BM, finances, venting
So we had to meet up with BM for something tonight. She totally gets on my nerves. I will have to explain some of the reasons why. First thing she does is hang DH a bag of pics that she found that he would want...yes their prom and wedding photos were inside. Lol. I'm sure that was done on purpose. She also filled the bag with doctor bills asking for half. We do pay the insurance and half the doc bills but she runs the kids to specialists and doesn't even talk to us and we get no kidding, $3,000 bills in the mail in DH's name. She doesn't even tell him. Today it was $2,000 worth. Now I refuse to pay her directly. The money has to go to the doctor because she pockets it and doesn't pay it. He's been divorced over 6 years. The house is still in DH's name. She won't refinance it and he won't push the issue. She doesn't pay it on time. She pays like a couple payments ever 6 months. She let the second mortgage go back. How did we find out? We got a tax statement that we owed taxes on the $45K the bank wrote off when it was foreclosed! Just last month a gas bill in his name showed up in collections. Apparently she still has utilities in his name. This is the second one I've found out about. I'm pretty sure she had life insurance on him too but that's beside the point. We don't own anything together because DH is still tied financially to his ex. Anyone experience this? Any way to make her take his name off the house?
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There are two ways to do it
There are two ways to do it because my ex took my name off. He can either refinance and put it solely in his name. It cost the fees of refinancing. My ex refused to do that so he went a route where he filled out a bunch of paperwork and I had to get something signed and notarized. They basically checked his credit and made sure he could afford the mortgage on his own and he assumed the debt. Don't let anyone tell you to sign a quick claim deed. That only takes your name off the deed but not the mortgage. BM makes more than DH and the payment is less than an apartment. She has no excuse. I wonder what happens if she ever tries to sell. She is getting all the tax write offs of it. Could he get half of the profits since it's still in his name? This is such a gray area.
That I wonder too. If the
That I wonder too. If the divorce paper says assume all debts of the household would that mean that they are in contempt of court? You just can't allow these ex's to keep ruining credit or keep you from buying your own home. I see giving them some time but years is too long.
Apparently, your DH doesn't
Apparently, your DH doesn't care about his own financial standing. Continuing to be linked to her is going to ruin his credit.
What does it say in their divorce decree about the house?
About six months ago, BM gave DH a bunch of things from the house. She kicked him out three years ago, but threatened to call the cops if he came over to get his things, so periodically, she'll give him things that belonged to his grandfather or father. Anyhow, six months ago in his pile of things were a bunch of pictures of him, her and SSs as a family (she took the individual pictures of SSs out of the frames) and their wedding video. I was like "seriously?!" This woman is remarried (not legally, but she had a pretend ceremony), but I swear she still carries a torch for DH. She's sent him flirty text messages in the past reminiscing about their marriage. I have never once sent an ex a flirty text message.
His credit is already crap
His credit is already crap from all of this. He couldn't get credit if our lives depended on it. I feel like he's an ostrich with his head in the sand. He just says he chooses not to let her upset him. I feel like it's he's rather not ruffle her feathers which in turn bothers me because everything we own is in my name. My D/I is crap now. His papers read she assumes all dead of the house. Nothing anymore specific than that.
I also figured the pics were
I also figured the pics were a jab to me.
I would go and see a lawyer
I would go and see a lawyer with the CO, stating it was about time BM removed me from the house, I will tell them all about the bills etc and let the court handle it, getting my name off and making sure BM keeps to CO regarding medical expenses,
then I will walk away
This is so disrespectful
This is so disrespectful towards you. So he feels he owes more to his ex wife than his present wife?
If this was my DH I would be telling him that if he likes being responsible for utilities and bills STILL in his name after 6 yrs then he had better move out and go back to his other responsibilities.
This is 6 yrs on. Now if BM had paid the bills religiously and on time I would cur her some slack. But after 6 yrs she still wants to be attached to DH and he is OK with it? Oh hell no!
There are times when you grow up and stop hiding. This is one of those moments. He needs to take her back to court and get his name off the utilities and give her 6 mths to refi or the house is sold. And she has to change all the utilities to be changed to her name. She also cannot run up any medical bills without DHs signed approval for treatment by a specialist. In the event of an emergency he needs an itemized bill. Also all bills need to be handed to DH within 14 days of receiving them.
Actually DH could do some of this himself. Call the utility companies and tell them he is no longer living there, he will settle up any outstanding amounts (just to clear the decks) and call it good. Then he calls BM and tells her he is off the accounts and she has to contact x, y & z to get reconnected in 2 days. If my DH was not prepared to do this after 6 yrs I would know he is more committed to his ex than me and that would be a dealbreaker.
The photos etc? Doesn't worry me. So what? She is attempting to get at you. Just toss them in the back of the car or smile and say "Pictures of you and DH? How special!"
But the mortgage and utilities HAVE to be addressed or hwe is out.
Can you help refresh my
Can you help refresh my memory on this 14 day rule. I remember something about it when dealing with my ex. What happens if they don't give us a bill within the 14 days? She handed us some bills dated 6 months ago. Also she isn't paying any so I don't want to pay her directly. She would just pocket the money and let it go to collections.