Is this a step in the right direction?
I don't know anymore.
27 YO SD has a new major - this will be her 4th (I think) Nursing. So okay - I've disengaged and none of my business, right?
I assumed that DH was paying for it. What I've found out is that DH has co-signed loan papers so that SD can quit work (waitress job) and attend school full time. DH also told me that SD is getting grants to fund this next endeavor. When I asked if SD had been accepted to the nursing program yet - DH didn't know for sure. But he signed loan papers????
Where I'm going with saying this MIGHT be a step in the right direction is that at least DH didn't ask for SD to live with us again and he didn't agree to pay for the tuition - just co signed it.
Where this could be totally screwed up is that I've heard nursing programs are very hard to get into and SD doesn't have good grades nor has she shown any committment/determination to complete her other 3 attempts at college. And DH has no idea where she is at in gaining entry into the program - has he not learned anything?
How can DH continue to support this? It's so hard to watch this and keep my mouth shut. Thank God for Steptalk - at least I can vent here!
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Its a step in the right
Its a step in the right direction that she's not living with you but as co signor he is responsible to pay it if she doesn't.
Please, tell me your finances
:jawdrop:
Please, tell me your finances aren't connected and that you don't mind if he lives in a different nursing home on what's left when he's an old man.
Maybe you can encourage her to work as a CNA if she isn't in one already. This way she'll get some nursing experience and be making a little money. She could do agency work and work 1 time a week. You can promote this by mentioning that a.) Many nursing programs like it if you've been exposed to what nursing really is all about as it is not a glamorous job. It is a hard job, rewarding, but hard. b.) She can see if it is really something she gets passionate about it.
I could not imagine doing my job if I weren't passionate about it. I put my hands in places on people's bodies that no one wants to think about.
I don't think that DH is
I don't think that DH is lying - but you're right about SD's story - it doesn't make sense. My guess is that she is stringing him along. I did tell him that I thought nursing programs were hard to get into. He's just so clueless when it comes to SD. It's just so hard for me to hear about and keep my mouth shut.
Oh yes - our finances are
Oh yes - our finances are connected. If she flakes out - we pay. But since I assumed we were paying anyway - I just don't care anymore. Good idea on the CNA, Aanb. I cannot see SD being a nurse. Sorry, but she just doesn't like to work that hard. I don't know why she is even interested in it. She is not the caretaking type - she had no interest in any science or biology. Like you said, Anab - it's not glamorous - which would be more in keeping with SD's personality. I don't get it - maybe it's just a ploy to quit her job and live off Daddy - again.
I just find the fact that I'm
I just find the fact that I'm a 27 year-old BSN answering this.
I can't imagine someone my age being that ridiculous. If she's going to do it, though, she should go for the BSN and not the ADN. There's a big push in the medical community and the nursing professional organizations for the minimum education requirement to be a BSN. A lot of hospitals are not hiring for anything less. I'm thinking in terms of what makes sense in the long run for job security and upward mobility and getting hired initially.
I'm assuming the RN degree,
I'm assuming the RN degree, Steperg. She's been attending college since she was 18 - she's now 27 - so I would HOPE that it would be full fledged degree. But,honestly, I have no clue.
One can not be a brain
One can not be a brain surgeon without a brain.
she should be a doctor with
she should be a doctor with that much time
LOL Steperg! And that is why
LOL Steperg!
And that is why I TRY to stay out of it. I put myself through college - going to evening classes while working FULL TIME. I paid for it MYSELF - so I have no respect or understanding for SD. This kid has been given every opportunity and she just wastes it. I do hope for DH's sake - that she will amount to something and complete college. You know if she is actually doing this and completes it - I will be the first in line to congratulate her. But this scheme of hers will probably go by the wayside as some many of her others have done. I just keep hoping that DH will open his eyes and get a friggin' clue!!
Where I stand on this is that
Where I stand on this is that DH is responsible for this. Steperg, I do understand why you called your SD out - and I respect that. I have flat out given up - my DH just continues to believe and buy into her behavior. And the man is not stupid - he usually can see right through people's bullcrap - but not when it comes to his daughter. DH and I generally don't even discuss her - I have nothing to say about it anymore and for the most part - that is okay. I just have to come to Steptalk and let it out - because it is so CRAZY MAKING!!
Agree - Steperg. I was just
Agree - Steperg. I was just happy that he didn't even ask for her to move back in with us. I would've left before I allowed that to happen. So maybe that is why he is co signing the loan. And yes, DH knows how long she's been in school. You should see his face when other family and friends talk about their sons' and daughters' accomplishments - it breaks my heart and then I get angry with him because he allows this to happen.
I will look at the loan papers and understand what the impact on our finances will be if/when she defaults. Thanks for your perspective.
We've shared so many ADULT SD
We've shared so many ADULT SD scenarios!!
My H has co-signed car loans with his Ds, and I just STAY OUT OF IT because I REFUSE to contribute if there is an issue. His second D (30 in August) smashed up her daddy-cosigned vehicle in October as she earned her SECOND DUI offense.
His problem, not mine. Even though you have joint accounts, you can certainly pull RANK and say that YOU WILL NOT be contributing if YOUR MONEY is going to help out a rather "helpless" adult.
My H is really CHEAP, so I know he'd rather have me contribute than pay for his kids. If your BRAT falls flat on her face, that's his issue to resolve, not yours. I can only suggest that you make it CLEAR that you are NOT footing all the house bills while he bails her out.
About a year or so ago I was
About a year or so ago I was looking into getting into nursing school. I already have a B.A. and am older...like early 50's! The program I was looking into was extremely competitive. It was from a junior college and they would only accept a number of students. With a B.A. degree from years past...from a well known university, I think only about 19 hours transferred. The requirements were to take this class and that class and then MAYBE I would qualify for the 60 students that would be in the future nursing class. I thought it was too great a risk to invest so much time...then again I am older. But, the point is, the nursing field is very competitive right now. My sister in law is a nurse and it wasn't the same in her day. So, Glynne, I think you and DH need to look into the program and determine if SD can meet the requirements before even going forward. Just MHO...
I graduated from college a
I graduated from college a few years ago, and I can tell you that it is very possible to be a full-time students and have a part-time job.
And yes, nursing programs are hard to get into. In fact, depending on when/where your SD applied, she might not even know herself if she got into the program yet. Most universities will let you into the college, but the individual program decides if you're admitted to your requested major. Most students hear about the college and the major program at about the same time, but competitive programs like nursing may take months to inform you of acceptance even if you've already been accepted to the university (or have been a student at the university for a few semesters already).
Thanks Steps, All the info on
Thanks Steps,
All the info on nursing is very much appreciated especially the explanations on the college degrees and professional qualifications. Maybe SD is planning to finally complete her 4 year degee and receive the BSN then go after the RN qualification. I'll find out more from DH but it wouldn't surprise me if he doesn't know the answers. DH is quite clear on the fact that he is supporting SD not me. We are okay financially but the co signing does worry me - I'll find out how much the loan is for and take it from there.