I'm Absolutely IN LOVE with His Kids!!

Says my friend Ann, who has now been with her boyfriend a whole three months.

"We're really gelling as a family," she says to me last night over sangria. "I mean, I LOVE these kids SO much. They want to be around me all the time, they're SO CUUUUTE! I'm going to Kid8's soccer game this Saturday and I'm meeting BM!"

Says Ann, sounding super excited. Now, BM is nuts. Really. She has two mental health diagnoses including Borderline PD, but Ann can handle it. She has a Ph.D., after all, and she has a constitution of steel. She's "not going to let" BM interfere with their family and their happiness.

Okay.

Ann and her new family just got back from a week-long winter break at a family resort, where they "really bonded" and spent every moment celebrating "her kids." Ann's DS9 is thrilled to have new siblings, and they're making plans to move in together before fall so all the kids can be together at the same school. She was nearly in stitches telling about how "cute" it is that her future SD, who is 9, has such an "attitude" and a "real mouth on her." "She's so sassy! It's so cute!" (Uh...yeah, wait till she's 15, babycakes.)

Besides, Ann isn't getting any younger and wants to start trying for that baby.

Ann is very well aware of the pitfalls. She knows my story. Hell, she lived it with me. But none of that will happen to her. No, "it's different with us."

I hope she's right. I hope she's one of the success stories and doesn't end up here. But there are so many red flags waving that she just refuses to see, I'm not super hopeful.

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Oh, Ann. Bless your

Oh, Ann. Bless your heart.

Not much you can do except listen, I guess, because she's not going to.

Nope, she's not, and I'm done

Nope, she's not, and I'm done talking about it with her. Guess she needs to walk the path the rest of us have already been down.

I've been an Ann. I feel

I've been an Ann. I feel sorry for her. The reality is a far cry from the cute little blended love puddle she sees herself in.

Yup! I was Ann too, once upon

Yup! I was Ann too, once upon a nightmare. We all know how that went down!

God love her.... Ghost - i

God love her....

Ghost - i about puked when i read the title...

I think some blended families

I think some blended families don't have trouble. We might not see that it's possible but some people are truly the type of people who can take in another person's kids without hesitation. I know my dad did it with my brother. My dad married my mom within 2 weeks of knowing her and took in her son (my brother) without an issue. In months, my brother was calling my dad "dad" and his real father signed over rights so my dad could adopt him. My dad has NEVER considered himself a stepparent and even though him and my mom divorced (and it was a messy divorce and they don't speak now) my dad still sees my brother as much if not more than he sees me.

It happens for some people.

When you have a diagnosed BM,

When you have a diagnosed BM, things are bound to be difficult.

Your dad wasn't a SP, he was a parent by virtue of the adoption. Plus, I am guessing that your brother's bio dad wasn't interfering, crazy or even involved. Makes all the difference in the world....

That's true. It does. I have

That's true. It does. I have tried to explain that to my husband... that even if BM is barely involved, she's still in the picture, and therefore, it's very hard for me to take SD on completely as my own because she has someone else she calls "mom" and that person will continue to be there, however uninvolved she is.

And sometimes when the BM is

And sometimes when the BM is uninvolved (or less involved) it's even worse. BM takes on a mythical properties in the skids' minds. The SM can't compete with the "perfect mom" they've built her to be.

Very true, Sunshine. A lot of

Very true, Sunshine. A lot of blended families work. But I've noticed it's usually the ones with stepDADS. And there's not a crazy BM involved.

I was going to, but she'd

I was going to, but she'd discount everything anyway. She's special and different.

I hoped Ann got lucky but

I hoped Ann got lucky but since she finds her SD cute with the lipping her.. }:) }:) }:)

fun days ahead... poor poor Ann

No offense to poor ANN but

No offense to poor ANN but only 3 months and already getting that super involved in skids lives. Her boyfriend already allowed a meeting with the kids and "family vacation" only THREE months. Oh man does not sound like they took time to get to know one another just one on one without the kids. I wish the best of luck for you friend. I am just new to all this but my SO and I took like the first 4 months before I met his son, at 6 months I went to his families cabin just him and his son one night, slept in separate rooms. We did not even sleep in the same room in front of his son until we were together for like 9 or 10 months. She and this man moving way too fast.

Again best of luck

... and have a "theirs" baby

... and have a "theirs" baby on the way ...

Troll - Do you keep a score

Troll -

Do you keep a score card or a spreadsheet to keep track of your grudges? Which do you find easier?

Lady Face, my desk is now

Lady Face, my desk is now covered with the coffee I spewed, snaughling.

Pay up, sister!! I only got 2

Pay up, sister!! I only got 2 hours of sleep last night and I'm dragging hiney.

What up, Sheldon? Haven't

What up, Sheldon?

Haven't found a life yet, eh?

I'm sure the drama has only

I'm sure the drama has only just begun....

Ahhhh... just wait until she

Ahhhh... just wait until she meets the BM....

And I do remember thinking so highly of the skids until about month 9 or 10.

Because he's as special as

Because he's as special as she is! And so are his wonderful cherubs!

Baby fever is exactly it. Spot. On.

lol.

With my exDH , things were

With my exDH , things were wonderful for the first year. I ignore all the red flags and thought everything was perfect.

Reality will eventually slap Ann hard in the face.

"t drives me crazy some days

"t drives me crazy some days when a EOWE SM is complaining about loosing her 2 precious days because of skids. Try living the 24/7/365 nightmare. I'd do anything some days to go back to EOWE or for BM to straighten up enough to get visitations so I could have an entire weekend off."

RIGHT???? I wish I had skid free days....being a full timer sucks ASS!!!

amen. a-freaking-men.

Well, I get you in a sense.

Well, I get you in a sense. But in another, it's not about the time but about the constant disruption and the inability to establish any routine or boundaries in your own home. A lot of studies show that EOW is actually more difficult on the blended family dynamic than being full-time CP.

I am a full time SM and I was

I am a full time SM and I was an EOWer when my kids were minors. Week on week off was WAAAAAAY better.

As for the "constant disruption" it didn't exist. Everyone knew where the kids were each week and made their plans accordingly. Inability to establish any routine? Didn't have that issue, either. I parented the way I wanted to when my kids were with me and Asshat parented the way he wanted to when they were with him.

We didn't switch to week on week off until my DD was in college and my boys were freshman in high school. If I had known how much BETTER is was than Asshat having the kids every other weekend, I would have pushed for it from the beginning. It gave Asshat the opportunity to be a much more involved parent when he had the boys every other week, the boys got to spend a decent amount of time with their half-siblings - it was great for everyone...

Depends on how violent the

Depends on how violent the little thieves are. I can't have my SS in my home bc he steal our, my and SDs, underwear out of the laundry and sports bras, use a roll of toilet paper in 12 hours jacking off all damn nite, I have to put my grandsons clothes away as SS17 steals his stuff.

I can't live like that other than knowing its only for a few days at a time.

omg I laughed so hard I woke

:jawdrop: omg I laughed so hard I woke the baby! Wtffffff

We had YSD full time for a

We had YSD full time for a while when she was in elementary school. I enjoyed having her around. I still do. I have zero problems with having her join me and my DH on trips and such (she's 19 now). OSD is another thing though. I think living with her FT would have been difficult. She wasn't an overtly BAD kid, but she just was and is not very personable. She was also the more difficult of the two to deal with as the younger was a more go with the flow kind of kid. OSD not so much.

Double Double Ditto I

Double Double Ditto

I realized today that I'm down to 26 months and I'm completely skid free.

I used to get excited to

I used to get excited to skids to come over, truly. I loved hanging out with them, it was soo fun to me. My little family!! This lasted 6 months.

Now I get crippling anxiety before they show up and would rather get a cavity filled than be stuck at home with them all day.

Good luck, Ann.

This is like watching a car

This is like watching a car crash in slow motion. You can't stop it and only hope that the driver finds a way to avoid it.

Sassy so cute at 9? Wait till

Sassy so cute at 9? Wait till she's 15? No. Wait till SM has her wedding ruined, her home turned upside down, her kid bullied and framed, and her personhood battered into jagged little shards. Should take about 12 months.

So true. Things will start to

So true. Things will start to get frosty when Ann happily announces her engagement; the ice will thicken after the wedding (Miss Cutensassy will probably make a scene); and BM will unleash her crazy because How Dare Her Ex Move On?!?!?!!

Frosty at engagement? Wait

Frosty at engagement? Wait till the bun in the oven announcement!

I wouldn't be the least bit

I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if that announcement came sooner rather than later. OOPS!! Whaddya know?!

YES YES YES!!!!^^^^^^ RUN

YES YES YES!!!!^^^^^^

RUN ANN!!!!!! :O

Dad needs a peter-warmer and

Dad needs a peter-warmer and a "replacement mommy" since BM sucks as a parent, and Ann needs someone to fertilize her lonely womb. Ann told me they "don't always" use birth control, so yeah, there's definitely an agenda here. She gets her baby, he gets Ann to stick around. I love her dearly, but she's stupid as f#%$. They BOTH are.

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I'm Absolutely IN LOVE with His Kids!!

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