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The door has closed finally...

fairyo's picture

Submitted by fairyo on Tue, 08/28/2018 - 11:47am

well today the house finally sold and the relationship I thought was forever is now officially over. I have heard nothing from TheX- he has not sent any message of regret or even hatred- typical that he has remained true to form with that deafening silence. I will never know how he felt about things and I now see our time together as a bit of a dream. Did the last nine years really happen?

Did we visit all those places, do all those crazy things, eat all those lovely meals, restore that old house and tend that garden, host all those parties, go to all those concerts, plays, movies, together???

I am left with this feeling- what was it for? My relationship with him now seems like a mirage that appeared and disappeared in the blink of an eye. I sometimes see a photograph and think who is that man holding my hand, smiling and putting his arm around me?

Five months after leaving him I still think he is going to come in and kiss me hello and sit down to share a glass of wine or a tv show with me. 

I travelled down to return the keys today- saw some old friends who were very kind, gave me gifts and treated me to lunch. One friend, who is now housebound through illness, said I had made her day and told me how much I was missed. A large part of my life will always be with those people who made me feel welcome and needed in a strange place where I knew no one except him.

I decided to take the keys and hand them to the new owner in person- I bought a card and a bottle of wine to wish him well in the house I loved. When I opened the gate and looked through the window I realised he wasn't there, so I left the wine and the note with the keys by the back door. It seemed the right thing to do.

I know lots of people said to get a bottle of fizz and celebrate my freedom, and the bottle is there. It is my sister's birthday meal tonight so I am going out to celebrate and my sister is staying over tonight- so maybe I will open the bubbles before I go to bed and try not to think about him anymore.

Tomorrow, as it is almost the end of summer, we are all off to the seaside for a day out and I hope my mood will lift.

I have a rule that I can feel sorry for myself for a day and then get over it- so maybe I will have a different perspective in the morning.  Just now, all I want to do is cry...

Comments

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Tue, 08/28/2018 - 12:06pm

Fairyo, welcome to the first day of your new life!

I know what it's like to spend years with someone, it ends, and you look back and wonder if it was real. YES, IT WAS!!!  He may have had his head in the sand and been a total butthead, but YOUR feelings were real. The things you did were real. Like my exbf, I wonder if your ex knows himself at all. {{{{HUGS}}}} to you.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Submitted by ProbablyAlready... on Tue, 08/28/2018 - 12:09pm

Fairyo, enjoy your day at the seaside, it's well earned. You're strong and you've done a good thing for yourself and your future.

((HUGS))

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 08/28/2018 - 12:12pm

I am so sorry that you are going through this, it is very similar to grieving a death, so take as long as you need. Not to wallow in self pity, just to go through the normal stages so that you can properly heal.

It is just so curious, this change in him.

TrueNorth77's picture

Submitted by TrueNorth77 on Tue, 08/28/2018 - 12:34pm

I'm so sorry things worked out this way...I feel for you. It will get better, and you will be happy. Take this opportunity to do things you've always wanted to do, see things you've always wanted to see....take chances, find excitement, spend time with friends. And enjoy your day at the sea!

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 08/28/2018 - 12:38pm

It's hard to look back and wonder if it was all worth it.  In the end, our experiences shape us and we can become better people for them.  Now is a good time to look forward and see the possibilities in your life without having to worry about what another person might think. 

disrestep's picture

Submitted by disrestep on Tue, 08/28/2018 - 12:51pm

Oh BIG HUGS to you Fairyo.

It was such a nice thing to do for the new homeowner to bring him something

It sounds like a perfect idea to open up that bottle of bubbly to celebrate the beginning of your new and wonderful life without all the skid drama. Try not to think about him. He doesn't even deserve that space in your head.

Please have a fabulous time at the ocean.

take care.

Aunt Agatha's picture

Submitted by Aunt Agatha on Tue, 08/28/2018 - 12:58pm

It might be hard to see or feel it today, but you are an amazing person, Fairy.  You deserve a life where you are loved and respected.  With TheEx, you were never going to get it from him. 

I wish for only the best for you!  I have a feeling very good things are just around the corner.  Enjoy you beach time, and let the waves carry your pain away...

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Tue, 08/28/2018 - 4:15pm

From a distance.  Just repeat after me no more men with children no more men with children no more men with children.  If chef ever runs off or drops dead no more men with children

UnhappyMom5's picture

Submitted by UnhappyMom5 on Tue, 08/28/2018 - 5:52pm

im very sorry your relationship ended. I know what you are feeling and I wish you all good luck with your new life. Try to take one day at a time and grieve through it as long as it takes you. Spoil yourself a little or a lot!!! 

StepMa2BeeYo's picture

Submitted by StepMa2BeeYo on Tue, 08/28/2018 - 6:54pm

I am so sorry for this to have happened to you.  Sometimes God presents us with things that we don't think are going to happen to test us or just to move us in the direction we actually should be moving in.  For example, prior to meeting the love of my world, the man i'm with now I was married.  I was married to an egotistical, child-like, selfish individual.  He was very shallow and got upset because i gained weight.  I thought my whole world ended, then I met my love.  It took months to really move on and be OK with the decision but i realized he lost something not me.  Things happen and I took responsibility to my wrongdoings, but ultimately realized I deserved a better man.  Perhaps this isn't the case with you, but maybe he just isn't the one.  Let yourself heal, enjoy single life, and mend relationships with friends and family.  Focus on a new hobby and cater to you.  Hope this helps. <3

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Wed, 08/29/2018 - 12:50am

Sending hugs and good wishes. I second the sentiments expressed sbove by Redhairedsm; grateful we have this online community and for your contributions here. Sounds like you're feeling your feelings instead of ignoring or numbing out, good job taking care of yourself.

It gets better. 

fairyo's picture

Submitted by fairyo on Wed, 08/29/2018 - 4:16pm

Thank you all so much for your messages, (((hugs))) and prayers. I have been so busy today that I have had very little time to think about anything- I went to the coast with my family and we had a wonderful day. I am now so tired that I know I will sleep well and tomorrow will be a whole new start... I heard from a friend who told me that TheX had posted on Facebook that he had moved into his new place and he seemed upbeat. It made me feel a lot better.

We both have to get on with our lives, and I have so much life left and the future looks great for me. My pity party is over, and due in no small part to the wonderful people I have met on here- so a great big thank-you for all your support over the past eighteen months or so.

It was your messages, your humour and wisdom that gave me the insight into the nature of my relationship to the Xskids and their dad. The best thing is that we have both moved on, and the surprising thing I have realised is that we both cared about our respective families probably more than we thought of each other- now he has his role as  super-indulgent daddee back without my disapproving, and I have my freedom, independence and my sense of belonging back too.

I was reading recently about how we respond to being loved, and that  for a sense of well-being it  doesn't matter where that love comes from, it all has a beneficial effect on the soul and the body- to feel loved is the only measure that counts.

I love all of you that have taken the time to speak truth to me, even when I didn't want to hear it. I know most of all that sharing our stories helps us to feel stronger and more positive about ourselves.

I shall still check-in from time to time to see how you all are and hope that we all continue to move forward in our lives in the best way we can.

Lots of love and fairy hugs ((((HUGS)))) to every one of you