Another vent
DH wimped out about taking SD’s skirts away, though after 5 hours of arguing with her, he did get her to try on pants. I was a tad bit ticked because I had to take our kids out of the house for those 5 hours and entertain them because her nasty attitude isn’t something I want them to emulate, all for basically nothing. But whatever. At the end of the 5 hours, he’s totally happy and pumped that she has admitted that she understands why I don’t want to have anything to do with her, because she constantly belittles me. So apparently I wasn’t just overblowing things or imagining things like he thought I was. The kicker though, he thought I would be super happy about this revelation... which to me was not any revelation, just a reminder of all the crap he has willingly let his daughter do to me. We had a big old conversation after that.
Now, it’s been a month and she’s still wearing skirts and long sleeves. DH is super stressed about it. I really don’t care unless it affects me, but I admit the tension in our house between them over the stupid skirts pisses me off.
We to the park yesterday, and she is on the swing, in her skirt, and she starts complaining to us that some boys are looking at her underwear and teasing her and DH should make them stop. Of course he goes in swinging to protect his princess. However, I told him she wouldn’t have that problem if she wasn’t wearing a skirt (most girls learn this lesson in grade school). She threw a big old hissy fit complete with the silent treatment when DH later told her she wouldn’t have that problem if she wasn’t wearing a skirt.
Anyway, I had a lovely camping trip with just my kids at the beach. I now have no guilt whatsoever about leaving her behind. I encourage everyone with a rotten stepchild and an enabling bio parent to take vacations without them. It works wonders in the stress department. This week officially and as a family we are going camping without the princess. BM is taking her on vacation, so DH decided he could go without her guilt free. Though if he took back his balls he wouldn’t have to have anything to feel guilty about.
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Comments
DH can tell her to wear
DH can tell her to wear shorts under her skirt.
That's what I was thinking.
That's what I was thinking. How old is she that she doesn't know swinging without shorts on will probably expose her panties?
14, and I’m not sure crazy
14, and I’m not sure crazy church allows girls to wear shorts at all. When she was little she had to wear shorts under her dresses, I would buy those matching ones at Gymboree along with the dress. I miss those days, she used to be such a cute kid. Anyway, I brought it up, but DH is so fed up.
If the CHURCH is going to
If the CHURCH is going to look up her skirt, get her Slip Shorts/pettipants.
I agree, and she’s not going
I agree, and she’s not going to said church anymore.
Plus, she has tossed a whole lot of clothes away, I’m in no hurry to go purchase more. Maybe when I’m getting to a point where I’m feeling more generous. At this point, mom and dad have no control over her. I‘m definitely not bringing it up to her and I’m trying not to get involved. I probably never would have said anything to DH if I didn’t feel like he was being one sided. Not to say the kids should tease, but she needs to recognize that she can’t control other people. If she doesn’t want people staring or teasing she needs to cover up or stay off the swing.
If she refuses to wear shorts
If she refuses to wear shorts, then she can no longer swim. Period. Dot. Dress appropriately for the activity or miss out.
She's 14 and still playing on
She's 14 and still playing on the swings?! Where I live, the swings etc. are for under 12s ... No self-respecting 14 yo would be seen dead playing on kiddy stuff *smile*
Uhhhh he's the parent. If
Uhhhh he's the parent. If she's not listening to the rules of wearing skirts....take them away!
Ugh disney dads are so frustrating.
I think you all are stressing
I think you all are stressing way to much about the clothes. Logical consequences should sort this out. If she hot, she's overdressed. If boys are laughing at her and looking up her skirts, gee, wonder why? SMH, kids learn best from their own mistakes and failure. Just point out the facts, not her choices and let her make the connections. This has turned into a war in her head and until you stop fighting with her, she will keep doing it.
Who's the adult in the house?? Who's the kid? Out smart her by letting her fail with her choices. These clothing choices are not life changing unlike other challenges that will come her way, like unprotected sex.
Kudos for taking your bios on vacation without her. Best decsion ever!
Agree.
Agree.
If SD were dressing provocatively, there might be bigger consequences. This will sort itself out.
Yep.. and sometimes it's easy
Yep.. and sometimes it's easy to get so caught up with a certain issue and make something a hill to die on in your mind.
When my YSD was maybe 10 years old.. I tried to get her to eat pickled beets. She turned her nose up.. but I was determined she was going to try them. I mean.. she ate saurkraut.. sushi.. all sorts of stuff she would like pickled beets. But she just wouldn't and I tried to kind of force the issue by trying to bring the beets back out at successive meals. It was a power struggle and in the end.. it was stupid on my part. Generally she was a good eater. She wasn't overly picky and it was her perogative whether she enjoyed a food and just because I thought she would... didn't mean she really did.
You have gotten keyed in on her skirts and style of dress as a symbol of everything wrong with her and a visual manifistation of a power struggle. Really.. does it matter what she wears? Again not provacative and not in violation of a dress code so... even though she may look down on others who don't dress modestly.. she would still feel the same whether you took her skirts away or not. Now.. if there are consequences of her wearing the skirts like not getting to participate in some activities and being uncomfortable? Well.. her cross to bear then isn't it.
I would be much more interested in giving her consequences for specific actions. You hear her making comments about other girls ways of dress? You counsel her on why that is rude or cruel.. maybe then she needs to go sit in her room and think about that for an hour... or worse stuff? She is grounded for the weekend. Maybe you make her research the word empathy and what that means... Shoot, make her research how Jesus didn't judge and write a paper on who he spent time around?
The skirts are a red herring at this point.. and have become a power struggle that I don't think you will win. I think that you need to shift focus... and by all means take your kids off and have fun in a water park where you can all dress like the heathens you are.
I feel you. My SD, 15, is
I feel you. My SD, 15, is gung-ho about Women's rights, equality for all, that men are horrible and that it's her right and freedom to dress how she wants. She's expressing herself, and boys shouldn't be looking, bc again boys/men are just pigs. My response...when you wear that short of a skirt my dear, everyone is looking, primarily out of shock. I've threatened to pick her up with all her friends in the same style skirt, but then told her I wouldn't bc people would think I work on the streets. But sure, go ahead 'express yourself.'
sometimes making jokes lightens the mood and if anything, I crack myself up:)