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SD20's pathetic "acknowledgment" of BD10's birthday

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Mon, 08/05/2013 - 8:48am

So, SD20's acknowledgment of BD10's birthday consisted of her calling to talk to DH (asking for money) and, for less than 60 seconds, taking time to tell BD10 happy birthday over the phone. Yippee.

BD10 was underwhelmed to say the least.

This led into a discussion of why I hate SD20. I explained I don't "hate" her, but that I wouldn't put up with "anybody" treating me the way she does and has, her being DH's kid does not exempt her from decent behavior. Then BD10 said she thinks SD20 hates me because she can't get over DH and BM getting divorced. Good try kiddo, but I explained BM and DH got divorced when SD was 2, so she doesn't even remember them being together. BD10 had nothing after that.

Comments

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Mon, 08/05/2013 - 9:09am

What exactly were you both expecting? That's probably all I would do for my siblings birthdays at that age....I'd call and wish them a happy birthday.

I would have told your ten yr old to be greatful that her sister called her and that she shouldn't be expecting anything from anyone. You can't control SD, but you can guide dd to be less self centered....her birthday might be super important to her, but everyone else world doesn't stop because she turned 10.

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Mon, 08/05/2013 - 9:27am

I wasn't expecting ANYTHING, and neither was BD10. She is NOT one of those kids who expects much of anything. I just think she was disappointed that her "grown" sister didn't send her a card or even call her on her own merits. BD10 was fully aware SD20 called to talk to her dad, not to her. She was definitely an afterthought, and I did NOT tell her that, she's aware enough to figure that out on her own.

In my family, even the grown siblings buy the other grown siblings presents, and in DH's family they ALWAYS at a minimum send cards to each other. So BD10 sees that it can be done.

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Mon, 08/05/2013 - 9:31am

Thanks Vickmeister, you are right. I keep "thinking" SD20 could try a "little" harder when it comes to our BDs, but clearly that is never going to happen.

My BDs absolutely are NOT self-centered, thank God. BD10 was "super" grateful just because she got a couple of things from me in the morning when she woke up that cost a total of $3, plus daddy took her to a store she likes and let her spend $25, and then we agreed to get her something she REALLY wanted that cost $25. She was SO excited and said what a GREAT birthday it was and how much she loves her family.

SD20 hates me because she's a stuck-up pain in the backside who thinks only of herself. But, I couldn't say that to BD, so... Yes Vickmeister, he WOULD be funding 100% if he thought he could get away with it. His third of her summer school was only $200 but instead he sent $500 because poor little SD20 lost her job (through her own fault) and mean old BM wasn't forthcoming with her share...

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Mon, 08/05/2013 - 9:33am

If I misinterpreted the post, then I stand corrected. It seemed to me that dd came to Elizabeth upset that SD didnt do more for her birthday and Elizabeth validated it and a discussion ensued that was anti-sd.

If I read I to the post incorrectly, then I apologize.

Aeron's picture

Submitted by Aeron on Mon, 08/05/2013 - 9:35am

I guess like Peanut, I'm wondering what you expect from SD? What is the decent behavior you're looking for?

I personally ask because in have a half-brother that's 10 years older than me and I can't honestly recall him ever acknowledging my birthday. And I can't remember ever being bothered about it. So I wonder a bit if DD is upset because she knows that You're upset about it.

I totally get that your SD is... special in that flaming dog poo kind of way. But kids pick up on their parents feelings and I wonder if DD would be so bothered by it if you didn't think or feel like it was such a big deal.

I think it's great that you teach DD to not accept poor treatment. But I also think that while the effort may have been underwhelming, there was an acknowledgment, young adults are not exactly known for their great recollection of birthdays, and it doesn't sound like SD and DD have much of a relationship anyway.

I'm not trying to attack,I guess I just wonder if you and thus Bd vicariously, have some unrealistic expectations and are making this into a bigger deal. But that's just based off my own childhood I guess. I never really expected even acknowledgement of my bday from people that weren't living in the same house as I was.

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Mon, 08/05/2013 - 9:45am

I didn't say a thing about expectations of SD20 to BD10, and I won't. I think BD10 is upset because she sees that DH and SD20 have "some type of" relationship, and she feels left out. After all, SD20 IS her half-sister, in my family we don't really make distinctions in degree of family. Everybody welcomed SD20 with open arms when I married DH, my sister has two children who are adopted and MY kids think of them absolutely as family. My kids do things for these cousins, do things for each other, do things for SD20 (each of them MAKE her Christmas presents every year, for example).

No, I don't say anything or have any expectations when it comes to SD20, but BD10 is old enough to feel a bit disappointed to barely even register, and I don't blame her.