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Never knew I could have so much anger....

FTMandSM's picture

Submitted by FTMandSM on Thu, 05/22/2014 - 1:11pm

I usually try not to let BM's presence on this earth and her "connection" to SO bother me so much. But something happened and I just can not get over being just angry and mad knowing that her and my SO have to have contact. Let me explain:

I don't think it is ok for SO and BM to have any type of conversation unless it has to do with SD. BM recently had her new baby. SO asked her how the baby was and when it was born. To me this is stupid. Who gives a shit about her new baby? I don't. When I was pregnant with mine and SO's son, all BM do was call him a spawn, bastard, stupid. You name it.

I asked SO why he thought to ask her questions that weren't related to SD, he said that he was just trying to be nice because he was going to have to deal with her for the rest of his life. I responded with, well you are also going to have to deal with a really pissed off me. So take your pick. I understand wanting to be civil, but the relatiobship doesn't need to go beyond SD. Who knows what else they talk about? Its just disgusting to me.

Comments

iwasindenial's picture

Submitted by iwasindenial on Thu, 05/22/2014 - 4:21pm

thank you! BM texted DH yesterday about their 20 y/o daughter...I was feeling like unless the SD20 is ill and unable to contact DH on her own, there is no reason they need to talk about her. Thank you for validating my feelings! If he had told her what he thought (what he tells me about the situation being BM's fault), instead of consoling her I wouldn't have cared so much either!

iwasindenial's picture

Submitted by iwasindenial on Thu, 05/22/2014 - 4:35pm

it has been bothering me all day. unless their contact is about the SD11....BM is just the "other woman" that is trying to contact my husband!

FTMandSM's picture

Submitted by FTMandSM on Thu, 05/22/2014 - 1:42pm

Ewwwwwww gross..... I just threw up in my mouth.

Ill use this next time he wants to be nice. But hopefully he learned his lesson.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Thu, 05/22/2014 - 1:25pm

If he wants to be nice, fine, be nice while discussing SD.

He most certainly will not have to deal with BM for the rest of his life. This is a myth that some BMs would like for men to believe but it's not true.

We have been BM free for almost 5 years. I highly recommend it.

FTMandSM's picture

Submitted by FTMandSM on Thu, 05/22/2014 - 1:39pm

I will say that after the third time she said something about our son and myself, he said to stop. I'm just tired of it all. My anger comes in waves. SO does great and then suddenly he does something stupid and then I'm pissed off for weeks....

Hanny's picture

Submitted by Hanny on Thu, 05/22/2014 - 1:39pm

My SO does the same shit! We do the 'family' thing for birthdays, etc. Where we 'all' (BM's BF and his kids) get together. Last one I went to I saw SO send BM a text telling her how nice it was for the 'whole gang' to get together. I've told him how I feel about this...that it isn't necessary since the girls are adults now. I told him I'm not going to another one. Oldest Skids birthday is soon, we'll see if BM plans another 'family dinner'. I'm promoting SO reaching out to skid and asking her when she and her BF can join us for her birthday celebration...taking the BM out of the picture. they can do their own thing.

FTMandSM's picture

Submitted by FTMandSM on Thu, 05/22/2014 - 1:44pm

SO said he wanted it to be like this, where we all get together. I just laughed and walked away.

justthegirlfriend13's picture

Submitted by justthegirlfriend13 on Thu, 05/22/2014 - 2:28pm

I still have no idea why men continue to want to be involved in their exes life. I agree that being nice is one thing, but they always seem to have an excuse to want to talk about other personal stuff and I can't figure out whether they just don't want to be confrontational and tell BM to go away or if they truly do still care for the person.

I've had the same convo with my BF as well and his excuse is always that if BM is happy then the kids are happy as well so he tries to be nice and act as her friend to keep her happy. Whether she is having her own BF problems, wants to talk about work, her plans, etc. he is always there to listen. Pisses me right off too. On one hand I can see that if she isn't happy, she turns into drunk BM and therefore we get calls at all hours of the night to come pickup the kids from cops because the beotch has passed out or they call crying because their mom is being a beotch to them. On the other hand, I feel that this woman is in her mid 40s and should be able to control herself, find other friends and realize that my BF is not going back with her and BF needs to tell her so.

Both of them are really, truly in the wrong and are being completely disrespectful to their new partners when they do it. I feel for you OP and always hope that one day these men will wake up and realize how ridiculous they are being.