Guilty daddy rears his ugly head
So SD20 calls last night at 10:20. DH usually goes to bed about 9:30. I hear him answer from the bedroom, and I know from his end of the conversation that it is SD20. She wants to know something regarding the new iphone she bought last month. Evidently her old, perfectly fine iphone wasn't good enough and she needed an upgrade. DH asks her what she paid ($99) and tells her she got screwed. Then he says, "I wish you would have let me know. I would have loaned you the money." Guilty daddy is here! Yay!
So when do parents let their "children" grow up? SD20 in no way, shape or form NEEDED this new phone. That $99 could have been spent on something better, plus she's paying $75 a month for service. And NO, it would not have been a "loan," he would have given her the money. It just never occurs to him to say, "SD20, I don't see why you NEEDED a new phone when your old one was perfectly fine. You're a college student and have more important bills to pay. Since you made this decision on your own, you need to take care of it on your own." No, instead he jumps straight to giving her money. Grrr...
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I too thought it would get
I too thought it would get better once SD was an "adult," but no luck because age alone does not let you reach this milestone. There is a level of maturity and independence that is simply lacking, and DH fosters it because it makes him feel needed/wanted. We are court mandated to pay 1/3 of SD's college costs as long as she remains enrolled, until she turns 21. DH has said he has no intention of stopping once she turns 21, despite the fact that she drinks to excess constantly (pretty much every weekend and often during the middle of the week as well), does drugs (we know of marijuana, crack, and various prescription narcotics), and is barely passing school (D grades and GPA barely above 2.0). He will enable her forever, I think.
Yes, this ^^^. Fostering
Yes, this ^^^.
Fostering this kind of dependency is all about DH (including mine, probably especially mine) needing to be needed. It cripples the child since there is no opportunity to work toward a goal, appreciate the value of hard-earned money, feelings of accomplishment, etc. When it's all handed to the child (or adult), it becomes just another never ending expectation. What a terrible way to parent.
SD20, I don't see why you
SD20, I don't see why you NEEDED a new phone when your old one was perfectly fine
and this is why my SD15 is going to be EXACTLY like your SD20. Because guilty daddy can not say NO! I'm sure your SD got whatever she wanted whenever she wanted it growing up so it is engrained in her. And she knows that Daddy Dearest will always be there to bail her out so why should she be concerend with bills, college expenses and things of that nature??
GAH... I have pretty much given up on the concept that once SD turns 18, things will be better. They won't, because my DH has created an entitled monster... SOMEBODY is going to have to feed her...
Yes, SD got whatever she
Yes, SD got whatever she wanted until I came into the picture. I slowed things down by about 10% but couldn't do more than that. SD wanted to play $1400 club volleyball? You bet! SD wanted $4000 braces even though her teeth were fine? No problem. SD wanted an iphone, expensive tennis shoes, a laptop computer, a $400 watch, over-the-top clothes? She got it. She won't even bother shopping for used books for college because she knows daddy will come through with the money no matter what.
So SD20 calls last night at
So SD20 calls last night at 10:20. DH usually goes to bed about 9:30.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
SS does this all the time. Usually a lot later than 10PM.
I finally told DH to tell him stop calling after 9:00PM. Guess what DH said..."I did tell him but he still does it...I will just turn the phone down where we can't hear it."
:sick: Way to man up DH.