimal wealth he has. Her recent behavior is in a way tearing my mother's family apart and I have no desire to ever see her again because I don't want to be lectured (again) about money and more exact I don't want to be told how I should or in this case should not use my money to support "someone else's kids."

My dad's mom on the other side means well but really upset me yesterday. She talked about how she didn't get anything for the kids though I assured her it wasn't needed in any way and we would try to come see her when possible so she could meet anyone (while thinking to myself we're not rushing this.) We talked for a long while and what made me sad was at the end she said she would be praying for us so we could be a real family. She couldn't understand to me we are, or at least once married will be. I explained the hope is we can move closer and get 50/50 custody of the children but that's not good enough for her. For her we need the kids all the time to be a real family. Again she means well I believe but it hurts in a way.

So why write all this down? Because I needed to. This stuff has been going on for months now and with the holidays family is at the forefront of everyone's mind. I'm happy with my little family. I love my partner and his children. Sure there are challenges but at the end of the day I am happy and that isn't exactly a normal thing from my past. My direct family offers nothing but support to the point of surprising me almost constantly. I thank them so much for what they have done in making me feel more sure of my choices. They may at times offer caution but they do so in a way that shows honest concern and no ill intent. My larger family is a mix. I wish my father's mother could understand how her words hurt. She's older so that may not change and again I understand she means no harm. My mom's side is a mess and it seems like the more I see the more I realize just how screwed up things are. I want to protect myself and my little family from part of them while I can't wait to welcome the other parts more into my life.

Thank you for letting me share. I've needed to for a while.