RESPECT
Let's respect each other, Okay? I may not agree with many negative posts or name calling but I have to admit that I've done my share here. I don't come here to be judged or to judge others. I browse through the posts here and may or may not agree with the writers' viewpoints but I do NOT criticize. I'm a sober alcoholic and here is what works in AA meetings - we don't cross talk. That means when someone opens up and shares we listen and we don't criticize or give advice. WE LISTEN. WE OFFER SUPPORT. We talk about a similar experience and how we survived it or learned from it.
If you read a blog that you find offensive - stop reading it. Or if you have a similar situation share how you confronted that situation - without judging the blogger and putting the blogger on the defensive.
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Comments
I agree with you wholeheartedly Glynne
"...we don't cross talk."
Thank you for reminding of a term my minister mentioned to me about actively listening and being a moderator at meetings.
No cross talk.
The soap box approach has come and gone on this site, but more recently appears to be a permanent fixture. I'm not sure why that is, or what's behind it, or why it is so successfully divisive. But it seems to be so ingrained in our culture these days for every possible subject that human beings have traditionally disagreed on, that I suppose the fact it spills over to a support group is inevitable.
It's tiring. From my perspective being worn down with a borderline SD, it just feels like inflammatory baiting most of the time. Unfortunately, so many of us are worn down from being baited non-stop that we easily bite and unwittingly (or intentionally if we're in the mood- and I know I have been every now and then) we fan the fire, give the desired reaction, and the negativity grows.
More on that on my own post later. But wanted to give you credit for that term in particular.
Defensive
I tend to get defensive when I'm critcized; my mind closes and my mouth opens - and that is not a good combination!
I have learned a lot from this website and I want everyone to be able to share in an honest and open manner. I understand about getting worn down at home, I have a SD also, and I come here to listen, learn and sometimes vent. My venting has involved name calling and blaming. After looking at what I wrote I understood that I had work to do. I attended AlAnon and that helped me understand my role in what I considered a grossly disfuntional relatioship. I knew that I had to disengage from my SD's and DH's relationship. I am not perfect and I allow myself to make mistakes. I want everyone on this site to know that it's okay to vent - I will not judge you. I may share how I got through it and maybe that will help. Glynne
I have decided to try to more actively listen
and your use of that term "cross talk" rang out to me. I will be posting on that later. Not because I think it matters all that much, but because I just want to write it down and this has become my safe haven to do so. If someone dogs me for it, c'est la vie. But your post today was an affirmation through recollection through suggestion
what's with the site and the hiccups today?
Double post!
I like this Glynne
This is what I try to do too. Thanks for sharing your history too, that is a very tough road and certainly gains a person compassion, huh?
I have been thinking about how some can talk and keep the peace or diffuse? a conflict and I am not sure how they manage that, maybe it is the avoiding cross-talk?!! Thanks
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Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.
William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2