Now he is pushing my BD away
Have just changed my user name etc because my DH has been checking up on me & it makes me feel spied on. I have told him I really need this site for my sanity, so hopefully, he'll leave me to it!
Last night my BD took her dinner to her room (recently we have had no structure to meal times and I have made a big effort to get everyone together at least some nights). I was just going to ask her to return as we were eating in the dining room (I have been saying how important it is to spend this time together after having major rudeness over it from SD). DH just went into one, demanding she come down at once - I said that I was going to get her, but he couldn't even hear me for his ranting. I guess this was partly to show SD that he could have a go at mine over this and partly because his 2 kids have caused so many problems, he jumped at the chance to get at one of mine before he even knew the facts!
I am beginning to notice a definate pattern of him jumping to conclusions in the hope that my BD's might have put a foot wrong. It is like a sort of defence for his own kids, to show that it's not always them! It is now so evident that my BD14 wants to move back in with her Dad and older sister.
I just am so tired of this balancing between people. His kids have done some rotten things here in the 6 months since we all moved in together. My BD's are not here all the time and quite understandably can't think of it as home. I feel the same way.
It is just like some sort of competition for DH to catch someone out all the time (my kids or even me). He has a huge chip on his shoulder, I know, but I did think that he might have let me in to his life with my kids too.
Has anyone shared the same? Any ideas of how to improve things, because I am running out of ideas and patience.
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Faith, you and DH really
Faith, you and DH really deserve to get some counseling sessions under your belt. Can you get DH to go to them? This sounds so much like a control issue for him and he's overcompensating in petty areas for having zero control in the major areas. I really think a third party could put some things into a healthy perspective for you two. You certainly deserve to have the best tools in your shed to get through this.
BTW, I would tell my DH if he really wants to know how this site is working, tell him to set up his own user name and vent. But to deny you the right or monitor what you're doing is really a red flag. It just seems like he's focusing on the people (you) that don't need monitoring b/c it's too hard to look at the people (his kids) that really do need his monitoring.
Been there
My hubby tried that because his daughter is the trouble maker. She is abusive, controlling, beligerant, defiant, rude, destructive.... you get the idea. Mine is well mannered, respectful and doesnt cause more than the minor squabbles. His is hareful and treats me like crap ALL THE TIME. We got into it the other night and I told him that I was sick of trying to win the heart of my SD. She obviously wanted to hate me and I was so tired. He piped in about how "Oh, and Tiffany is ust sooooo perfect, miss perfect mom and daughter...blah blah blah". Just then my daughter woke up because she was sick, came in the room (she never does this) and snuggled up next to HIM! Told him "Daddy I dont feel good, can you hold me?" She laid with him for about thirty minutes, started feeling better, gave him a kiss and told him he was the best dad she could ever hope for. She told him she was sorry that her SS gave us so much trouble, that she had been downstairs listening to SS fighting with us and she promised to never be like that because she appreciated him and I so much. She came and gave me a kiss and went right back to bed. The look on his face was priceless. He was in tears and told me that I was right. He does not even try to push my daughter away now. He also realizes that I was right in regards to his daughter.
It took a slap in the face for him to see. I dont know what your hubby needs to wake him up. I think that we have to get to a point in this stepparenting game where we stop looking at the kids as your and mine. They have to become "ours" in order for it to work.