I am an older poster on this site. For me life is like a movie. I have already sat and watched the movie play out to the end. Even if there is a sequel, everything was put into place during the original movie that will guarantee the same outcome as the original movie.

I recently reconneced with an older friend who was going through the step problems when I knew her 20 years ago. Life for her is like that movie, she now knows how it ends. When you are watching the movie there are expectations of how it will turn out. The entire time you are hoping that miraculously good triumps over evil, and in the end everything falls into place for a teary eyed, happy ending. There is nothing like a feel good movie.

For many younger posters, you are at the point of still watching the movie. Still looks like there is a chance for this movie to end in a number of ways. Still looks like a possible " Brady Bunch " outcome. Just try harder, give it your all and good things will happen to those who persevere.

After talking with my friend, hearing her regrets, listening to the stories and outcomes of many others there are a few incidences in their stories that are much the same.

They worked to help support their household because half the husband's paycheck was sent to the ex wife for child support.

The ex from the time of children's births had full opportunity to establish herself as their authority figure and set consequences.

In most cases, the call from the ex demanding " Take these kids, they are uncontrollable and I do not want to deal with this" came at a time when the children were teens. They were not being moved to a different household because they were pleasant, thoughtful ,well behaved, acedemic achievers.

The movie did not end as teary eyed and happy as these people had hoped.

Dad worked. How was he going to supervise and get these children turned around.
SM was never an authority figure prior to moving in and couldn't be after
The happy, youthful, funloving wife who enjoyed getting together with other friend couples, dining and dancing, concerts had remarked to me " I became nothing but the worn out bitch" The ex was now in the position to enjoy all the fun things in life that once was her life. Now she had the kids and work. Now she was tied down.

The story for her is at it's end. She knows how it ends. The kids are all best friends with mom. Her husband of many years has died. Since collecting their inheritance do they call? Do they come to visit? Do they ever remember her for a meal, a holiday, anything? NO