My OSD has been driving for over two years now, so she and YSD kind of just come and go between BM's, my house, and H's house as they please. It's a 45-minute one way trip from my house to their school/BM's house. I did the majority of picking up and dropping off for about 10 years because of H's travel/work schedule. For 6 of those years I did the round trip every single day every other week. I'd estimate that H made the drive on average once every two months. I didn't resent it at the time because it was just the way that our family needed to work in order for everyone to stay close. When things began to fall apart between me and OSD I did resent a lot of the time and effort I'd put into them both because I was being accused of not wanting them in my home, trying to keep their dad away from them, etc etc. Now I’m kind of indifferent about it all. I did what was the right thing to do at the time and no one could truthfully say that I didn’t put 100% of myself into making a good life for all of us together. At the same time I don’t go out of my way for my SDs any longer - I basically exist to facilitate their relationship with DD and will only offer an opinion if it’s asked.

Anyway, this week through a series of mishaps, I needed a babysitter for DD so that I could make it to a very urgent and necessary appointment that had been rescheduled several times. Not one person was available and H suggested we ask YSD. So we did, and she was able to help but OSD couldn’t drive her. So BM dropped her off and I took her home. It was the first time I’d driven to BM’s in two years. 

As we were turning into BM’s driveway, YSD said “I can’t believe you didn’t need me to give you directions. The last time Daddy brought me he missed the exit and then I had to tell him every single turn to get to mom’s and he parked in front of a house three doors down because he didn’t remember what mom’s house looks like.” Normally I wouldn’t have really responded, but these days I’m more inclined to just speak the truth so I said, “yeah, but if you think about it I’ve driven here hundreds and hundreds of times more than your dad.” YSD looked at me for a moment and then said “oh yeah, that’s right. That’s so crazy when you think about it.” And then we both laughed and she kissed DD and got out of the car.

About an hour later she texted me: “I’m sorry that we weren’t more thankful to you when we were little. I was talking to (OSD) and she said that it was always you who made sure we spent as much time with daddy and (DD) as possible. I know we treated you bad sometimes but we’re both really glad you’re our stepmom.” 

She’s an emotional teenager so I take this with a grain of salt, but I have to admit that it did give me a small amount of satisfaction that they CAN sometimes recognize how much I did for them. It doesn’t really change anything, just was nice to hear.