Just popping in to say that bm does not take any care of her dog. She wishes I would adopt him. I won't. But I do get him veterinary care. The veterinarian has given him shots, neutering, chip (with BM's contact info, not mine), checkups, and biopsy on my dime. They know he is not my dog and that the dog does not even live in my house. BM has not had to fill out any paperwork or even phone them for permission.

Vets treat abandoned and rescues all the time without knowing who the owner is. I can see how it might appear to violate some rule and I worried about it myself when I first brought sdog in. But there doesn't appear to be any such rule. I think the vets will generally treat an animal in need and make a judgment call about whether the person bringing the animal in is on the up and up.

Gunner, you are doing a wonderful thing for this little fellow.

In my book I think there is a big difference to taking your bio kid shopping vs. taking a skid shopping. To me a skid is the same as a nephew or niece so if I help them with something like taking them to pick out a gift for their mother I would expect a thank you. But then again if it was my niece or nephew they would have been raised with proper manners to say thank you for things.
We have the skids every year for Fathers Day because it falls on our 2 month time with them, I always take the skids to whatever stores they need to get their gifts, they both always say thank you which is why I have taken them again year after year. I don't do nice things for people that aren't nice.

I'm with you on this, Heaven...and we don't often agree.

I think this is nitpicky in the extreme. They DID say thank you for lunch, which was the same trip...as the adult in the situation, I would take that as a sign of gratefulness for the entire outing. Kids that age often get excited about getting something for their mom/dad...but usually only if a grown-up reminds them. It's a Hallmark holiday anyway that I don't think kids fully understand...they're taught by adults. In my experience, in both bio and blended family relationships, it IS the spouse being the prime mover behind mother's day/father's day when the kids are minors. It is much more a holiday to show your spouse that you appreciate what they do for the family and how they care for the children than anything else. I've taken my skids to get Father's Day, Bday, and Christmas presents for their dad...and sometimes for their bio-mom, too...and it never occurred to me that they should thank me for the errand. In general, they are grateful, considerate kids...and that's what's important.

The more Gunner posts, the more I think he's incredibly childish.

In what post does he sound like a loving husband? He sounds like a childish control-freak to me.

Really.

So you think that nitpicking about kids who say Thank You for lunch but not for the shopping trip sounds like a loving step-parent? Like he's totally cool and great to her kids but she's a "B" to his? To me, he sounds like he likes to nitpick on her kids and play tit-for-tat and she lost it. Every post reads that way to me. His kids were angels during vacation, hers were annoying. His kids are perfectly grateful and wonderful all the time, hers are ungrateful. Etc, etc, etc. Sounds like he has had a double-standard about kids far longer than she has and she finally snapped.

Not sure where you're getting the money thing...but it seems to be a real issue for you. You're totally reading into his posts. He said that he likes to spoil her...and that she's frustrated that he sends extra money to his ex. That would frustrate me, too, even if I weren't the higher earner in my relationship. It's about more than money. He's also said that "he gets the final word" when it comes to finances and he made the counseling appointment without talking to her, first. All of this, to me, reeks of someone who likes to have total control in a relationship. Even "spoiling" can be controlling in many cases. He never once said that she complains about child support or asks him to pay for stuff for her kids or that she's a leech. She has a full-time job and covers all food and household items as well as extras. In my home, those expenditures are as much or nearly as much as our set bills. I imagine in a house with 5 kids (even though some are part-time) those expenses are not insignificant.

You're really pulling this money/resources thing out of thin air and assuming a lot about the motives of someone you don't even know...even to the point of going contrary to what the OP himself has told us.