How it all started...
About 2 years ago, I started dating a guy with 2 kids. I actually wasn't sure if I wanted kids of my own- I have a hectic career. But, I soon fell in love with his kids- at the time, they were 8 and 10. While dad and BM shared 50 50 custody, the kids are with us most of the time. Part of it is that there are two of us on the dads side to watch the kids/ drive them places, etc. As far as I know, BM is single. From the start the situation was tough. When I first started dating SO (significant other) he received a document from BM's lawyer requesting (well demanding) information about me. BM wanted to know my full name, where I'm from, a list of all moving violations, whether I have a criminal record, my social security number, a list of all past roommates and their criminal records, and the details of our relationship "romantic and sexual." We sent back some of the information- my name, where I'm from, and a few other things. Then we got an angry communication in return- demanding to know my FULL name as I had only given my first and last name. The other side threatened to hold SO in "contempt." should be not provide all data within a couple days. Some of the items provided amusement for my friends at work- the request for details "romantic and sexual" provided ample fodder for jokes. I actually wrote an email to BM stating that I was very disappointed to be receiving such documents after I did nothing to her. She never emailed back.
Oh- an aside- sure there are communications from her lawyer- but my relationship with BM is civil. She and I run into each other around down and we talk just like 2 normal people.
Anyway, most of the communications from her lawyer centered on SO. Some were about the kids- she threatened to fine SO 500 dollars any time the kids were found to have walked to school unaccompanied. I took a video while escorting them home one afternoon. The video was 7 minutes long and included younger step daughter checking out some flowers. We live 300 yards from the school. There are no busy roads as we approach the school from the back.
We actually have had a parenting coordinator involved in our case. She decided that the kids should not be allowed to walk to school alone, but that SO should not be fined 500 dollars. That was a bit odd to me- how could we not trust two kids to walk 300 yards, at the same time many other kids are traveling the same direction? The parenting coordinator has made many dubious rulings.
Another thing that happened during my first year in the relationship- older SD decided to join a sports team. For her, it was more fun than competitive given her age. But, BM noted that per the letter of the decree, she does not need to take the kids to activities picked by SO during "her" time. So, older SD was not allowed to go to games and practices on BM's days. The coach showed SO a long and rambling email from BM explaining that older SD would not be joining the team on "her" days. This basically caused problems for the team, although coach allowed older SD to play when she could, as opposed to punishing her because of her mom's choices. BM spent tens of thousands of dollars going through the courts to make sure she could reserve the right to refuse to take her daughter to games and practices. In the end, the judge ruled that BM could do just what she was doing, given the letter of the decree. But, the judge informed BM that her daughters would no longer speak to her after the age 18 should she continue to behave the way she was behaving. After this SD was allowed to play on her team.
For the purpose of this blog, I am with holding certain details. Like where we live, or what type of sport SD10 plays. I am also not going to mention my profession or that of BM.
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Comments
As a parent, I can see
As a parent, I can see wanting the information (some of it..) As a stepmom, I'd rather BM know nothing about me!!!
But HRNYC brings up a good point about Terri Horman. However, the BM chose to give her kid to his father to raise, so I have my doubts about her as well. I wonder where that little boy is...
I don't think the mom had
I don't think the mom had anything to do with it.
As far as I'm concerned, any mother who "gives up" her child/ren has a stigma. At least in my eyes.
I don't respect mothers who give up their kids, and I don't respect fathers who don't fight for as much time as possible with their kids. That's how I feel.
I think this is funny. How
I think this is funny.
How many SMs complain about their husbands not parenting their kids?
These men can't/won't
Cook
Clean
Punish
Give chores
Have kids take showers
Keep up school events
Homework
Shop for their kids-back to school, birthdays, Christmas
Taxi the kids from place to place.....
The person willing/able to parent the kids should get full custody. Marrying someone who is willing to do the hard work for you shouldn't count.
I will give absolutely NO
I will give absolutely NO information to BM she can try to ask for it but since she has NEVER provided DH any information about the half a dozen live in boyfriends shes had in the last 15 years, or the one he walked in on her with in HIS house when he stopped by unexpectedly during the day with SD playing on the floor while they made out on the couch in clear view she gets NO respect from me.
Unless the BM is prepared to offer the same level of details she is asking for from DH she is a hypocrite.
Welcome to the wonderful
Welcome to the wonderful world of HIGH CONFLICT parenting. (sic)
Good luck as you learn to navigate these treacherous waters, lol.![Smile](https://prod-cdn-1.ststatic.com/sites/all/modules/contrib/smiley/packs/kolobok/smile.gif)
I do understand why BM would
I do understand why BM would want some information. The way she/her lawyer went about getting it was a bit much. I get that she does not want a criminal around her kids.