My Heart is Sinking.
Sigh. Recently I have been lamenting that I am in a relatively romance and sex free marriage. It's an ongoing problem, and something I have felt powerless to change.
I saw a movie the other day that brought back the memory of all of those very special feelings- both the physical ones and the emotional ones. I was drowning in my sorrows of sad I was to not feel like much of a woman anymore when I had an epiphany....
How can I feel like "a woman" when I don't do much to make my husband feel like "a man"? I set about on a mission that I would reignite this spark from my end. I would begin to treat him the way I did when he was LOVER and not DH. I would make an effort to laugh at his jokes, agree with him, praise him for the hard work he does for the family, and even... ahem.. extend myself in the bedroom more. The way I used to.
So Here I am all motivated and worked up and so excited for him to get home. I have been pleasant and charming and patient... thanking him for working hard in the storm rather than being irked he was an hour late for the lunch I made. It's all perspective, right? He wanted to lay down, as he works shift work. I sent him off happily. About an hour later he returns and we sit down to chat about a business phone call I had that did not go as planned. It's a normal chat. Then this happens:
DH: I'm going to go lay down now.
Me: Oh! I thought you were laying down.
DH: That's it! I was talking to SS and he was sharing with me and I'm sick of your attitude just because I was talking with him. You know what???? Forget it!"
I put my hands up in the universal "WHOA" sign and quietly told him I honestly simply thought he had been napping. No malice, no accusation, no nothing..... just a comment.
He says my tone was "accusational".
WTF just happened? Now I just want to cry. This shouldn't be so hard.
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I just had a similar
I just had a similar conversation with my DH.....I am tired of feeling like I walk on eggshells in my own home when it comes to skids. I am sick of feeling that something I would have no problem saying to BS3, or a look I would have no problem giving BS3 is me being a horrible bitch that just hates his kids if I say/do to them.
Example #1: SD15 had two friends over after school on Friday, not something I was real thrilled about, but was decent to DH about it and I even offered to drive them to the Christmas event thing they wanted to go to. So I get home from work, I mean literally walk in the door (hadn't even taken my coat off) and BS3 comes out of SD15 room and says "SD15 is being a jerk" I rolled my eyes and sighed... well God forbid, DH snapped at me.. told me to stop being a bitch, that BS3 loves the girls and enjoys them picking on him etc. WTF? I didn't SAY anything, I rolled my eyes and sighed because I don't want to listen to BS3 complain the second I walk in the door! But way to jump to the conclusion that I was referring to SD15... sorry but my world does NOT revolve around HER!
Emample #2: SS14 was riding the 4 wheeler in the yard last weekend. That is a huge no no.. We have 21 acres, I don't want our yard/barn area looking like a damn race track. Ride the trails out back and up by the road. If it was my own kid or one of DH friends or something I would have just hollered out to please ride the trails and not in the yard. But heaven forbid because it is SS14, I don't DARE do that, so I say to DH "can you please tell SS to not ride the 4 wheeler in the yard?" DH gets huffy and says it's not muddy, he doesn't see the big deal and why do I have to be so negative... WT??
And then he wonders why I can't stand it when his kids are there???
Thank you, Echo. That is
Thank you, Echo. That is truly the most helpful thing that has ever been said to me.
I will keep trying. If he doesn't get it, I'll have that talk. It's gonna be hard not to cry while having it, though.
I agree with Echo. Keep
I agree with Echo. Keep trying. Also try reading "His Needs, Her Needs". It's a very good book and explains a lot about relationships in the beginning and what happens when those "needs" are no longer given to the spouse.
He is defensive about
He is defensive about something. You didn't do anything wrong.
***I put my hands up in the
***I put my hands up in the universal "WHOA" sign...*** Which should have been followed by you bunching your fists up and punching him in his stupid fucking mouth with one! He does not deserve you and do not put any effort into further trying. It's clear he's "married and intimate" with his son and that's the priority. I'm sorry and angry for you.
This may sound silly, but
This may sound silly, but have you read the five love languages book? It could be that you are both not speaking the correct language to each other, leaving both of you feeling empty.
I love this book! I got it as
I love this book! I got it as a wedding present! I read it on the plane on our honeymoon. Every time I start to get irritated with DH, I just remember that we speak WAY different languages. It is so awesome!
I have similar issues with my
I have similar issues with my DH. He has (the past 6 months or so) taken everything I said personally or the wrong way. According to him every comment I make is accusatory, nagging, or bitching. I'm doing the same thing you are, just keep trying. Good luck!
Yeah, it already happened
Yeah, it already happened again once more tonight. I had to run to the store and I asked DH to go with, and shockingly he said Yes!
We were driving and he asked if I had done a chore yesterday that needed doing and I replied "Sure did!" I thought I said it in a happy voice, like with an exclamation! He immediately huffed and said "WTF was THAT about???? Can't I say ANYTHING to you?!?!?!"
I really don't understand. I was happy and upbeat when I said it. Maybe our signals are just so crossed its pointless.
Unfortunately for me, my DH
Unfortunately for me, my DH and I are only in our mid 20s. So low-t probably isn't the issue here. If it is, dear lord I can only imagine his temper with more testosterone! He's got a short fuse already
He already has the implant.
He already has the implant. Sometimes I wonder if it's too MUCH!!!! He's so quick to get aggressive with everyone, not just me but I seem to be a favorite target. I was shocked when he said he was Low T, I would have suspected it was too high, because he needs to chill the "f" out.